Finally Breathing

~ Chapter 29 ~

Tobin's POV

I arrived back at the hotel to find Jill waiting for me in the lobby. I glanced at the time hurriedly. 7:30pm. Damn it. My meeting was meant to be at 7:00, meaning I was definitely in trouble.

"Nice for you to finally join us Tobin." She said, motioning for me to follow her along the hallway.

"Sorry Coach, I got caught up." I replied. If this meeting was about my starting position for the game against England, I was not off to the greatest of starts.

We rounded the corner and entered Jill's makeshift office for the tournament; one of the hotel's meeting rooms. She gestured for me to sit down opposite her, the plush chairs looking inviting after the hard rickety bench from the park. 

"So, Tobin," I looked Jill straight in the eye. If she was going to drop me from the squad, I wanted her to do it straight up, not with the complications of avoiding the obvious.

"Do you want to tell me what is going on?"

I started a little, shocked at what just came out of Jill's mouth. The coach was nice enough, but I never got the feeling that she really cared about her players to the point that she asked them if they were okay. Even when we had helped Sky escape her hellish life she gave nothing away, her serious face looking to only build on her match day squad with the quality midfielder from the park. This was a surprise.

She must have noticed my shocked face, continuing with little insecurity, "I noticed the change in you today. You barely put any effort in during your gym session, despite the fact that you always seem to love love the gym. Then you disappear for the afternoon and turn up late, having seemingly forgotten about our meeting. It's not like you Tobin." 

"I know." I muttered softly, the emotions finally coming to the brim. "I guess I'm just tired. I love Sky, but trying to look after her whilst dealing with the pressures of the tournament has been a lot. Then Christen disappears off the pitch yesterday, saying that she is okay when I know that she isn't, and while of course she doesn't have to tell me everything, I just wish she would tell me what happened. She's been gone all day, and with no physical injury I'm starting to assume the worst."

I dropped my head, looking at my hand. My thumb was bleeding pretty significantly, the skin torn up and my nails crusted with the scarlet liquid that was pouring out. I was ashamed to admit all this, I felt like I was being selfish. This shouldn't have been about me, in fact it wasn't about me. It was about Chris.

I felt Jill's harsh look approach my hands. I tried to cover my hand, but I guess I wasn't quick enough.

"Want a tissue and a band aid?" 

I took a moment before looking at Jill. Her usually serious face looked concerned for me, her hands reaching into the draws behind her, searching for the medical equipment. I nodded slowly, taking them from her as Jill found them. I wrapped my thumb up carefully, wincing as the numbness faded and the pain surfaced.

"I had a call from Dawn earlier. I'm going to have to ask you not to press the matter with Christen. I know that you're worried, but I have a feeling that she will tell you when she's ready. In the meantime I suggest that you see a councillor Tobin. I have a feeling that what is going on is more than worry about your family and anxiety about the tournament. And don't forget that we are here for a chat when you need it." 

"Okay." I replied. 

I hope Chris is okay.

Christen's POV

I was slightly numb. The world seemed to be passing me with intensified speed as I filled out form after form about prescriptions and appointments. I felt like a robot, my hand swirling out my signature across paper after paper as they were handed to me. 

The tears seemed to be stuck at the back of my eyes, pricking my vision yet refusing to fall. What was I going to do? I was meant to be a professional soccer player, not some poor sick person who had to spend the rest of her life on her deathbed. And what about Tobin? Sky? They were so sensitive, having both been rejected by their parents at a ridiculously young age. Sky had just been adopted, had just found those who cared about her. What was she going do when she found out that I was dying? She had already lost her brother. Tobin, too. I could tell she was struggling, though I didn't want to confront her about it. I loved her, but I was going to leave her struggling with a child and a career without any support. She had the team, but they weren't me. Yes I had a chance at survival, but let's be real, its slim. I'm dying, and I'm going to have to leave my family behind.

~~

"Hey Chris. How were your tests?" Tobin called as I slipped through the door to her hotel room.

My eyes were red raw. The reality had hit me as I drove home. Chemotherapy was a treatment, not a cure. I would be too tired to play, too sore to train. It was the last thing that was said to me that pulled the trigger on reality, though. 

"We would like regular appointments with you Christen, to keep track of the movement of the leukaemia. If the Chemotherapy doesn't work in the early stages of this particular cancer, it is a possibility that it could lead to a brain tumour."

Brain cancer. Meaning I would become forgetful, be constantly aggressive, or even worse become paralysed. Essentially I would lose myself before I lost my life.

I gathered myself, walking towards my girlfriend with a fake smile plastered across my face.

"They were okay, just tiring."

She sent me an inquisitive look, pulling me in beside her on the bed.

"I'm okay Tobs, they didn't find anything. I'm good."

I was lying through my teeth, and I think that Tobin could tell. I don't really know why I didn't tell her the truth. Maybe I didn't want to ruin the World Cup for my family, maybe I wasn't ready. Perhaps I didn't want to admit the truth to myself yet. I don't know. I guess I just didn't want to feel weak or useless. Especially when that was going to become a reality very soon.