The Child of Demonic Cultivation

Unruly Helplessness

WC: 1012

Whenever Lan Tain thought of home they never thought of the walls and rules of the Cloud Recesses or the surrounding forestry and land, they always thought of a place they had never actually been until this year. It took him a moment to connect the two areas as the one in his head barely matched the one he saw. Lan Tian always imagined a place guarded by walls and fierce corpses, full with people they had never met and camps they had never seen. The place that called to hm the most was the cave. He could see the makeshift sleeping area, and the disheveled talismans and work scattered around its interior. A place that was an escape, a place of refuge for those who needed it, and somehow, at one point in time he protected it.

It was only now, running away from the person he loved and being dragged away by his make shift family that Lan Tian finally drew the parallels. Of course it was the burial grounds, of course it was where they learned the bulk of demonic cultivation, and of course it was the one place Lan Wanji never wanted them to go.

Everywhere else Lan Tian went he felt afraid and alone, no matter who was with him. It didn't matter if their father was around, if Jin Ling was near by, they were still always on high alert for danger. However, throughout Wei Wuxian's quiet groans of pain and Lan Wangji's momentary panic, Lan Tian realized that the past while since Wei Wuxian's arrival has been the only time they have ever let their guard down. For once their hands weren't clenched, and their brain wasn't constantly looking for escape roots. Or at least until now.

Every time Lan Tian closed his eyes he could see the moments that made him this way, that haunted his every move. They were young, too young. Only five when they first experienced the pain. He could hear the laughter, the mockery. It wasn't just children, but adults too. To make it even worse it was their first time out of the Recesses. What they didn't know was their dad was also in pain, he never showed it, but he was. They went around to different areas, anywhere, just searching for a sign from Wei Wuxian, but it was to no avail. To be honest back then Lan Tian didn't notice the laughter or comments until they met their second last location. Lan Wangji had gone to a near by cave to search for Wei Wuxian and left Lan Tian alone with a village elder. It didn't take long for the bigotry to start. Children from the village began to call him names and the village cultivators tried every talisman they could think of to try and repel the spirit that they thought must have been controlling Lan Tian. It was the only reason for his difference from their understanding. Only a few moments before Lan Wanji arrived back at the village did the group give up. He found his child sitting in the corner of a building alone dried tears streaking their face. All Lan Tian wanted to do was cry and run to his father but the elders yelled at him every time he did it while is dad was away so he learned not to. They were afraid that their dad was going to hurt them for crying so he said nothing, did nothing, just stared at him.

Another moment he could remember vividly was his first crush. For days Lan Tian had been working up the urge to talk to her, this amazing girl who was one of the only people to treat them nicely. When Lan Tian approached her she responded as she always did, with a smile and short greeting. It was the highlight of their day sometimes. However, the moment he asked her to study together and spend time with each other, her friends just laughed. They began to call him the same names the elders at the village called him when he was five, and she did nothing. The girl just came up with a fake excuse and ran away. They were broken. Their heart felt as if it had been trampled on by a thousand fierce corpses, and became just as scared as they were ten years ago at that horrible village. Within a day it was as if the whole Recesses knew, the dirty looks they got increased and the words from others became sharper.

Lan Tian never told his dad though, any of it. The village, the girl, nothing. They knew he probably heard about it but they never talked about any of it. Ever.

The isolation helped in a twisted, round about way though.  With no friends or other to occupy their time, Lan Tian focused on studying, cultivation, demonic cultivation, Wei Wuxian and how to secretly break the Recesses rules. Sure it got them disciplined a few hundred times but that just made them that much better for the next time. Sometimes they would get caught on purpose, it was the only way to get his dad's attention some days. There was one day every year when Lan Wangji was particularly bothered and Lan Tian hated it. All he wanted was to spend time with his father when all he did was spend time alone in his quarters. Later Lan Tian realized that this was the anniversary of the death of the Yiling Patriarch. So, while Lan Wangji was mourning Lan Tian put him in a never ending game of cat and mouse to try and see him.

Now Lan Tian finally had everything they always wanted. They were one of the most powerful cultivators due to demonic cultivation, they had a happy weird family, friends from the Recesses, and a wonderful boyfriend who cared for him. Or at least used to have. They could feel it all slipping away in this moment, everything they worked so hard for and they could do nothing.