FAUX REAL

34

I can't say I'm not disappointed that Lisa didn't pick up the photographs this weekend. It was a long shot. A Hail Mary. But at this point, I'm willing to try anything to get her to spend even a minute with me. Sixty seconds around her would be enough. Hell, I'd even take ten seconds. Who am I kidding? I'd take a simple smile. A nod. A fucking glance.

I seem to crave her presence more than I've craved anything in my entire life. More than nicotine. More than alcohol. More than anything. I think I'm becoming an addict. I'm addicted to her. I need her. I want her. So bad.

She's like oxygen. And I've been breathless for months now. But so has she. I can sense it. I can see her guard. It's suffocating her. Us. But I won't let that deter me. Not now. Not ever.

I'm hopeful that eventually, that shield will drop. I'm hopeful because I can see her looking at me sometimes. Smiling. It's always so subtle. Quick. Like she doesn't think I'd notice. But I do notice. Every goddamn time. I notice because I'm also looking. Always. But the thing is, I'm not even trying to hide it. Not anymore.

Simp Nation: population one.

Frankly, I don't give a shit if I look desperate. All my shits have gone out the window. I'm too far gone. I'll admit that. To myself, of course, not her. I'm desperate not a fucking idiot. At least I have that going for me.

I crane my neck over my shoulder, glowering at Taeyong as he makes Lisa giggle, her melodic laugh cutting through the chatter in Photography. Can't say the same thing for that asshole. He truly is an idiot.

What is he saying to her? Something stupid, I bet. I can't imagine anything interesting coming out of that knob's mouth. 'So last week, I threw a ball into a net. Hur Hur Hur.' Fucking athletes.

"Alright, class, remember to submit your assignments next Wednesday at the latest or else you won't be allowed to go on the class trip to Camp Louise, is that clear?" Mr. Takanaki says as the bell rings. A murmur of lifeless yeses circle the room. "Love the enthusiasm, kids. The future looks bright."

Mr. Takanaki glances at me, a slight smile on his face before he dismisses the class. I should give him an answer soon about the internship. I'm still on the fence though. I'm not sure why. Fear of failure perhaps. Imposter syndrome. The fact that the magazine's headquarters are in fucking California. Across the country. Miles away from the east coast. From Harvard. From Lisa...

"You coming?" Jisoo asks, nodding at the door.

"Uh-" I grab my textbook and look around the class. She's gone. Of course. "Yeah, let's go."

"So I'm planning this little picnic thing for rosé on the class trip," Jisoo begins as we walk down the hallway. "Is that too cheesy or will she like it?"

"You're going?" I ask. "Thought you said you might not be able to afford it?"

She shrugs. "Picked up a couple of extra shifts to cover it."

"Ah," I hum.

"So? Picnic? Good idea or?" she probes.

I sigh. "I'm sure she will lo-" My sentence is interrupted as Seulgi sprints past us, bumping into my shoulder. "Woah."

"Sorry," she mutters, clutching onto a shopping bag as she continues to run. "Sorry."

"Did she just say the S-word?" Jisoo laughs, shaking her head. "The apocalypse is nigh."