And...The Rest...

Fu*k...Why Does Love Hurt?

Next morning I woke up and it was time for school. I saw that I got 45 missed calls and 128 messages from Johnny. He got into a car accident driving back home late last night. I called and called and called but there was no answer. I took my dad's truck and drove to the hospital he said he was at. I was driving at least 70 mph in a 30. I was freaking out and crying. When I got to the hospital I ran in and talked to the lady. 

She took me to his room since he put me on the family list. I walked inside his room and he was knocked out. I dropped to my knees and cried. 

I whispered to myself “What have I done!”

After a few minutes of being on the floor I got up and held his hand. His hand felt so cold and warm at the same time. It got me emotional.

“Shit…I am sorry. I am sorry I made you want to drive crazy going home. Please I am sorry I don’t wanna leave you I just wanted to be alone to think things through! Please Johnny talk to me. Baby I fucking love you with everything inside me I will sacrifice my own heart if you need it!”

I’m in so much pain saying these words. I never thought I would see my boyfriend in the hospital because of me…I cried for hours.

Hours passed and he still isn’t awake yet. I held his hand the whole time. Doctors came in and out telling me what's happening with him. Apparently right now he is in a coma. I was praying he would be awake soon. 

-Fast Forward: 5 Days-

He finally woke up on day 5… I cried again. I stood by his side the whole time.

He looked at me.

“I heard you the whole time. And it's not your fault. I promise you, no one matters more than you baby. Just you and I.'' He said as his voice started cracking into tears.

“I don’t care anymore! I only care if you’re ok. And if things aren’t going to be the same I will be forever by your side. No one comes close to how much I fucking love you!” I tried to control my emotions but I ended up crying mid sentence and he ended up pulling me into his bed and wrapping his arms around me.

“I will be fine.” He kissed my head and cuddled me. I felt so safe in his arms. Nothing else mattered. But him.

-Fast Forward: Finding out what's really wrong with Johnny-

He had to go get imaging done so I had to get up. He had gotten at least 12 different mri and 4 ct scans. He was gone for about an hour and a half. It felt like 3 days. 

When he finally came back I was relieved. 

“Hey how did it go”

“Baby…I may be paralyzed for the rest of my life…” He said while becoming really emotional. 

I stood up after the nurse left and sat next to him. I could see the pain in his eyes. The rain clouds in his mind. The burning torch that is going wild in his body.

“Bae, you will be ok. If I have to, I will come with you and go to school in Cali. I don’t wanna leave you alone while you're hurt.”

He knows I am hurting. I know I am hurting. I am so confused with my life that I don’t know what I am saying or doing! I just hope it's a good idea. 

He stayed quiet and looked at me. He put his hand on my face and pulled my face towards him. He kissed me and pulled me into a hug. He laid down and I laid next to him while our arms around each other turned into a cuddle. 

We just looked at each other and kissed a couple of times. I loved every second of it. No phones. No anything. Just us. 

After a while he fell asleep first and I fell asleep second. It was the best sleep of my life