The Chronicles Of SallyFace

Solitaire

Content Warning ⚠️
Depression
Discussion of Sewerslide
The words, " Do you want to KYS." ARE LITERALLY SAID, like in the audio above.
Mention of relapsing

|•|•|•Sals pov•|•|•|
"Y/n."

"Sal."

I don't know how I should react at this moment, I felt a million different emotions. I wanted to curse and scream at them till they hung up. I wanted to sob hysterically and tell them to buzz off.

What I really wanted to tell them was that I still wanted them.

But that would make me seem desperate and eager which, I am most certainly not. Mostly not. Ok, hopefully not.

"Why the hell are you calling me?" Is what I settled for, but the words came off awkwardly with how happy it came out. They must've noticed because they laughed softly. "Good question...why is your ex calling you?" They hummed. My chest throbbed at the words, "ex". I should've screamed at them.
"Never mind that, remember what I told you last time I saw you?" I catch myself violently clutching the phone, trying not to hang up. "How could I forget? You were spewing incredulous shit." I whisper the last part , the "s" coming out as a hiss. I can here Y/n audibly groan on the phone, and I can imagine their teeth pulling at their bottom lip, like they so often did when they were irritated.

"Did you tell Larr-"
"No. No I didn't. I'm not getting Larry involved with your delusional BS." I wait for their response, the tension thick in the air. I know their angry, I know I'm angry.
"It doesn't matter, I'll just tell him myself."
"Good your probably should." I have no words for them at this moment, what else is there to say? We sit in silence , I'm not used to this with them. Talking to them has always been so easy, even when we stopped talking the silence was comfortable.
"I'm not going to bother you for long , I was just curious."
"Ok."
I know neither of us want to hang up on the other.
But must because I don't want to hang up on them, doesn't mean I'm not still pissed at them.

...
.....
........

"So..how are you?"

"Are you fucking serious, right now?" I whisper, ignoring how my voice cracks. Y/n goes quiet on the line.
"How do you think I am? How should I be, after getting arrested with someone. Getting interrogated with someone. Running away FOR someone. Then getting dumped by that someone. All in a span of two days." I shouldn't be blowing up at them, but I need too. I need to get this out. Right now. The words are clutching to my throat, like birds on a wire, and I need to be the wind to throw them off.
"Sal..I did what I thought I needed to do."
"Yeah, what you thought you needed to do. When you're in trouble Y/n, you don't push away the person who's been there for you the entire time. You don't leave him, to be questioning your entire relationship. You were ALWAYS there for me, but you never let me return the favor. I was finally getting where I wanted to be, and I thought we had something. And then shit does down, and what was your idea? Oh right, to tell me to leave the damn police station! So you know, it's great you did what you felt like to should've. God, Why are you like this-..."

I pause.

I stop my rant, because I can hear the soft sound of sniffling on the other side of the line. I pause because I was just told those exact words.
"No..no. Of course you don't know why you're like this...I don't either. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. You can't help yourself. It's who you are, and that's ok, because you KNOW you can improve. You just need to be able to help yourself.." I don't know who I'm talking to at this moment. Them or me.

"I sound just like him."
"W-what?"
"It doesn't matter." I go quiet again, trailing off on my sentence. "I'm sorry , Im sorry .. I'm sorry I can't find any other words than this pathetic apology." They sniffle. I wish I could cry with them, but I can't. I spent all of my time, all these days and minutes crying over them. That at this rate, I think I've finally lost count. "You're right it's a really pathetic apology."

"Infact, I don't know if I can accept it."
"...good. I always told you not to accept shit and know your worth." They joke, but I could hear the hurt buried down. I let out a light chuckle wondering where the hell this conversation is going.
We sat in silence neither of us, being able to hang up on the other.

".. I mean..well besides all that..are you.. staying safe ?"

.....
........
.....
...

"I relapsed."

The words come out in a tumble and I don't know why I'm telling them this.
We go silent again.
"I relapsed and my Dad found out. He took my.. tools..and told me.."I'd end up dead at eighteen." I say all this in the most apathetic, monotone voice. I genuinely don't know why I'm even sharing, I don't necessarily owe them an informant on my life.

"God." They breathe in disbelief, "that's heavy." I nod stupidly, it's not like they can see me.
"You weren't trying to.." They start the words awkwardly.

"I wasn't trying to what?"

"Sal..you weren't trying to do that again are you? I mean...do you still.?" They stumble again.

I don't say anything.

"Do you want to kill yourself?"

I freeze, And The question sounded unreal.
Because you never hear people asking that question in real life.

I wanted to be able to answer with a "Not really." Or a , "no its ok. I'm ok. I'm perfect. Why should I want to die?" How the hell do you tell someone the answer is yes? How do I do that?

"I don't know."

And then I hung up, I didn't want to continue this conversation with them of all people. I forced myself to physically push down the phone and I force myself to not puke. Why did they have to call, why did they have to call and make everything worse?
I would've been fine without them.
I didn't need to hear about them and their weird cult theory, or whatever the hell they're on.
I hated that.
I hated it mostly because we fell back into old routines , we fell back into a conversation.

I allow myself to fall to the floor and curl into myself.

And there I laid mumbling under my breathe small wishes to whoever was listening. I don't like this, I wanna go back to them.
I don't want it to end like this.
I want it to go back to how it used to be.
How it was.

How we were.

|••|•|•|•|•

Fin.

Sorry that this chapter was uber depressing! I promise that the next one, will be different. And the next , next one is gonna be..well.. um very different.. if you catch my drift. ;)