Finally Breathing

~ Chapter 18 ~

Sky's POV

My neck had finally healed, my parents gone, and today was finally the day I was set to go on December camp, held in Portland. Casey and Tegan had been pretty annoyed when they found out that I was the new addition to the national team's roster and I hadn't told them, but they got over it when I told them what Tobin had done for me in terms of my parents. I was set to move into the group home after camp, as there had been some delays in the paperwork. To be honest though, I didn't mind. The more time I got to spend at Tobin's, the better.

I heard soft footsteps coming up the stairs, and the faint whiff of coffee travelled into my nostrils as Tobin opened my door. She stood there; a mixture of emotions displayed behind her eyes.

"Sky... you look amazing." She whispered, the purpose of what she was meant to be doing forgotten.

I was wearing my USWNT tracksuit that had arrived along with the rest of the gear about a week ago. The top was royal blue, the US badge emblazoned on the left side of my chest, a white Nike tick below it. The joggers were almost the same, and I wore my white air forces on my feet. My hair was swept back into a high ponytail, a black hair tie holding it in place. Tobin might have just been being nice, but the tracksuit definitely felt right. Like I was at home. She pulled me into a hug, her usual sandalwood and lime scent evident beneath her own tracksuit, her necklace glistening. The whole thing was surreal. Just a month ago I was at home, hiding everything from my friends, being abused by my parents. Now I was an international athlete, competing against the best in the world, training with the best in the country. The only person I had to thank was in front of me, treating me like I was her child. I was so thankful for everything she had done for me, from that picture in the park with my friends, through to all her support in helping find me a home. She really was a miracle worker, my angel in disguise.

Tobin let go of me, sobbing as she surveyed the scene around her. My room had been cleaned up, almost all of my belongings gone. The only things left were my phone and its charger, sitting patiently on the bedside table.

I laughed softly. "Toby stop. It's really not that big."

"I know," she looked at me, "I'm just so proud of you."

The statement was simple, yet it came from every ounce of her body. I exhaled slowly, my eyes watering. It was crazy how one person could come into your life and change it forever. I owed Tobin everything.

There was a long pause where we just slumped onto my bed, soccer bags and suitcases in the doorway. I rested my head on her shoulder as she pulled me in.

"Thank you."

I turned to look at Tobin, surprised.

"For what? If anything, I should be thanking you." I stopped talking, thinking for a second before adding, "You saved my life, quite literally."

She laughed, playing with my bracelet.

"You can't tell anyone this Sky. Please." Tobin looked deep into my eyes, sincere. I nodded slightly, confused.

"Before you came along I was considering quitting soccer, permanently. I was thinking of settling down with a 9-5 job, taking some time to myself."

I sat up, out of Tobin's grasp. "Why?"

Her eyes began to swim with tears, as she remembered everything that had happened in the last few months. "My mom reached out to me in September. My dad had died. She insisted that what she said about my sexuality that day was only because she was scared of him, of what my dad would do to her if she decided to protect me. While I don't remember my dad ever being physically violent, I kept quiet. I wanted to see what my mom had to say, give her a chance to help me see things from her point of view. At that time, me and Alex had just broken up, my soccer was becoming slow, unnatural. I couldn't see what was wrong. I thought that maybe if my mom came back into my life she might be able to help. So I let her back in. It turns out that was probably the worst thing I could do. She began tearing me apart from the inside out. What was left of my footballing talent broke down, and I was struggling. My teammates could tell, as friends off the pitch and on it. At the end of the October camp, Jill threatened to drop me from the national team if I didn't pick up my performances. So I began training almost every day. I saw my mom less, enough to regain a little bit of confidence on the field. I was called up to the November camp, and I became really close with Christen. I told her about my mom, and she tried to encourage me to tell the police, or at least Jill. I refused, until that day in the park where I met you. You were similar to me, in ways. You acted fine on the outside, but I could tell something was going on on the inside. It was in your eyes, all the hurt captive behind them. That was all I needed. I went to my mom's that night and told her to never contact me again. Sky, I needed you just as much as you needed me. You saved me."

I was silent as I took it all in. Tobin was there for me, but it turned out that I had been there for her as well. I thought back to that day at the park, the icy wind whipping at Casey and Tegan as they played soccer while I ran over to the stranger to retrieve our ball. She did look... sad, I guess. The way Tobin slumped her shoulders, hands in her pockets. It felt familiar. It was what I did the next day, at school when the national team arrived. It was what I did when I wanted to go unnoticed.

I hugged her tightly, not wanting to let go. If I left, let her go, I could lose her again. Or she could lose herself again. I couldn't let that happen.

The taxi beeped from downstairs. It was time to go. We stood up off the bed, shared one more understanding look, slung our bags over our shoulders, and left the house. Here goes nothing.

~~

"You nervous?" Tobin nudged me from her seat on the plane, removing one air pod. I was fidgety, the small map on the TV at the front of the plane moving slowly, yet we were constantly moving towards Portland. For Tobin she was going home, for me it was just a visit. I would have to say goodbye to her.

I looked out of the window, clouds rolling out from beneath the plane, mountains and beaches splayed across the land underneath them. Tobin wasn't the only thing worrying me. I was 17, and this was my first camp. I only really knew Tobin, and only her, Jill and Alex knew what had happened in the last few weeks. What if I couldn't keep up with the team? I would be so embarrassed, all the confidence I had gained since my surgery gone in an instant. Even worse, I knew that I had to tell the rest of the team about it all at some point this camp. Tobin had already said that if I didn't, she would, insisting that it would be good for me to tell people, get it off my chest. Also, it would be better for the team to know, so that they could support me. It was scary, the prospect of having to open up and tell people you barely know your biggest secret, the thing that you were most ashamed of. It was an irrational fear, but tugged at me all the same. I didn't tell my closest friends for almost four years. I was angry at my parents. They took everything from me, my childhood, my innocence, all at 12 years old. I hated it, but it was also something that I could do nothing about now. My parents were locked up in jail, and that was the minimum they deserved.

It was only after about 10 minutes that I realised Tobin was staring at me. I gave her an inquisitive look, almost saying, 'what do you want?'

It was unfair, I know, she was only trying to look out for me. But no one likes being stared at.

After a while I answered Tobin's earlier question. The captain had announced that we were about to be landing, and to be honest, I really needed someone to talk to. I'd only ever been on a plane to watch my brother's away games, and I really hated landing.

"I'm really nervous Toby." I said, resting my hand on hers cautiously. I sank into it as she gripped mine back.

"You'll be okay little ledge." Tobin looks out of the window, following my train of thought. "I was really scared for my first camp. Alex was the only person I knew, and she already had friends on the team. I was scared that I would be the worst, that I would be unfit compared to the rest of them and I'd be laughed at for having no parents. It wore me away. Yet I shouldn't have let it. The reaction I got was the total opposite of what I'd been expecting. They welcomed me like a family, and if I didn't have them now I don't know what I'd do with myself. You don't have to worry Sky. I'll look after you."

I gave her hand a quick squeeze, indicating my thanks as the plane plummeted towards the ground, along with it was that morning's breakfast.

God, I hated landing.