Steel Skin: Pitch Black (Explicit)

86:00 The Dreaded Wound

It seems like everything has been going downhill for Alessandro. Matapos makita ang text na iyon ay para'ng piniga ng husto ang kanyang puso. Tulala siyang napabagsak sa waiting shed sa lobby ng opisina ng Banco del Mundo, balisa, at hindi makapaniwala.

He probably needs to find Jourdan and ask her to slap him, because this does not seem real. The pain made him realize just how much Callie means to him. It means heaven and hell, and everything in between can fuck-off.

Siguro'y hindi na mahalaga sa kanya kung mababaw lang ba ang pagmamahal sa kanya ng babae o kung mas malalim ba ang nararamdaman niya dito, because right then and there, when she insulted his being by breaking up with him through text, ay handa siyang lumuhod para dito at magkaawa na bawiin ang sinabi-- he is willing to do it, and he cannot wait to do so.

Dahil maaayos pa naman 'to, hindi ba? She is just lonely and grieving, and she needs him, and she does not understand it. She doesn't realize it. He is willing to lose everything for her.

It turns out that not only did he lose everything, but also her.

Isang mahinang buntong-hininga ang lumabas sa kanyang bibig habang takip ang mga mata, nakasandal ang mga siko sa magkabilang tuhod.

He cannot lose, Callie. Not now, when they both needed each other. When he needed someone after losing everything.

Kahit ano pa ma'ng gawin nito'y hindi niya magawang magalit dito dahil higit pa ang pagmamahal niya dito kaysa sa sarili. Kaya nama'y nalilito siya kung saang parte siya nagkamali. Where did all went wrong? May nagawa ba siya'ng kasalanan sa babae? There should be, and he needs to find out and say sorry.

Mababawi niya pa ito, at magkakabalikan sila. Callie did not mean it, and he will forgive her as so does she.

***

She has learned a tough and searing lesson that day.

Grieving appears to not only reserve for the dead, so long as loss is felt.

Something seemed to put a stake through her heart, twisted it, and pulled it right back just to have her feel the knife again. She tries to wash it out her mind, dahil akala niya'y mawawala ito, but it wasn't easy at all. And it didn't.

That day, she finished her math quiz acing it for the first time, but with every stroke of her pen is her mind bursting of thoughts of him, all wandering, all worrying, and all... shattering.

That day, she broke a laboratory apparatus called flask while on an activity during their science class. The teacher sermons her while she's on the floor, picking up the broken fragments of the flask, with no one helping her. One finger was cut, and she gasped in fear. She jerked and hugged her hand as an automatic response after seeing blood. She thought of him.

That day, she has received a rumor that she has such a scandalous and forbidden affair with a priest. With none other than, father Jimmy. She could not start to explain that nothing is there between them, or who to explain this to. Why would there be such rumor? She thought of him to vent her mad thoughts out, and weep, and wait for him in the kitchen, watching him prepare her glass of milk for her.

That day, all her classmates left the room and she is one of the assigned group to clean. No one is here with her, to help her. She thought of him while mopping the floor and wiping the whiteboard. She tries to bury him in the deepest part of her mind, so he can drown there, until he sinks, until he can be felt no more. But she was to sank down the floor, after her knees trembled, wobbling, as were her lips. Sa tagong parte na iyon ng silid ay siyang pagsandal niya sa dingding, tamlay na nakababa ang dalawang kamay, na ang isa'y may hawak na pamahid sa board.