The Life of Emery Paige

Talking

Carlisle said, "Can I talk to you?" I nodded and said, "Bella I need you to go get the diaper bag because you said it was a walk, not social hour." Alice said, "I'll do it." I said "It's in her nursery." then I put Hadyn in a bassinet and followed Carlisle upstairs, he was leaning against the front of his desk when I entered his study. I sat in the chair and he said "Are you ok? You seem to have so much anger in you." I said "Of course, I'm angry Carlisle, the last six months have been absolute hell. I've been on my own with a sister who acted like the world suddenly stopped, and now I'm a mother and I don't even think I'm cut out for this whole mother thing. I mean Hadyn was the easiest baby ever, and suddenly she cries a lot lately. He destroyed her, told her she was nothing, and now suddenly she is all about Edward again. You guys left and she checked out, and when she started doing things again she latched onto Jacob Black. So I've essentially been on my own for six months and I was alone for the hardest thing I've ever done because my own sister was too busy staring out the window. So yes I'm angry, and I feel all alone in the world which as a twin is something I've never felt. So I'm Angry and I'm scared and frustrated at my baby who cries all the time, then I'm irritated with myself because it's not her fault, crying is how she communicates. And then I just feel like shit because she is so little and needs me and all I can do is cry with her instead of helping her."

I laid my head in my hands and continued "Part of me just wishes I never went to Port Angeles that day but then I look at my beautiful little baby and can't regret keeping her because she is perfect and mine. It's a never-ending cycle of anger, scared, frustration, and crying, it makes me feel like a terrible mother, and I'm alone and I don't know how to do this, let alone do this alone. And of course, you left and I realize I told you too but I didn't actually want you to." He said, "Why didn't you tell me to stay then?" I said "I'd never ask you to choose between me and your family Carlisle. Your family comes first." He said "No, you come first to me. You always will." I said "But what happens when the next problem arises? This family isn't exactly known for good luck." he grabbed my hips and pulled me to his chest "I am never leaving again, not without you, or that baby." I said "I was kinda scared when you left." he said, "Of what?" I said: "That after I had her you wouldn't want to be around her, I mean I could tell you weren't exactly happy I refused the morning-after pill."  He said "It wasn't that you refused it, it was more about I could tell that even though you refused it you really didn't like the thought of being pregnant. And personally, I didn't like the thought of you getting pregnant especially since you didn't consent to any of it."

I said "I get that, but I have a feeling you still wouldn't have liked the thought of a baby if it was consensual." he said, "I don't like the thought of anyone other than me having you in that way." I glanced at the door making him chuckle "My office is soundproof, say what you want." I said "I just don't want Bella to overhear, if she finds out we had sex, I'm never gonna hear the end of it." he chuckled "And why is that?" I said "Well... I may have let her believe that I was a virgin until the Port Angeles incident." he said "Why not just tell her the truth?" said "You were an only child, weren't you?" he said, "Yes, but what does that have to do with telling your sister the truth?" I said "Well..." I started losing my train of thought as he ran a finger down my chest and stomach and said "I've missed you." I closed my eyes trying to remember what I was going to say but he continued "I miss biting, kissing, and sucking every inch of skin you have, and the noises I can make come out of you." he then ran his hand up my thigh as he brought my leg up, and kissed the spot that connects my neck and shoulder making me shudder. 

There was a knock on the door and Alice's voice floated through "Uh, I don't mean to interrupt but Hadyn is crying and you said not to touch her." I managed to say "Stop." he immediately stopped what he was doing and I said, "Alice said she is crying, which means I have to go down there." He said, "Later then." I heard Hadyn screaming as we went downstairs, the minute she saw me she stopped crying and started smiling I said: "Hey baby girl, mommy's here." I took her from Rosalie, "Uh where's Bella?" Alice said, "Edward took her home." I rolled my eyes "Great, I should probably go too." Esme said, "I was hoping you'd stay." I said, "I can't, I have to get her to bed. But I'll see you guys tomorrow." Esme said, "We have enough room." I said, "Esme, I don't have any of our stuff here." Alice said, "I'll go get it." I was losing here Esme said, "I think Carlisle wants you to stay too." I said, "I really don't think he cares." Esme hugged me "Please! I've missed you." I said "Really? That's kinda hard to believe since you voted to leave me." she is my best friend and that was kinda mean so I sighed "Esme, I'm sorry, that wasn't fair. I'm exhausted and stressed but I shouldn't take it out on you." she said, "It's ok, what's got you stressed out?" I said, "We can talk while I put her to bed." Alice squealed and ran out of the house making Jasper chuckle. I said "Chuckle all you want but go make sure she doesn't move the entire house." with that he was gone. 

Esme, Carlisle, and I went up to Carlisle's room, I got Hadyn's diaper changed then sat against the headboard to breastfeed her. Esme said, "Ok spill." I sighed and said "I'm just stressed and there is really nothing you can do to help." she said, "What is stressing you out?" I said "Everything, Hadyn just barely got up to the 40th percentile with weight, figuring out how to be a mom is complicated, the school put me on this online learning program once I had her because I don't have anyone to watch her and I am not doing too good on that because none of the information makes any sense. I didn't even do any schoolwork today because Hadyn has had a fever for the last day and a half which I can't seem to break. Baby Tylenol is doing nothing and her pediatrician can't get her in until next week. Charlie is always at work, and Bella was basically a zombie until the last few weeks. Victoria has been coming after Bella and I, luckily the pack is keeping her at bay for now. Sue and Harry were helping me with Hadyn but Victoria gave Harry a heart attack a few days ago and he passed away. Harry was only in the situation because Bella went hiking and Laurent tried to kill her so the pack killed him, but she told Charlie wolves were running through the woods so he is hunting them." 

Esme said, "That's a lot." Carlisle said, "Why didn't you tell me Victoria was back or that Hadyn was sick?" I said, "I didn't tell you about Victoria because you'd come running back and I just wanted you to be where you were happier, and I didn't tell you Hadyn was sick because there was nothing you could do since you weren't here." he said "Again, you and Hadyn come before anyone else. Esme said "I'll leave you two alone." and she probably went to see Jason, I laid Hadyn on the bed since she was asleep and took off the baby wrap, and my tank top leaving me in a sports bra. He said, "So how high is her fever?" I said "Uh, last time I checked it was 101, she has a runny nose, a cough, and she is just so cranky." he said, "Does she do that a lot?" I looked over and saw her pulling on her ear I said "Yeah, at least she has for the last couple of days." he lifted her shirt and just kinda watched her for a moment, I sat next to him and said, "What are you looking at?" 

He said "Her breathing, she is breathing just fine, but at this age, if they have trouble breathing their rips pull in. It's the easiest way to tell since they can't say anything." I nodded he said, "I'll be right back." I laid down and then laid her on me as I rubbed her back, he came back shortly after with a rag and some doctor thing. He put the doctor thing in her ear and looked through it, then pulled it back and laid the rag over her ear. He said, "She is fine, she has a slight cold and an ear infection, this warm compress will help her with the discomfort." he laid next to me and said, "Sleep, I'll keep an eye on her." I nodded and laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around my sleeping baby and fell asleep.