My Lover Boy

I Dont Smoke

𝕀 𝔻𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕊𝕞𝕠𝕜𝕖-𝕄𝕚𝕥𝕤𝕜𝕚

Tuesday, November 25, 1977. The time was around 12:36 or during lunch period. The air was crisp and cold as the wind whistled as if blew by. Robin and Finn were in their usual lunch spot; under the trees in the school yard. They sat in the grass as the brown leaves dropped to the ground. They liked this spot because no one would care to sit outside in the cold fall months. It also helped that they were behind the main building.

Finn sat beside Robin, his head rested on his shoulder. The other boy's long hair danced in the wind behind their heads.

"Did you see what they said about formal?" Finn asked the boy. "No? What about it" he replied. Everyone around December, their school had a big winter formal. Finn liked going to the school dances, he would usually drag Robin with him and they would sit in the back of the gym and watched as everyone else danced. Robin didn't really care for them, he just went so Finn would be happy.

"I was hoping that we could go together..." he said his eyes trailed up to met robins gaze.

"Don't we always go together?" Robin asked. He was playing dumb, he knew exactly what Finn meant.

"I mean yeah, but..." he paused "but I thought that we could go in matching suits and get flowers for each other or do other thing like that. We could maybe dance together too" he answered. He was waiting for robins face to say the answer, but it was blank.

"You want everyone to know that your gay?" Robins reaction was not what Finn was excepting.

"No, I just thought we could go as friends" he explained, but it was no use.

"Look, if you want to go to formal together we can, but we can't be doing couple shit." The boy said. Finn knew he was right, but no matter how much he knew they could get in trouble for doing what they do Finn still wanted to feel normal.

"Are you ashamed of being with me" he didn't mean it. He wasn't thinking and just spat it out. Once he saw robins face drop he instantly regretted his words.

"I'm not. But you think that the guys who make fun of you wouldn't care if you turned out to really be a fag" he responds. He didn't think about what he said or how much it would hurt Finn. No matter how many times people have called him a fag nothing could have hurt more then hearing the one person who loved him say it.

"So that's all I am to you huh? Just a faggot you like to make out with? Cause believe me, the biggest queer here is you!" He instantly shouted. He had stood up away from the other boy. His words weighed more as he stood towering over the other.

"Me?! You're the one that wants to go to a dance and do fag-y shit!" He yelled in response. He had stood up.

"Just forget I even asked you! I wanted to do something nice and you do this!" He shoved Robin away. His words stabbing him in the heart as Finn walked away just as the bell rang. Robin stayed behind to skip his next class. The one he had with Finn. They would usually walk together and sit next to one another, but obviously not today. Instead, he decide to go to the bathroom for a cigarette. It always calmed him down.

———

The final bell rang and the halls were filled with students shuffling out of the doors to freedom, Finn was no exception. If it was a normal day, he would meet Robin near the library and walk to one of there houses, but today was an exception. He felt alone, and not just because he was, but alone emotionally. He had always had Robin to lean on.

The two of them had never fought, even when they were just friends, so to think that them being together changed that hurt. It hurt more to know that if he kept his idea to himself Finn wouldn't be alone.

As he walked along the leafless tree lined street he saw as the sun poked through the branches. It was a particularly cloudy day. The sky was gray and gloomy, much like Finn. He walked passed the house of the boy he loved. He remembers how he would walk up those steps with Robin and go straight to his room where they would be locked away for hours. He walks away with his head down.

Finn walks passed an old man on his porch. What really stood out to him was the cigarette he had pressed between his creaked lips. The smell radiating from the rolled tobacco infected Finn's nose and instantly reminded him of Robin. The boy had always had the scent of smoke lingering around him. Not anything bad or powerful, but enough so that if he was pressed against Robin he could tell. The smell was somewhat soothing to Finn. It was such a common smell that reminded him of one thing.

———

Alone in his room, Finn layer on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He craved robins presence. Was wanted to be lush with Robin. He wanted his hands on his. He wanted to taste him on his lips. He wanted to smell his scent. An idea appeared in his head. He had gotten up and crept to his fathers bed room to look for his pack of Marlboros. He took one and left back to his room.

He cracked open the window in his room and poked his head out. He brought the cigarette up to his lips and lit it. He had smoked before with Robin of course. He coughed a ton but soon got used to it. As he took a drag off the cigarette he soaked in the smell of the burning tobacco. It was what he craved. He only wished the smell came from Robin and the taste from his lips.