Map of the Lost

38

"Papa naman! Ikaw nga 'yung panay asar diyan sa 'kin kay Cole!" The party ended and we were already packing up. Ate Sydney just had to bring it up again because she found it too funny.

"E, hindi naman ako prepared! Sana nakapag ready ako ng speech diba?"

Umupo na si Ate Syd, tumatawa habang nakahawak sa tyan. "Pa! Ang tanda na nitong si Sab gusto mo pa rin mag feeling intimidating tatay mode."

"E si bunso pa rin 'yan!" Patuloy na pinagtatawanan ni ate si papa habang si papa hindi mapakali sa naging reaction niya kanina. Si mama naman nakita kong tahimik niya lang kami pinagmamasdan na may nakadikit na maliit na ngiti sa labi. When our eyes locked, I ran to her and hugged her.

"Masaya ako para sa 'yo, anak." Bulong niya.

"Hindi ka mukhang masaya ah? Akala ko ba namiss mo?" Binisita ko si Kei sa ospital at break daw niya. We were at the rooftop at may dala rin kaming kape at tinapay na binili lang din sa canteen. Umupo kami sa isang bench at tahimik na nakatitig lang si Kei sa kawalan.

May kwinento 'to sa amin ni Red kagabi, e. Nagulat din ako kasi ang tagal niya rin sinubukang hanapin siya at ngayon lang talaga siya nagpakita ulit.

"Gusto mo pag-usapan?" Tanong ko pero agad siyang umiling. Hahayaan ko na lang muna ang isang 'to mag-isip isip.

Hindi ko muna siya kinibo at hinayaan ko muna siya magmuni muni sa tabi ko. Pero maya maya nagsalita na rin siya ulit, changing the subject.

"Did mom call you again?" Tinabi ko muna 'yung kape ko bago huminto para mag-isip.

"Oo. Kinamusta niya ako..." Sagot ko pero nakatingin lang si Kei sa akin na para bang alam niyang may kulang sa impormasyon na binibigay ko. I sighed in defeat. "Yes, she asked me again."

Tumungo siya pagkatabos niya maglabas ng mabigat na hinga. He massaged his temples as if frustrated. "I already talked to her about it. She just won't listen..." he started ranting.

I pressed my lips together into a thin line before getting his hand kaya tinaas naman niya ang tingin sa akin. "Okay lang. Hayaan mo na si tita..." I gave him a faint smile. "She's just in a tough spot right now and I understand. Tsaka, hindi naman ako nakukulitin sa kanya."

"I know that. But it's been years. She's gonna have to let it go somehow."

"Kei," I called in warning. Siguro nastrestress lang 'to. Lately Kei's mother had been out of her usual headspace. She often gets too emotional and wary about her surroundings. Every time I visit her, she talks to me and it always like she's worried about something that's gonna go wrong. I know how worried Kei had also been, no wonder he's been pre-occupied.

Pinag-usapan pa namin ang lagay ni tita. Binanggit niya sakin ang mga nappansin ng daddy niya sa mga kilos ni tita na kakaiba. Madalas daw nagigising 'to ng madaling araw at matapos n'on hindi na siya makakatulog. So now they're thinking of making her see a therapist again.

Sa totoo lang, naawa ako kay tita. I feel like what she needs is a company. Masyado na kasing busy si Kei sa residency niya, tapos nag-aaral pa siya pag wala siyang duty. Si tito naman busy din 'yun. That's why I try to visit her when I get the time. Sabi ni Kei dapat hindi na ako mag-abala but I like taking care of tita. Parang second mother ko na rin kaya siya. So I don't mind squeezing some time with her.

And besides. I get this comfortable feeling around her. By doing this, I feel closer to Alli.

"El, I want to ask you something..." I said in my small voice. My gaze was focused on my fidgeting fingers on my lap. I could feel Kei shifting his position to focus his attention on me. I hear him hum, as if urging me to continue.