This movie has yet again taken over my life. God I'd forgotten how much I'd loved Peter Pan and how much I had hated it. Both of the movies, cartoon and real one I hate both of them so fucking much. But I think I hate the 2003 movie more because every time I watch it I see 5 year old me sitting on my bed screaming "I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!!" Waiting up a night for Peter to come through my window but yet here I am 14 years old crying listening to the soundtrack.
Im a mess.
I think Peter Pan means just as much to me as it did before. When I was little I just didn't want to go to school, I wanted to go places and be free and now I just don't want to grow up and get old because getting old means I'm gona die and I'm scared to die because I don't know what will happen to me.. Well I guess nothing because I'm dead but I want to know if I'll go anywhere. But honestly you'd stay with Peter wouldn't you ? Why not ? Maybe it's different for other people but I don't see myself in 10 years so whats the point of sticking around to see when you could be off having some adventure in Neverland where you'll never have to worry about silly grown up things.
But I guess growing up is just another big adventure that I'm not ready to take on yet. id rather face pirates and go flying over the trees. I'd be alright, never getting sick, always being ready for the next day to take on the world. And maybe never growing up would make dying easier. Dying would be something new and exciting. Because when you're young you don't really know about dying, when you're young dying is just when someone goes away for a little bit, they go to a new land to face new people.
"To die would be an awfully big adventure."-Peter Pan
That's what I want to do, go to a new land. A wonderful land where everything is perfect in the sense that nothing there is perfect. I want to go somewhere where I can scream and laugh and soar through the air and parents wouldn't care if I got my clothes dirty or if I didn't brush out my hair because there would be no parents. It would just be me and Peter Pan and right now at 12:47am that's all I really want. I want Peter Pan to whisper in my ear that if I come with him, I'll never,never have to worry about grown up things again. And then together we'll fly out of the window, head second to the right and straight on till morning soaring, never growing living out our greatest pretend.
I'm sorry I have to grow up, I'm really sorry that maybe one day you'll be forgotten, tucked away in our memories far away for safe keeping but when/if I have children I promise to tell them the story about the boy who wouldn't grow up.
And maybe tonight I'll leave the window open.
