Addicted to You

𝟚𝟟 | ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕓𝕝𝕖𝕞𝕤 𝕒𝕟𝕕 ℙ𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕤

·‥...━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━...‥·

Shaky legs lead Bucky to his knees.

Addison was sobbing in front of him and all he wanted to do was comfort her, to cradle her in his arms and promise to be better, to learn from his mistakes, to be the person she deserved. The bottle of tequila sat on the edge of the bar top that Addison was sitting below, her sobs shaking the counter and sending the glass to the floor, shattering and making her wail out in fear. "Baby," Bucky whispered, a shaky hand reaching forward to push the glass off the legs of the blanket, "please be careful, let me go get something to clean it up."

Her blood shot eyes finally lifted up to meet his, Bucky's heart clenching so hard he actually had to grip his chest. He broke her, he broke her trust, he love, he ruined the only precious thing he had in his life. Addison's shoulders were shaking as she pulled the tequila soaked blanket tighter around her, glass and alcohol circling her like a shark trying to tire its pry. "You took," a tremble and a deep breath was pulled into her lungs, "you took everything from me, you took me from my home, from my friends, from my safety," another sob left her lips, Bucky scooting closer to pull her into his lap, and instead of running away she sunk into his embrace, despite how he destroyed her, she needed something to hold her up, to keep her afloat in the chaos, "why? Why would you do this to me?"

"Because I'm a dumbass and I'm fucking selfish," Bucky breathed out, placing his chin on the top of her head while she closed her eyes, fingers digging into the black t-shirt he was wearing, "and the worst part is I'd do it all over again, I'd take you from everything all over again because I'm so fucking selfish, and I need you so god damn much it physically pains me, it pains me that I'm unable to drop the drugs and alcohol, my old ways, it fucking pains me to see that I'm the one who destroys you."

A deep breath left his lips, "but I can't let you go, you can try, you can run and move and stay away from me but I'll always fucking find you, I'll always drag you back into the depths of hell with me because I need you, I need you like I need air. I fucked up, and the worst part is that I don't even remember what I did, I don't remember sleeping with anyone else but I woke up in a bed that wasn't mine, with a woman that wasn't you, and I wanted to throw up," Bucky whispered, pressing his lips to the top of her head, her trembling body shaking his chest, "I know you don't believe me, fuck I wouldn't either after this, but I love you so fucking much baby doll, I don't know how else to show you, I don't know how to fix it."

Addison's sniffles were her only response as her fingers drew over the intricate tattoos on Buckys arm, eyes closing when silent tears rolled down her cheeks. "I want to believe you," her heart clenched, a stuttered breath leaving her lips, "I so badly want to believe you, I want you to love me, I want to be here, but you lied. And I can't understand why I'm not enough."

I can't understand why I'm not enough.

Those words were on repeating in Bucky's head as he stared down at his girlfriend in his arms. "You are more than enough, fuck, so much more than enough," Bucky whispered, squeezing her tighter to his chest, both their erratic hearts beating as one, "I'm not enough for you, I fuck up everything good, and I probably won't stop, and while I'm not asking for an answer right this moment, I want you to stay, at least in the house until you make your decision, we can float around each other, I'll take the guest room, just please don't leave yet, give me time to figure out how to make it work, how to fix it. I'm not ready for you to walk away yet. And in the end, if you decide it's not worth it, I'll set you up in a place back home, get you comfortable and never see you again."

Addison closed her eyes once more, imagining home back in Cincinnati in a world without Bucky Barnes or the Howling Commandos. And she felt empty, she would go back to being the girl with friends who only wanted her for the benefits, a mother that was in and out of jail, and a father who pretended she didn't exist. Except this time she wouldn't be able to hide in the shadows of her broken world, she would be recognizable, her life would never be the same.