his helpless lover

chapter 10

"Hey dazai remember the first time we met? I tried to kill you but do you know what my first thought was? How beautiful you were, how can a waste of bandages be that pretty? Your eyes, dark caramel brown, they had me mesmerised, even if one of them was covered in bandages and then blood."

Chuuya was at the hospital next to dazai's bed talking to him for the fifth time this week "Come on you fucker wake up, I don't have the whole day to stay here and talk to you." suddenly someone entered the room, it was kouyou.

"What do you want?" Kouyou walked slowly up to dazai and looked at him in pity "Look at him, such a pitiful sight." "He's not pitiful" the woman moved closer to the ginger and grabbed his hand "lets go chuuya, he's a waste of time, he betrayed the mafia and now you are waiting for him to wake up? Aren't you loyal to the mafia? Mori-san won't like this" chuuya pushed kouyou's hand away "I'm loyal to him too" "he betrayed you!"

Chuuya looked at kouyou, she had tears in her eyes "You care about him too don't you? Mori sent you?" kouyou walked away and didn't look back at chuuya "I don't care about him. But mori will hunt him and you down tomorrow, he better wake up or you both will be dead." the ginger called his boss many times but the one that picked up the phone was Elise saying he is busy.

The next day chuuya took dazai to a private hospital with the help of the Ada, he didn't want to team up with them but to protect dazai he needed to.

He still hated him, he hated that waste of bandages with his whole passion and will forever but they were partners for years, he couldn't just leave him to die. Maybe deep inside him he loved him and would accept it someday but right now he couldn't. Even if he wanted to accept it the hatred and pain he got from when dazai left. No letter, no apology, not even a goodbye, just a bomb at his car.

He wasn't allowed to go to the hospital and see dazai anymore so he could just looked at pictures of them and wish he was okay but there was one problem. Chuuya started to have a condition and his memories were blurry, he couldn't remember much. He was forgetting faces, places, times. And one of the things he was forgetting was dazai. Even if he looked at pictures of him and them together, in his mind he couldn't remember what he looked like, it was a blur, like he never existed.

"No no no no no." he still remember the memories they had together but what if tomorrow he was gonna lose that too? Their missions together, their dates, when they used to go to the sunflower field and be happy, when they smoked under the train station and drink till they got wasted and had no way to get back to the mafia, when dazai was cooking and burned the whole kitchen, when they had showered together once, everything.

After some days he got a call from the Ada "What?" "Dazai is out, he wants to see you" his eyes light up and you could notice the small smile on his face as he heard that he was alive, he rushed to his motorcycle and drove to the bandaged boy's house as fast as he could.

"Dazai-!" when he arrived he kept banging on the door, he didn't care, he repeated saying no no no no to the voice in his head saying that he cares about dazai but he wanted to see him, see that he is alive, that he achieved to save him.

Before he could smash the door open the bruenette opened it and chuuya slapped him "What was that for" "You trying to kill yourself when I came to apologise and talk!" Dazai chuckled softly and smiled at chuuya as he looked directly into his ocean blue eyes "Fair enough". Suddenly dazai held chuuya by the waist and kissed his lips softly, the ginger's lips were shore because he bites them from anxiety and stress but he didn't care, it was just them, their moment, their love. It was meant to be. All this years they were apart it was just for this kiss. The bandaged boy ran his fingers through chuuya's hair as they paused to take some air just to kiss again.

Dazai stopped running his hands on chuuyas hair and started exploring his body as he was about to take off his shirt but chuuya stopped and grabbed him by the collar "impatient" dazai smirked "oh really?" Chuuya kissed him while the bruenette opened his mouth and let the shorter's man tongue enter as he took off his shirt "I thought you died you fucker" "I tried" "I hate you" "That's why you're kissing me and let me touch your body?" Chuuya smiled started unbuttoning dazai's shirt "Yeah".

Dazai pinned chuuya against the door shutting it close and kissing him and his body slowly "I don't wanna lose you, ever again. I won't leave you ever again".

Kinda ironic isn't it?

Both naked, in each other's arms, it was just them, dazai's eyes were closed but he smiled as chuuya playing with his hair, he had his hands on chuuya's naked torso and with his other on the ginger's cheek, he held him close not wanting to let go, the showered together, fucked, and then just layed down in silence, enjoying each other's company. Even from when they were at the port mafia just silence was enough to feel the room as long as they were touching or looking at each other, this was enough for them. Their bodies had already connected and fell in love again and again. They didn't say anything, they didn't want to, they were sure before they could finish their sentence it would ruin what they have, they can't be together, they know it. One is a villain and the other a good guy, an angel and a devil, they weren't allowed to be together. It wasn't meant to be for them.

"I love you chuuya"

"I love you too osamu"

The next day it was just how chuuya expected it. He fell asleep in dazai's arms but didn't wake up in them. He had left, again. And he wouldn't come back this time, he didn't care about him. Chuuya was just something to make him happy, something to enjoy and then throw to him. No letter, no goodbye, not even a note, and he was sure he wouldn't see him again. He opened his phone just to get messages from kouyou saying 'The Ada is leaving Japan for some days' 'I told you he would leave you' 'you had sex with him didn't you?'

Chuuya took a cup of coffee and watched dazai's coat next to him, he left it on purpose so that the ginger could have something from him.

"You're such an asshole you know that osamu?"

The end.