Sunflower Bath ~ A Karlnap Fanfiction

❛ I Miss You More Than I Want To❛

I dived into your arms, receiving a welcoming home. If I knew a puddle of sunflowers was all that stood between me and perfect, I would've splashed in it sooner. If I knew a puddle of sunflowers had limited use, I would've dried off later. How do I navigate back to our universe?

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Sapnap POV:

Cracked bottles lay on the ground for the fifth time this week. Our house reeks of marijuana for the forth time this week. My sister attempts suicide for the third time this week. My dad brings a hoe to our house for the second time this week. I lash out at him for the first time this week. I leave for the hundreth time this week.

"FINE THEN, PACK YOUR BAGS AND LEAVE! YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME YOU PUSSY!"

I can hear a shatter, most likely another broken bottle.

In this harsh environment you may think it's a struggle to stay alive, but it really isn't. Sure there are the dangers of shattered glass hitting my head, and the possibility of scars and scrapes ending up on my skin, but after eighteen years I'm used to it.

All I need is a breath of air to live, but to thrive I need much more. I need peace and quiet, an endless flower feild, my sister, all the time in the world, and my dad gone.

1. Peace and Quiet

All I hear is non-stop crying, yelling, moaning, and my own suicidal thoughts all day. Bickering goes through one ear, and out the other. Whether it's my own thoughts, or another being's. What I wish for is peace and quiet, even if it's for one day. A whole twenty four hours seems like paradise. I would savor that twenty four hours till the day I die. One day alone can do a lot more than you think, especially for a teenager like me.

"SUCH A WIMP! BE A MAN FOR ONCE AND STAND UP TO YOUR FATHER!"

2. An Endless Flower Field

Flowers are one of the most underrated beauties of the world. They're a beauty everyone should respect. One of the gorgeous features this Earth has to offer. Flowers remind me there are good things in life. Each petal is a nice aspect of the world. And when there's no petals left and your down to the core, then that's the real horrendous world. Luckily Mother Nature protects us from the core and preserves these wonders for us to enjoy. 

When I make it to the flower field all my worries wash away. A place that contains my peace and quiet. A place that contains harmony.

I hastily stuff all of my belongings in my bag. It's only a matter of time before I get hit and can't go anywhere. I can hear the footsteps getting closer and closer, he's coming.

My door swings open, alarming me. No one seemed to open the door. I looked further down the frame to find my sister sneaking into my room.

"Sappy, what are we going to do?"

3. My Sister

The only thing keeping me from killing myself is my sister. I have one mission, that is to protect her with all of my might. My goal is to not make this traumatized little girl like me. I'm old enough to move out, but I stayed for her. This little girl means the world for me. What kind of brother would I left her alone? Ten more years. Ten more years and she can make it out of here, we can make it out of here.

I plan a kiss on my crying sister's head and hand her a key.

"Lock your room with this, I'll be gone for about an hour."

She sniffles and holds in hear tears for a moment.

"Will you be back for my birthday?"

I smile and kneel down, giving her a hug.

"Yes of course I will. I wouldn't miss it, not a chance."

We stay in our hug for a while until we hear yet another thump. She smiles at me then rushes upstairs. I can hear the door shut. All I can do is hope. 

4. All The Time in The World

All of the time in the world really means ten more years, is that too much to ask for? Ten more years seems forever, but till then my mission is to survive. I don't need to live, but my sister does. I know this little girl has potential, I can see it in her glossy eyes. Deep down I see hope, and if we make it out alive she can use that hope to help and benefit others. Ten more years seems like all the time in the world, and eternity, but that's all I request.

I follow after my sister, but instead of running to her room, I run to the door. I escape this toxic house often, I know what I'm doing.

My dad approaches me, and tries to fight. I easily dodge his drunk punches and run down the stairs. My father- actually not my father. This man is no where near my father. This man is merely my biggest fear, a stranger.

My biggest fear stables down the stairs, almost falling with each drunk step.

5. My Biggest Fear Gone

He's not even my biggest fear at this point, he's my enemy. I am not afraid of how he stumbles in each night with a bottle of wine in his hand. I am not scared about the chicks he brings into my house. I'm worried about living.

My biggest fear is dying too soon, not my 'father.' Dying to soon would be within these next ten years, and I'm not ready to be buried six feet under. 

I make it to my door, slightly out of breath. My enemy doesn't try coming any closer to me, knowing that I can walk out before he does any damage. I twist the door nob and take my leave. Before I can go anywhere I hear his voice yell in my ears.

"YOUR A BITCH OF A SON, ALWAYS RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS!"

"And you cause them."