FAUX REAL

33

I wish that I had blacked out. I wish that I didn't remember anything from last weekend. I wish that all the shots and coolers I drank acted like a memory wipe. I wish I didn't remember anything.

I wish. I wish. I wish.

But wishing for things never works. Ever. Wishes are for people who can't face reality. Who don't know how the real world works. Who leave shit up to faith and divine intervention. Wishing is foolish. And I was a freaking fool.

God, why did I call her? Why did I do that? Such an idiot. Can I blame the alcohol? I could, definitely. Is it actually the alcohol's fault? No. It's not. It's mine. It's mine because I knew I shouldn't have dialed her number. I knew it wouldn't help me move on. I knew that. Deep down. I really did. And yet? I still called. Like a fool.

And now? I sigh, glancing over at the back of Jennie's head as Mr. Takanaki dismisses the class. And now I'm going to have to talk to her. Tell her that I'm sorry. That it was a mistake calling her. That it didn't mean anything. Because it didn't. That's what I'm telling myself.

And if I train my brain to ignore the fact I'm missing her, it'll slowly start believing it. That's psychology. Mind over matter.

"So you stoked for the senior trip?" Taeyong asks, hopping off the stool and collecting his backpack. "Lice?"

"What?" I mumble as Jennie cranes her neck over her shoulder, our eyes meeting for a split second before I turn away, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Oh, the camping trip? I don't know. Three days in the woods doesn't seem like much of a celebration to me."

"It's cabins, not tents," He chuckles as we walk out of Photography. "Plus, there's gonna be WiFi and actual toilets. Think of it more like glamping."

I roll my eyes.

"Oh, come on," He says, checking his phone. "It's gonna be fun. Bonfires? Marshmallows? You'll love it, trust me."

"I doubt that but rosie is forcing me to go so I'll be there," I say, subtly scanning the halls for Jennie. Where did she go? I catch the sleeve of her leather jacket turning a corner into the quad. "I gotta go, I'll see you around."

"Wait," He says, putting out his hand. "What are you doing this weekend? Wanna come to mark's with me? He's throwing a little thing at his place. Just a few people. It'll be chill."

"Is seul going?" I ask, tossing him a skeptical look. "'Cause if she is, it won't be chill."

"Nah," he says with a shrug. "She's going to Manhattan with her mom or something. I don't know."

I blink. "You don't know?"

"Yeah, she's been ignoring me all week," he says, pocketing his cell. "Probably trying to get back at me for last weekend."

"She still mad at you for taking me home?" I wince, faded memories of him attempting to lug me up to Rosé's parent's house flashing in my head.

"Guess so," he says with a sigh. "Thought she'd get over it by now."

"Buy her some flowers," I suggest. " Maybe that will help."

"Yeah," he says in a drawn-out breath. "Sure."

"Kay," I say, biting my lip as I check the time. I hope Jennie's still outside. "Well, good luck with that. Let me know how it goes."

"Will do," he says, reaching for his phone again. "See ya."