Live, Laugh, Loathe

Chapter 11: Damon

It took all of my self-control to not interrogate Drew about her health last week. She was clearly dealing with something, but we were so busy with the pitch that I decided I'd wait to bring it up.

It's now Monday, and she still looks green around the gills.

I've seen her gag twice within the same meeting. She did not do a good job of hiding it. This is ridiculous.

"Drew?" I call from my desk.

"Yes?" She spins in her chair to look at me through the open door. She looks exhausted.

"Can you come in here, please? And shut the door too, thanks." If I wasn't so worried about her, the look of fear on her face would have made me laugh. She's fantastic at her job, and honestly? Wasted as my assistant. Why does she always think she's getting fired.

She takes her customary seat across from me and gulps audibly.

"Drew, I know I'm your boss and have no position to ask personal questions, especially since you continue to do stellar work. But you've been ill since last week, and I can't let this go on in good conscience. What's going on?" Her face completely drains of color, and her eyes go wide. Oh fuck, now it looks like she's about to cry.

Whatever I imagined the issue was, I never would have guessed what she said next.

"Damon." She pauses, quickly wiping the tears out of her eyes, looking down at her lap. This is not the confident woman of the last few months. "I'm... I'm pregnant."

I can't hear anything over the roaring in my ears.

Pregnant.

Holy.

Shit.

"It's mine?" My voice is gruff. I can't figure out what it is that I'm feeling.

"Yes." The second she confirms, I'm out of my chair and kneeling in front of hers, gently taking her hands in mine. I wait until her gaze meets mine. Fuck, she looks so uncertain.

"Drew, however you want to handle this, I'm behind you one hundred percent, ok?" Her top lip trembles as more tears leak out. "This is your body, all the risks are on you, and if you decide it's too much and don't want to continue this pregnancy, I understand and will help. Nothing else matters beyond what you want."

She nods jerkily, pulling one hand away to wipe at her cheeks.

My brain is racing. Suddenly restructuring around this news. And I'm struck with the realization that I want this baby.

Sure, this isn't in my plans; hell, I've hardly thought about it. But now that it's potentially happening, my brain is already showing me scenarios like picking my kid up from soccer practice or working together on their math homework, both equally confused.

And it's not just the baby. Drew is there too. Because now nothing that has held me back these last few months matters. If she decides to keep this baby, she'll be the mother of my child, superseding anything I thought was important. And I already admitted to myself and Collin that I wanted her; my brain takes no effort to decide that I want her permanently in my life.

But I don't say anything and try to keep my expression as neutral as possible because what I said was the truth. All the risk of pregnancy falls on her shoulders. And even though I want this baby, I only want it if she does. I would never try to pressure her into keeping it if she doesn't.

"I think I want to keep it." Her watery voice breaks my reverie, and I have to work hard not to smile. "Does that make me crazy?"

"No, Drew. It absolutely doesn't. Are you sure? Maybe take the week to think about it? I don't-"

"Don't patronize me, Damon. I know how important it is to be sure."

"Of course, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound patronizing. I would hate it if I found out later that you felt pressured, that's all."

"I appreciate that, thank you. But I spent the whole weekend thinking about it. And regardless of how involved you want to be, I want this baby. It's a little earlier than I planned, but I can handle this. I want this." Her tone is firm, resolute. Final.

"Alright. Let's set up a meeting with HR then and see how they want to handle this." I'm racing through possible scenarios, trying to devise a working solution, so HR doesn't do something stupid.

"What? Absolutely not." Drew abruptly stands, forcing me to fall back on my ass.

"We're going to have to tell them eventually. Why wait?" I stand but resist going to her. She's hugging herself while pacing the length of the office.

"Are you kidding me? Damon, I just made it past the new hire probationary period and am getting my benefits. HR will take one look at this situation and will find a way to fire me."

"You really think I would let that happen?"

"I know you would try your best, but if push came to shove, they'd find a way around you. It's still early enough that management could come up with any reason, and it would be good enough. Don't pretend to be naïve about this; this happens to pregnant people all the time." I want to argue, but she has a point.

"Plus, I'm just not ready. I just need some time with this before the rumor mill starts. I mean, come on, Damon, I slept with my boss and got pregnant. People will talk, and none of it will be nice."

Another excellent, if depressing, point. "Alright, but we can't wait too long. Eventually, people will notice, and keeping quiet will make it worse." She sighs and nods, heading for the door.

"We have a meeting in ten. I'll meet you there." She sounds so tired; I almost ask her to go home for the day. But I know she'll just bite my head off if I suggest it.

"Come have dinner with me. Tonight." She turns and looks at me like I've grown two heads. "We're having a baby; we should discuss it. In private. Do you have any doctors' appointments set up yet?"

She nods. "Yes, I have one tomorrow morning at seven."

"Can I come?"

"Do you want to?"

"Yes. Only if you're comfortable with it. But yes, I want to be as involved as you'll allow." She just stares at me, stunned. As if my wanting to be involved never occurred to her. It stings, but I understand. After how I've acted recently, I would be surprised too.

"Ok." She leaves and retakes her seat at her desk.

I quickly return to my own and start looking up pregnancy and parenting books, automatically ordering the top five on each list.

I refuse to let Drew or this baby down.