Live, Laugh, Loathe

Chapter 24: Drew

I'm drifting towards wakefulness when I feel the bed shift.

At first, I think Damon's just getting up for the day, but instead, he slides down on the bed. I crack one eye open just enough to see, curious about what he's doing. His head is now level with my belly, hand gently stroking the spot where the baby is kicking. He's overjoyed now that he can feel the baby kicking too.

Sensing that I'm about to witness something, I stay still, keeping my breathing slow and even, wondering what he's doing.

"Hiya Peanut. It's your dad. Did you sleep ok?" My heart seizes in my chest; he's talking to our kid.

"Did you know your mom is convinced you're a boy? She thinks you have to be a boy because you kick her in the kidneys daily. But you and I know she's wrong. We met your cousin yesterday. He's so tiny, and I realized you will be that tiny too. And now I'm both excited and terrified for your arrival. I love you so much already, but I know that love will grow the second I have you in my arms. I just want you to know that I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you safe and that I can't wait to meet you."

He pauses before leaning forward to kiss my belly. I stay still, not wanting to break the spell. A moment later, I feel his lips ghost over mine before retreating. I almost get up, I almost go find him in the bathroom for a proper kiss, maybe more, but something stops me.

He just poured his heart out to our kid. Who, by the way, is totally a boy. But I have this niggling feeling that if I get up now and initiate more, he'll think it's just because of that adorable one-sided conversation he just had and not because I'm finally asking for what I want.

So, I'll wait. Just a little longer.

---

I must drift off for a bit because I'm awoken to the smell of bacon sometime later.

Following my nose, I find Damon at the stove, flipping strips of bacon and prepping eggs for a scramble. I pad towards him, slipping my arms around his waist from behind, resting my head against his back. He immediately turns to pull me into a hug, kissing the very top of my head.

"Good morning. Did you sleep ok?" I nod against his shoulder, eyeing the bacon. I'm so hungry.

"I hope most of that is for me. Baby is ravenous this morning." He chuckles while using the tongs to flip the bacon once more before turning off the burner. He then pours the egg mixture into a pre-heated pan, adding cheese as the eggs start to firm up, stirring occasionally. All the while holding me against his side.

"I'll always make sure you and the baby have enough to eat. Now go set the table; food's almost ready." He sends me off with a slap to the ass that I secretly love, grinning ear to ear.

"What are you smiling about?" I ask, licking my lips as he brings over the platter of food.

"We have the baby class today. After meeting Max last night, I'm excited to take the class and get some real practice." He sits next to me and heaps eggs and bacon onto my plate. I already poured our orange juices and set out the fruit. Looks like he mixed some spinach into the eggs as well. My stomach grumbles at the sight.

"You do realize that we'll be taking care of a doll, right? It's all fake." The first bite of food is hot, but the cheese is melty and tastes amazing. I have to close my eyes, it's so good.

"Oh, I know, but it's still better than nothing. Holding Max last night made me realize how underprepared I am for the baby to actually be here. Come on, eat up. We don't want to be late." He proceeds to stuff his face like a fifth grader who's about to miss the bus. I glance at the clock, just in case I slept longer than I realize, but we still have three whole hours before the class starts.

This man is such a fucking dork.

---

"Welcome pregnant people and partners. How is everyone doing today?" The class greets the woman leading the course. She looks to be in her fifties and introduced herself as Samra. She's been a doula for over twenty-five years and brings her Arabic and Muslim perspective into her work and classes. She gives off this calming, confident vibe, and I can tell the whole room is hanging on her every word.

"Let's start the class today by thinking about our intentions for being here. I know many of you may feel you have to be here, but I want to remind you that this class isn't a requirement for parenthood. You are here to feel more prepared and for me to answer your questions. I want you to leave here feeling confident in your birth plan and your ability to care for your baby. So, if you leave not feeling that way, consider coming back. There's no rule that says you can only come here once. Parenthood is scary, but you don't have to do it alone." She's walking through the tables, stopping here and there to share a quick word with a couple. The rest of us are writing on our worksheets.

Damon is practically bouncing in his seat, scribbling enthusiastically. I sneak a look and have to quickly look away. His first sentence was too much.

I want to leave this class today feeling more ready for the baby and more confident in how I can help my partner, Drew.

He's too perfect sometimes. If he hadn't gotten me pregnant, I'd think he was a robot.

Samra stops by our table and smiles. "I heard from Patricia that you two would be here today. She's a long-time friend; you're in good hands. Is there anything specific you want me to address today?"

Damon nods, "I'm just so nervous about all of it. But mostly once the baby is here. We have our birth plan set, so I know what to expect and how I can help. It's just everything else." He shrugs, suddenly sheepish.

Samra just smiles and nods. "Many parents feel that way. It's normal and healthy. We'll work with our dolls in the second half of the class and practice swaddling and changing diapers. I think you'll feel much better after. Just remember, you have resources to help. Don't ever hesitate to ask for it. And what about you, mama? Anything specific you want me to go over?"

I shake my head. "I'm mostly in the same boat as Damon. I'm just ready for this baby to be here." She smiles, probably used to hearing that every day.

"I understand completely. Well, if you do think of something, let me know. Or chat with Patricia." She moves back to the front of the class and starts the projector.

"Now we're about to start everyone's least favorite part. We're going to watch three birth videos. A cesarian, a vaginal birth with an epidural, and a vaginal birth without. While these are examples of each going to plan, they can be hard to watch for some. If you need to step out at any point, please don't hesitate to do so."

We collectively squirm in our seats. I vaguely remember watching a birth video in high school health class once, but I think I may have blocked it out. I am not prepared for the first video.

Within two minutes, Damon is white as a sheet, hands covering his eyes, with just enough space between his fingers to see. A minute later, a non-pregnant parent bolts from their chair, heading straight for the bathroom. No one laughs. We're all horrifically transfixed by what's happening on screen.

After the C-section, Samra pauses and discusses what to expect. What could go wrong. And why sometimes it's unavoidable. She talks about aftercare and healing time, and I'm just crossing my fingers I won't need any of this knowledge.

Patricia, Damon, and I built a plan that is as natural as possible but in a birth center attached to a hospital. I'm also keeping an epidural in my back pocket. Just in case I decide, I don't actually want to feel it all.

When we get to the vaginal births, I'm less ill. These go as I've always expected, and it feels less scary for me. Damon also looks less sick but turns to me and says, "After watching these, I'll never ask you to have another."

I try not to cry at the implication that we'll still be together enough to think about another kid. Instead, I just roll my eyes and shake my head. We need to get this first baby out before even thinking about a fictional second kid.

The baby rolls around, pressing up against my diaphragm. He or she agrees, clearly.