And...The Rest...

Stress of course...

I woke up at 7 am to get a head start on my day before Johnny and the baby woke up. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, did my hair, washed my face and put makeup on. I did get a head start on school work too while eating breakfast downstairs.
Johnny woke up and came downstairs with the baby crying.
"Josey hungry I think." He hands me the baby and I start to breastfeed.
"Oh I made breakfast for you, it's inside the microwave. And I am almost done with school work so I have regents exams for the next few weeks in school." I smiled and looked at Johnny.
"Good I am proud of you! I have to finish my school work too, I will do it after breakfast." He smiled and kissed me.
"I will help you like always." I laughed.
"Yup, but what will happen when we're in the exam rooms?" He had this nervous
"Bae, you know all this, literally all I do is read you the questions. You do the work. You just need to read it on your own and you will be fine!"
Johnny is actually smart; he just plays dumb a lot.
"Ok, thanks babe" He sat next to me and ate his food while doing his school work too.
I finished breastfeeding and burping Josey and I put her in her bassinet next to me and finished up school work with Johnny. I thought I was almost done with school work but I was wrong, it was going to take hours. Josey was calm most of the time besides being a little fussy and hungry. Johnny was focused on his work and so was I.
When I finished my school work I was happy! But Johnny was far behind and he was doing school work all day. I took care of Josey all day while Johnny did his school work. Of course he took small breaks to help me out and show affection. That's who he is. He can never just ignore me.
I helped his mom around the house cleaning and stuff since she lets me live in her home for free so I make sure the house is sparkling clean. So I cleaned even though I shouldn't have.
When Johnny finally finished school work he scared me from behind and hugged me, laying his chin on my shoulder.
"You know you're not supposed to clean right?" He smiled and kissed my head.
"Well I want to still feel useful even though I am now a mother. I just want your mom to come home and relax too."
"She told you to lay off the cleaning bae, you just had a baby you should be resting! You know what, pump as much milk as you can to last 1 full day."
I didn't understand what he meant.
"Bae, what do you mean?"
"I wanna take you somewhere special, take you somewhere to rest and kick up your feet and relax. You deserve it, just us cuddling and resting." He said quietly.
"We have a baby! I can't leave her! That wouldn't be fair." I pushed him off of me.
"Ok...fine, I'm sorry." He walked away and went upstairs.
I wish he only knew that I am still in terrible pain but I am covering it up with a smile and I am depressed. But I don't wanna throw the stress on him.
I took care of Josey for the rest of the night. I felt overwhelmed at one point so I gave Josey to Johnny and went back downstairs and cried. I cried so hard and I was so confused with my life. I wanted to scream.
Johnny's mom walked in on me crying and walked over to me.
"Why are you crying baby? Did Johnny say something to you?"
"No, I am just going through a mental breakdown. Johnny wants to take me somewhere for a day but I just had a baby, I can't be separated from Josey for more than 2 hours. And Johnny being pissed off because I didn't wanna go is making it harder on me, plus my body is in so much pain right now and my world is crashing down on me and I know Johnny is going through it too so I don't wanna throw my pain at him while he is also barely floating in nothing but ocean so I hide it and it's making it worse."
All I know is that admitting that I was in pain physically and emotionally felt like a huge step. I felt like a piece of weight fell off my shoulders.
Johnny's mom gave me the biggest hug.
"Admitting you're in pain is a good thing. You two need to have a conversation with no distractions. No babies. No phones. No school work. Just you 2. Because for Josey to have a healthy future you guys need to figure out how to handle your stress and hurdles in your way. You both need to move around the hurdles together."
What she said was so true. I really wanted to talk to Johnny but since the baby came along it has been a lot harder to talk.