Picture Perfect | k.th

Chapter 20

I watched him from afar for a little bit. It seemed like this mini-adventure was much needed for him. He was in deep contemplation, and I didn't want to disturb him. Considering he asked me to come back to this place, I can only imagine how badly he just needed to get away.

He turned to face me with that same handsome look that I'd fallen so hard for. Though his eyes looked drained and tired, behind that dark cloud was a glimmer of sunlight—full of curiosity and wonder that I'd seen when we first met. Curiosity and wonder that was looking at me. Before it was the world, and now it was me.

He motioned me over, patting the space beside him.

The last time we were here, he was absolutely mortified of the height. Thought the water below would kill him, and couldn't bear to look. Now here he was, legs dangling off the edge with a frighteningly complex look in his eyes.

I came beside him, taking note of how magnetically my body pressed into him for warmth and comfort.

He tentatively put his arms around me. There was so much hesitation and confusion in his grasp. I guess I was to blame for that partially. Our relationship had gotten so confusing lately. There was so much to be said, yet no words found to say it.

A breeze rushed past, making me shiver and instinctively curl up into him even more. He held me tighter, hints of uncertainty still there.

"Things have kind of become a mess lately haven't they?" He sighed.

I chuckled, "You could say that. It hasn't been short of an adventure to say the least."

Taehyung shook his head, "This isn't the adventure you wanted. I...I've been feeling something new lately. And I don't have a word for it."

I looked up at him intently, "Do you want to describe it?"

He frowned, "I don't really know. It feels uncomfortable and upsetting. Like, I look into a mirror, and for a moment, I see the faint lines of sketching and outlines framing me. And the splotches of paint that didn't blend quite well. And then for a moment, it feels like I'm an outsider looking on. I keep having bad memories of Hyungseo too. I just felt so...weak. There was nothing I could do no matter how hard I tried. And it felt like at every moment, I was so vividly aware of my differences."

I sighed, gently rubbing his chest, "I think you're feeling self-doubt. And maybe a bit of hopelessness."

"I don't like it. I don't like that I'm a painting. I don't like that my creator is some goofy, evil villain. I don't like the idea that no matter how hard I try, I can't hide who I am. I don't like that I feel unworthy..." he trailed off, his gaze landing painfully onto me. "I'm scared of you getting hurt. I've already messed up your life plenty. You were normal, you had a wonderful life ahead of you. And then one day, you had some childish painting come into your life and turn it on its head. You've done so much for me."

"And I'd do it again. You know that there are very few things I regret in my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason. And you most certainly are one of those things. By some stroke of fate, you came to life. Did it absolutely freak the hell out of me? Of course. But it was new and fantastical and you...god, you're wonderful. You're everything and more. My life is better than it ever could've been now that you're in it. I was a mess. I probably still am. But at least I can acknowledge that. Before, I was behind a veil of bravado. I've never felt so comfortable in my own skin, and that says a lot, because I'm insanely confident about myself." I clasped my hands around his, holding them so tightly and pressing my forehead against his. How could I get it into his head just how deeply I felt about him? How worthy he was of this life?

He couldn't directly meet my eyes. There was something else he wasn't telling me.

The crisp night air had a biting sting to it tonight. It only seemed to amplify the silence between us even more.

"You told me to lay all my love on you once. Love. Is that what this constricting feeling is? I want to be selfish and be around you constantly. I want to hold you every second I can. And then I feel this intense pain, because I know you deserve someone so much more than me. Someone real," he was getting erratic and irrational with his words.

I cupped his face, pulling him back every time he tried to pull away.

"Tae, look at me. Look at me. Taehyung, look at me." I held his gaze firmly, refusing to let him turn away.

My throat went dry at the prospect of convincing him. There was so much I had to say and I just couldn't find the words to say it. I felt weak for being unable to reassure him of his worries. For being unable to console him. But I was never good at dealing with feelings. I try. I really do. But people suffer way beyond the surface of an ocean. And I only know how to swim so deep.

"Sohee..."

It was inevitable really. Two stars on a collision course couldn't have their trajectory changed. Stellar collision was a natural occurrence, so wrong and destructive, yet so right and beautiful in its own way. The more we pulled a part, the more the magnetic force held us together. Not even us, as invincible as we thought we were, could change the path of nature. A control that was complete out of our ability to influence.

But god how right it felt to be powerless.

I was grounded in the feeling for the first time. Keenly aware of where his hands were placed, how his breath sounded, and how our heartbeats conjoined. The cold air seemed much less cold the more we entangled ourselves.

For a moment, the whole world seemed to fall away. All our worries and strifes gone like a leaf in the breeze. We were here, and it seemed like nothing else mattered.

I loved this man. There was no two ways about it. We danced around the idea long enough. It was time to stop hiding from the truth.

We pulled away breathlessly for a single moment, clarity rushing back into our clouded minds.

"Taehyung...if the world around us began to crumble; if it began to fall apart unbearably, or merely stole the nuances of the everyday...would you still hold me like this? Would you look at me with that same heart-fluttering look each time?" I asked, resting my head against his.

I bit back a gasp as he trailed fluttering pecks down my neck and collarbone.

"Are you willing, really and truly, to love me, for all I am? All I was? And all I will be? If I were to stay by your side, would you let me?" He replied, still feathering fiery flames against my neck.

Two people, so damn unsure of themselves. So willing yet so reserved. Unable to answer the questions, and only let more fester as they fight their desire.

Would one word suffice?

"Yes," we said, in harmonious unison.