February 16
Dear Diary,
Last night, I had a nightmare. I thought it was real but it wasn't. I was so scared that I woke up panting and sweat dripped down my neck. Memories of Damien and his friends kept running through my head. The hospital reminded me too much of the cool forest air. The marking on the tile reminded me of the pine needles that fell off earlier in the year.
But most of my day consisted of sleep, painkillers, jello and explaining what happened on Valentine's Day. I lied to almost everyone.
I kept saying that I was hiking alone, I decided to go for a swim and then a snake bit me in the leg while I was in the lake. But then Jarvis came to visit that night and I ended up not telling that story.
"Hey, Ugly." he said as he walked into the room.
"Hey there, butthead." I replied. I sat up and crossed my legs.
He did this sigh/smile thing that made my face turn pink and said "Don't make fun of my head."
"Hey, you started it." I stated.
His expression turned serious for a second and said," So what happened out there?"
"Haven't you heard yet? I encountered a snake that didn't like my presence." I said numbly.
"No, don't lie. I saw mascara lines running down from your eyes and scratches all over your body. And you ended up on the road? How does that happen? You know you can trust me, I've always been your best friend. Just talk to me." he said.
"I'm not lying to you." I lied to him, twice today.
"You just lied, again. I can tell whether you lie or not, remember? I've known you long enough to have that super power over you."
I smiled really quick and tears started to form.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Jarvis said, sitting down next to me.
"Nothing." I said, wiping away fallen tears.
"No, it's not nothing. It's obvious something did happen out there. You have to tell me, I promise that I won't tell anyone."
I smiled again, my face stained red as the tears kept falling. "I trusted him."
"Trusted who? That boy you've been hanging out with?"
"Yeah."
"What did he do? Did he touch you?"
"Him and his friends...raped me." More tears fell and I couldn't stop them.
"Oh." was all Jarvis could say. His jaw clenched and I saw the pain, the anger and the determination he had in his eyes.
"What are you thinking about?"
"I'm thinking about what I'm gonna do to that kid." he spit out the words like they were poison in his mouth.
"No, please don't hurt him. Don't do anything, he was high and he didn't know what he was doing. I told you this information because I know I could trust you. So please, don't start anything, you might get hurt." I begged him as I touched his closed fist. He felt like a brother to me at that point. A protective brother that would always look out for his little sister.
His fist relaxed and he looked into my eyes and wiped away the tears on my face.
"I wouldn't mind getting hurt for you. These boys can't just get away with whatever they did to you. You deserve more than that worthless piece of-"
"I know that you care about me but...I love him."
"If you love him, why do you let him destroy you?"
"I'm not totally ruined. I'm just. Broken, a little."
"That's not love, Ella. That's lust. He only wants you for sex. Why have you never noticed the people who actually care about you?"
"I don't know. That's just how I am, I guess. I want things that I can't have."
"You always have had me but you never seemed to notice it." Jarvis looked straight into my eyes but I turned my head away. He grabbed my face with the palms of his hands and turned me toward him.
"Why have you never noticed that I was the one meant for you?" he said.
"What do you mean, Jarvis? You have a girlfriend, you two were meant for each other."
"No, we never were together. You thought we were together? Oh, no. It's always been you, Ella.It's always been you."
I couldn't hold eye contact for much longer. I'm shocked, along with many other emotions. I don't know why but more tears fell.
He shushed me and said "It's alright, Ella." I scooted over and we both laid down. He put his arm around me and I placed my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. Its constant beat soothed my thoughts and no memories of Damien rushed through my mind. As his hand kept rubbing my arm, I was comforted. The tears stopped and I was fine for a little while. In his arms, I feel safe.
Yours truly,
Ella
