Finally Breathing

~ Chapter 23 ~

Tobin's POV

Damn it. She wouldn't stop and now she's passed out. Why was it that every time she had something good going on another thing had to come along and ruin it?

I saw her passed out on the stretch of grass before us, Dawn and the rest of the staff crowded around her. Her eyes were open, jacket off, ice covering her forehead. I got why she didn't want to take her jacket off, I really did. I was just sorry that she had to have that reasoning. It wasn't fair on her, she was still so young. I loved Sky with my whole heart, yet she was so dependent and so insecure.

I walked over to her, the soft wind whipping my sweaty hair about my face.
"Hey Sky." I knelt down next to her, placing my hand on her thigh as she sat up.

Sky's POV

I woke up to a pounding headache, surrounded by blurry bodies. I put a hand to my head, feeling the sharp shock of ice laying against it. Jill was standing at a distance, conferring with some of the other coaches.

"Hey Sky."

I looked up to see Tobin sitting next to me, her face full of concern. I thought back to what happened before I passed out. I remembered the sweat plastering my back, the repeated rhythm of my feet hitting the grass as I ran. I remembered the dizziness clouding my vision, the training jacket sticking to my arms as I stumbled over thin air.

A tear slipped down my cheek. I was ashamed to take my jacket off, at a disadvantage to myself. I didn't know why I kept on running, not even to break Tobin's record. I'd already done that. I was so goddamn stupid. The team probably thought I was a complete idiot.

I felt arms wrap around my body, consoling me as I shook in her arms.

"We don't think any differently of you Sky," She said, almost reading my mind, "but please don't overwork yourself. You're going to need to be at your best for the rest of camp."

I nodded, hugging back. I don't know what I'd do without Tobin.

~~

I was in the changing rooms, stripping off my now soaking jacket and changing into a long sleeved training top. I hesitated while putting it on. Thoughts were rebounding around my mind, reinforcing the guilt and shame I already felt.

'Why should I be here? Surely there are better, more experienced players that Jill could have called up instead of me. Fuck my parents, fuck all of this. I shouldn't have the scars to be ashamed of, I shouldn't have to be uncomfortable and insecure. I should have had a proper childhood, playing around with my friends on the streets. Why can't I love who I want to? Why does it have to be "normal" that men marry women and women marry men? I loved Casey, and I've probably messed that up too.'

All of this was flashing through me, filling me with bitterness. Should I leave? 

'Tobin probably doesn't like me, I'm probably just a burden to her. I nearly got her killed after all. Would it really hurt to be put into foster care far away from basking ridge? At least then I'd have a fresh start.' 

I shoved my cleats into my bag, slamming it down on the bench surrounding the changing rooms. Dawn had said I wasn't allowed to continue with the rest of training, that I had to wait until the gym session later that night to train again. Stupid heat stroke.

'I'm fed up of this.' I thought, closing my eyes against the harsh lights surround the room. Shielding my messed up mind from seeing the US badge, the one that I didn't deserve to wear.

"I'm just not good enough." 

I said the last bit out loud to myself, tears welling up behind my eyelids. There was a ringing sound in my ears, deafening as I drowned out the sorrows of my life. It felt like a confirmation. I'm not good enough, and I don't think I ever will be.

Carli's POV

We had just finished training, the sun beating down on us as we completed conditioning drill after conditioning drill before finally finishing in an extremely competitive scrimmage, my team coming out on top. Kelley was being her usual five year old self, jumping on Alex as she teased her about the loss. God, I loved the USWNT.

I collected the cones and handed them to Jill (colour order of course) , before making my way into the changing rooms to grab some hydration fluids for the team before we changed. On the way I heard Kelley and Ashlyn whispering about some plans to go to the beach later, which, with the weather we were having right now, sounded perfect.

My cleats clattered noisily on the concrete leading to the small sports  hall outside the Portland pitches. I slipped them off just as I was about to enter, not wanting to be the one who brought mud into the room. As captain I had to set a good example, and that definitely meant not getting a fine on the first day of national camp.

I turned the corner before softly pushing the door open. Dawn told me to be quiet as she had sent Sky inside early to recover from her heat stroke. She was sat on the bench slumped, her bag beside her as she closed her eyes. Her trainers were on the floor, yet all that covered her feet were her Nike pro socks. As I got closer I could see tear tracks, old and new as they tricked down her face, enhancing those soft brown freckles littering the bridge of her nose. She whispered something to herself, something that sounded very much like, "I'm just not good enough." 

I padded softly over to Sky, sitting down beside her. She might not want to talk right now, despite the whole team having her back, but eventually she was going to have to face everything.