Real intimacy usually starts from afar

Episode 6. Eternal

As a group we walked, through the tall grass to this very barn. As we got closer we heard wheezing sounds. The door was well boarded up, but there were gaps. Shane stepped closer and peered through one of the openings. Abruptly he backed away from the door, passing Rick with his shoulder and said:

- Don't tell me you're okay with this!

- No, but we're guests here. This isn't our land. - Rick began to argue.

- It's our lives! We have to go in there and do what needs to be done, or we have to leave.

- We can't leave.

- Why not?

- Because my daughter's still there. - Carol interjected. There was still hope in her eyes that her little girl was alive.

- Okay, um... All right. (Sighs) I think it's time we look at our other options.

- Shane, we're not leaving Sophia.

- I almost found the girl! Found her damn doll two days ago. - Daryl's already stepped into the conversation.

- You found her doll, Daryl, the doll!

- You don't understand a damn thing. - Daryl came up close and personal with Shane.

- I'm just telling it like it is. A good lead makes sense for the first 48 hours. I'll tell you something else: if she was alive and saw you walking with a knife, with zombie ears around her neck, she'd run the other way.

- Fuck you, asshole! - The boys started throwing themselves at each other, but Rick and Glenn held them back in time. This was the first time I'd ever seen Daryl in such a state. Although, psychologists claim that the main cause of aggressive behaviour is repressed sexual attraction. The thought even made me laugh a little, and I grinned involuntarily. It was only now that Shane turned his attention back to me:

- Gabby, and you're too quiet. Is there anything you want to tell us?

- I don't think so. - They obviously don't need to know about me eavesdropping on conversations.

- Rick, you're out of your mind. You're bringing the wrong person into the group in the first place. Maybe she's helping Hershel!

- Use your head, Shane. - I turned around and walked away towards my tent. I'm not interested in hearing Walsh yell at me, especially when he's not himself. I could feel the murderous stare with my whole body. Still, I wouldn't find common ground with some of the group. Maybe it was for the best.

I don't know what conclusion Rick will come to. Maybe he'll persuade Hershel, or maybe they'll leave. But keeping a dozen walkers near your house is not normal! They're not people anymore. And they'll never be human again. Anyway, I can protect myself. I've got plenty of free time, maybe I can get some rest. If we leave, there might not be that opportunity. I immediately fell completely into my handkerchief. Without thinking long, I pulled out my notebook and biros. The farm is indeed an interesting place, very inspiring. Quickly scribbling lines in my notebook, I thought about finding Sophie. The only thing they'd found in all this time was her toy. There was no trace of blood on it, the dirt had long since dried. I'm sure that toy hasn't been there for the first day. I haven't seen any traces or drops of blood around. Sophie's dead. There's no chance for a child to survive out here, alone, without a weapon or the ability to defend herself. And we weren't finding any more evidence. It reminded me of criminology practice. Few people knew what I do. It's a profession closed off from society. With a job like this, you work around the clock and you can forget about holidays. But I got great skills.

In half my sleep, I could hear the birds chirping and the leaves rustling. Sometimes you forget where you are and what a difficult time it is. Time passes slowly when you follow it. It senses being followed. But it takes advantage of our absent-mindedness. It is even possible that there are two times: the one we follow and the one that transforms us.

Proclaim the past, define the present, predict the future.

My tranquillity did not last long. Loud voices were heard outside the house. Today was clearly not my day of rest. Tucking my gun into my pocket, I stepped out. Shane was standing outside the house with a large bag of guns.

- What's all this about? - Daryl asked, but took the gun.

- Are you with me?

- Yes.

I stopped further away from them. As far as I know, you can't walk around with a gun on the farm like that. I mean, no one knows what anyone's plans are.

- It's time to grow up. Andrea, do you have your gun?

- Yeah. Andrea answered and reloaded it.

- I thought we weren't allowed to carry guns. - said Glenn, getting up from the steps.

- We can and we should. How about you, will you defend yourself? - He held out his gun to Glenn.

- You can stop! If you do, your father will throw you out today. - Maggie started. You could tell by the way she was really friendly with us.

- We have to stay, Shane. - Carl said.

- We're not going anywhere. Look, Hershel just needs to understand. We need to find Sophia. Am I right? I want you to take this..." Shane started handing Carl the gun.

Next thing I know, I see Hershel, Rick and another guy pulling two walkers into the farmhouse. Everyone rushed towards them and so did I. Shane shouted over and over again, waving his arms and weapon, that the walkers weren't human.

I was out of breath for a while, but a few shots at a walker brought me out of my thoughts. Oh, I had a feeling this wasn't going to end well... More shots and more screaming. The last shot, clearly in the centre of the forehead.

- Stop risking our lives for a little girl who's missing. Stop living next to a barn full of critters. Enough, Rick, it's not like it used to be. Now if you want to survive, you have to fight! I say you have to fight right here. Right now. - Walsh wouldn't let up and kept pushing his point.

No one understood Shane's behavior. Hershel dropped to his knees and looked slumped. At some point I really felt sorry for him, for under such circumstances many people go nuts, and Hershel is a good man. Rick tried to reason with Walsh, but all in vain. Shane rushed to the barn. He started breaking down the doors. And he did it.

- Come on! Come on out! We're here!" Shane started shouting.

Crowds of walkers began to come out of the shed and one by one they all fell to the ground with each step. Shots were fired. Shots came from all of them. I don't want to waste my ammo and get involved in their showdown. As a last resort, I'll use a knife. Besides, I'm new here, I don't care about their quarrels. I got closer to the barn when the group had shot everyone. All the walkers were lying motionless. There was only one left. A girl came out of the barn. Carol rushed towards her, tears pouring from her eyes. It's Sophie. I intercepted Carol, holding her tightly to keep her away from the walker. She was sobbing and tearing. She was really in pain. Much more painful than having transparent hope. I fell to the ground with her, holding her with both hands. Rick raised his gun and fired, the girl's body collapsed to the ground with the rest of the walkers. She was now dead and plunged into darkness.

Eternal.