You Me, A Place To Be

𝐨𝐧𝐳𝐞 | 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬

It takes Peter over half an hour to stop sobbing in Happy's car. He told Happy he can't leave yet. Happy doesn't say anything, he just looked at Peter with Sympathy. He doesn't look up at the sky, knows all too well one of the planes he sees could be the one that's flying Y/N away from him and he doesn't really think he'd be able to handle it.

Y/N left him.

And Peter knows that it doesn't mean they are breaking up - it doesn't mean they'll grow apart. Still, he can't help but feel like this was goodbye.

It doesn't feel nearly as real as it does when he's finally managed to tell Happy turn the car on and start driving back to Queens.  From this day on, Y/N's house is off limits to him, even if Happy and May said he's always welcome to come around to have dinner with them even when he's in college. There's no fucking way Peter is sleeping in her bed - not when he knows he'll smell her and not be able to hold her. Not when he has no clue when he'll hold her again.

It doesn't feel nearly as real as it does when he's fifteen minutes into the ride. Peter remembers that Y/N made him a playlist - "only listen when I'm not... you know" She said as she mentioned it to him.

It's with shaky hands that he reaches out for his phone, lying on the cup holder. He tries not to cry harder when he sees his lock screen picture. It's him and Y/N lying in the her bed, laughing - on the same day they made love for the first time after they got back together again, also the same day Y/N first said "I love you."

He taps on the screen until he finds Y/N's Spotify profile and goes through the familiar playlists until he finds the single one he doesn't know.
Y/N named it "while i'm off becoming the besttttt designer." Peter hesitates before tapping on it to open - He even considers not ever going through it, doesn't know if he'll be able to deal with the meaningful songs Y/N chose -, and it's only moments later - after staring at it, frozen in his seat, he clicks on it. There is always a description in her playlists. Y/N's always left the sweetest messages in the description, Peter is used to it. But, this one... Shit. This one hits harder than any other has ever hit him. "please know that I'm yours to keep, my beautiful boy. i will love you always x" is what it reads. Peter feels his heart shatter inside his chest and, from this moment on, reality only hits harder and harder and harder.

And Peter realises that, shit. Y/N really fucking left him.

Peter doesn't move - except for his torso, involuntarily moving up and down as he sobs quietly -, staying still in the passenger seat for the first three songs.

The first song is Always by Ashe. Peter doesn't know this one, but as soon as it hits the chorus, he recognises it from the description. "I don't care what people say, you know I wont force you to stay. Don't want you to go, but I'll be okay, and I'll love you always.". It makes him feel nauseous.

Peter knows it's always been Y/N's dream to either become an designer or to sing - mostly the first choice since she's never been too confident of her voice.

Peter knows and he's always, always supported her in the decision to leave to Europe after they graduate - always supported all her choices -, but he never thought he'd have to watch her move to the other side of the world.

And it hits really hard because Peter feels guilty. He feels guilty because he is selfish - enough that he'd rather have Y/N here with him than have her try out something she loves. Still, not selfish enough that she ever told him that.