I am in a weird mood
I can't say I'm sad and I can't say I'm happy
I feel overwhelmed
And my heart seems heavy
Like my throat is raspy
And my eyes puffy
Because I need to release
This weird inky feeling
I don't know if this feeling is permanent
But I want it to stop
I feel like everything around me is jet black
And very irritable
There is something brewing in me
And I'm afraid the pang of sorrow in my mind
Is darkening the brightness in my eyes
I am very confused
There is peace and silence
But the chaos seems to overshadow it
There is a small voice trying to cheer me up
But it's silenced by all the doubts
And unanswered questions
I hate that no one understands how I am feeling
They just think I'm upset
Weirdly, I hate that they are happy
I need them to sulk and be gloomy
Like me. or maybe I am just being selfish?
But what's wrong with being selfish?
All the time, I have to put up this stupid facade that everything is fine.
Because I am scared they will think I am damaged
Think I am too needy and stop confiding in me
All I need is someone to understand how
I am feeling, assure me, I'm not crazy
And that normal people also feel this way
That the numbness, the urge to be alone
Is okay
That I can get my smile again, that it's okay to feel that you're not enough
But words and thoughts are dangerous things
They give ease at the expense of sanity
I am stuck in my own chasm
Of dark and tormenting thoughts
I thought keeping my mind busy would help
I hope it works.....
~b.h.s~
