You Me, A Place To Be

𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭 | 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥

They don't talk on the way to Y/N's house. Peter doesn't say a single thing and Y/N gives him the space he needs. When he ignores her third  "Are you okay?" and "Do you want to talk?" When they finally reach Y/N's flat, she asks Peter if he wants tea. Peter doesn't say anything, but he nods. Y/N goes to the kitchen, Peter goes to her bedroom.

Peter sits on the carpet beside the bed, resting his back on it. He bends his knees, resting his forearms on them and closing his eyes. He feels frozen, and he may look quiet but his mind is screaming. Then he hears a soft, "Meow." and when he opens his eyes, Soho is sitting by his side, head tilted. She looks at him for a second before shoving her head into Peter's right hip.

He looks at her for a moment before he holds her, crossing his legs so he can keep her on his lap. As he caresses her, he closes his eyes again. He can't stop thinking about was happened at the cafe. He can't stop replaying the moment he's locked inside his mind for so long.

The moment he broke up with Y/N.

And, God, he wishes it could be just glimpses of it. He wishes it could just come so blurred that he wouldn't be able to remember it properly. But it's not. Peter remembers it vividly like it happened yesterday.  He feels suffocated, he feels all of the heavy weight on his shoulders. But most of all, he feels regretful.

Peter regretted breaking up with her the moment he let those words out of his mouth. But he's never regretted it more than he does now. Because, replaying the memories in his head, he can hear the confusion in Y/N's voice, he can hear her not understanding where this was coming from - like Peter was just breaking up with her because she forgot their anniversary.

Peter feels like crying because he can't stop wondering if he just talked to Y/N, maybe she would've started to call him more, and maybe she would've gotten a ticket to come to visit him, maybe things would've gone back to normal. Maybe loving her wouldn't hurt anymore.

And Peter wants to talk to her, he wants to tell her all the things that are on his mind, all the things that were on his mind back then, but then he can't even bring himself to answer if he wants fucking tea.

When Y/N comes to the room, she spots Peter on the floor. She walks towards him. "Here is your tea." She says quietly, just standing in front of him, "Can I sit with you?" She asks - like she doesn't feel free to do so anymore, like they're back to square one.

Peter doesn't say no, so Y/N takes the consent, taking thing the place on the carpet, right next to Peter - on his right. It's quiet for a moment, all Peter can think is that if he told Y/N how he felt, they probably wouldn't be stuck in this situation -Peter gets quiet and Y/N is afraid he's pushing her away again.

Y/N licks her lips, "Do you want to talk about it?" She asks, voice coming out soft - like she wants him to know she is there for him.

"I should've told you how I felt." Is all Peter says, still looking down at the cat, his cup of tea resting on the ground a bit further to his left.

"It's okay." Y/N tells him.

"It's not." Peter shakes his head. He stays silent for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek a bit too roughly. Taking a deep breath, he parts his lips again. "When I say that you left me," He starts. "I don't mean physically."

Y/N stays quiet, looking at him, but she furrows her eyebrows, a confused expression on her face. "It wasn't distance that made me break up with you, Y/N." Peter whispers. "It didn't matter to me that you were moving to the other side of the world..." He shakes his head. He looks down for a moment more before he turns to look at Y/N. He sounds powerless when he says, "I broke up with you because I felt like you didn't love me anymore."