The Chronicles Of SallyFace

a sinners mark

A/n: heyyy y'all, I'm just here to make y'all depressed again, so here it is loves.🤷🏽
Tw: underlined ED,
SH
Depression
Suicidal thoughts
Numbness
Arguing
Altercations
Discovery of S.H
Yelling
Panic attacks.

Usually I would leave a chapter at warnings, but this one is quite heavy and for the sake of this chapter I explicitly will state, SH is the main part. I need to get that out there, this chapter involves not comfort and may trigger some people.. please do not take this and use these methods , If you're struggling with SH please use the helplines below this chapter or confide in someone you know. I know what you're going through and I promise you there is a way out. 💗

|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•

This was it. I was sure of it.
I was finally ready to let go.
It won't be that bad, I'll get to see mom again. Maybe. I don't really know how the whole "afterlife" thing works.
I don't care I just want out.

"Sal?" My train of thought is ruined as I look up at my Dad, he has a worried expression on his face and he's stopped eating. I was in a complete other dimension, I hadn't even realized that we were having dinner. It's like I've been on autopilot these past 4 days. Well..4 days 3 hours and 54 minutes since Y/n broke up with me. I think I'm still in shock, like I'm aware but I don't know.
I still catch myself about to call them or craving their touch at night.

Then I remember I don't own that touch anymore , it's not available to me. It's been 38 minutes and a couple seconds since my last breakdown, and that was right before Dinner. And later tonight, I assume I'll cry again just like the past 4 days 3 hours and 54 minutes. I'm sorry, 55 minutes now.
"May I be excused?" I whisper, my voice foreign and weak.

Dad looks at me with sad eyes as he rubs his face, the tiredness and stress apparent. "Yeah..go." He mumbles. As I sit up and leave I hear his whisper , his voice cracking , "Where did I go wrong , Diane?" I'll admit part of me wants to rush back and hug him and tell him , it's not his fault. But it partially is.

Don't worry dad, I won't be around much longer anyways.

I go to my room, trying to ignore my door. The door that was once decorated heavily, now has some blank areas. Photos of Y/n and Us together... with our initials. I tore them all down when I got home, in a blurred fury. I remember, Dad watching me as I crumbled to the floor in a mess. I instantly regretted it, all those memories are gone if I forget. He'd be a fool to not catch on by now, what happened between us.
It's painfully obvious, I've just had my heart ripped out of my chest and violently hurled to the floor, with no regard to my feelings. I've been avoiding Larry and everyone else, and when they show up at my door ...I pretend I'm not home or asleep.

I slump into my bed, after hurling myself across the depressive mess I've made, and tried to avoid the way my eye burns. Suddenly I feel a soft lick, with a slight rough texture. A soft meow follows. I lift my face to it's side and look at the chubby tabby cat that's staring at me. Gizmo. He tilts his face and I swear his eyes look sorrowful and hurt too. "You're not gonna leave me right Giz?" I croak. As if he understands he presses one paw to my scarred face and rests it there, his eyes unblinking. "Giz...." I whisper the tears I'd been trying to hold , spilling.

|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•

I

t's currently day...6, 13 hrs and 18 minutes since Y/n has broken up with me. I don't know if it's normal to count since your breakup but I don't care. I've tried everything, art (I'm not good at it though so it makes me more frustrated than anything.) I've tried baking, which is also stupid considering the fact I feel guilty after every damn meal and starve myself. I've even tried my guitar and playing angst songs by bands like cigarettes after sex and Deftones , news flash. It DIDN'T work. Here's the good news though, it's been about...12 hours since my last breakdown.