Our Literature Bond

Chapter VII Be honest

Natsuki, 12:31 PM, May 19th, 2017

Friday

- This really sucks...
- The what? Oh, yeah, we have Japanese later.
- No, not that! I was planning on bringing some cupcakes to the club, but I didn't have enough ingredients to make them pretty!
- Didn't you tell me you were going to make them simple?
- I know, and I regret it!
Kioko looks at me with that face again: I know that inside her, she's laughing her ass off. But she's the only person I can excuse for doing that, since she's my best friend. On the condition that I can mock her as much as she mocks me.
- You're such a dramatic girl, you know that? If you say something you stick to it, it's that simple.
- Don't say that while munching your disgusting vegetables, you look like a rich brat -Finally I resign and start eating before it gets too late- Ugh, it's already cold....
- No wonder you're so petite, if you only eat corpses.
- Hey, you eat meat too! Quit it!
In the end, she shows her true colors and laughs with all she has. I swear to whatever is up there that I'm gonna smack her dumb head again.
Today I decided two things: first, I'm gonna show the girls how good I am when creating poetry, and secondly I'm gonna talk to that dumbass before I think about it way too much. Besides, I don't wanna have more troubles than I already have, that would definitely ruin my head. I've been slacking off about it the whole morning, but I still have some time. I should find Sayori before lunchtime ends.
- By the way, besides you being silly, you've been acting pretty strange today. I mean, now you look fine, but before you wouldn't say a word. Is something the matter?
- Why would it be? I just felt like the whole class was being more noisy than usual -I try to dismiss the topic right away with that, hoping that she would as well.
- Yeah sure, and I'm ugly... Fine, let's just pretend nothing happens.
- Thanks, Kioko. Ah, yeah, I have to find Sayori later -Thinking about that, I rush a little bit with my lunch.
- Oh, her? Are you already replacing me with another best friend? It can't be!
- Uh-huh, keep eating your vegetables, ex-best friend -I make a malicious smile after that, spicing up the joke. We both laugh after that.
We keep talking for a bit and, when I'm done eating, we say our goodbyes and I call Sayori. I mean, that's faster than just looking for her anyway. It isn't that long before she answers me.
- Hi, Nats! What's up?
- Where are you? I need to ask you something.
- Uh, I'm eating in my classroom with some friends.
- Don't talk with your mouth full, gross!
The only thing I hear is her laugh before I hang up. I don't lose any more time and start walking, while thinking to myself about some things. And then I realize... That I don't wanna apologize to him. I mean, yeah sure, I treated him bad, but when I tried to be slightly nicer he just goes and practically tells me to fuck off! Talk about having a bad timing! You know what, maybe I shouldn't do this. It's stupid, he's probably gonna go and say something like "You know, you're annoying and manga isn't for girls" or some crap! Jeez, I'm beginning to lose my patience and I haven't even seen him, I can feel my hands itchy from squeezing them so hard for a while. What is wrong with-..?
- Natsuki, you're okay?
- W-What?!
I get chills upon being pulled out of my thoughts by some familiar voice. I turn back with my heart in my throat, only to have it back down when Monika appears in front of me.
- Calm down, I'm not some kind of bloodthirsty demon or something -Her serious tone is replaced by a little giggle.
- Well, I was focused on something, so you scared me!
- Okay okay. So, is something troubling you?
- Nothing really... I just had a little argument with someone yesterday and I've been thinking about it.
- Huh, I see... -She replies quietly, looking the other way and putting her hand on her cheek- Do you want to talk about it?
- Not really... Surely you have way more important stuff to do.
- If you refer to me being part of the student council, then I can assure you it's not as important as you make it sound -She keeps walking past me, still talking to me- Besides, what could be more important than helping a friend?
A friend, she says... To be honest, I could only see myself being friends with Sayori, but not Muraoka or Monika. It's not that I dislike them, I just don't know how to approach them. Well, I kinda dislike Muraoka a little, but I'm fine with Monika. That's about it. So for her to call me her friend takes me off guard. Now I'd feel bad if I said no... Ugh, whatever.
I find myself following her from behind, head down. I don't know why, but I feel like she's forcing me to play along, and being her I find it difficult not to do it. Whatever the case, at least now I have someone to yell at without feeling guilty or something.
- Here will do nicely. No unwanted guests who can possibly eavesdrop on us. So, Natsuki, I'm all ears.
- Ha, I was not counting on running into you... Well, you've caught me without proper words to describe the situation -I laugh with a little of awkwardness, holding my arm. I am truly speechless in my head- I don't even understand why would you make time for this.
- Why wouldn't I? Stop asking silly questions and just tell me, heh.
- Fine... If that gets you to stop bothering me.
She smiles warmly, waiting patiently for me to speak. I gotta say, something about Monika reminds me of a parent behavior, and that really pisses me off, but, at the same time, I find it kinda comforting. There's really something weird about her.
- Yesterday I was talking with this boy, and... I was really trying to be nice to him. We were having a really nice casual chat, until all of a sudden he says something really mean and stupid. So after that, I left, but I just can't get this out of my head, I feel it chasing me. Which is completely dumb because he's an asshole and I'm here worrying about what happened, like, it makes zero sense. It's just... Ugh!
I take a deep breath. I didn't notice at the moment, but I was dragging the words to the point where I wasn't breathing. I can't believe something like this makes me this anxious. I try to focus on my breath before I end up saying something I'll regret to her. It's embarrassing enough to talk about this stuff. I notice after a while that we're in complete silence between us, and so I raise my head, only to find her eyes staring at me.
- What's the matter..?
- Nothing, I just find it strange. You? Talking to a boy? That's a first.
- Well, there's more context behind that but it's not relevant to this, so I'm not telling ya -I cross my arms after stating that. I don't know why, but I feel like doing that gives my words more credibility.
- Okay, sure. So, let me ask you this, and please don't get mad for what I'm about to say... -She suddenly takes on a rather serious tone, drawing my attention finally- Have you said or done something that could be considered mean to him before?
- What do you mean? What does that have to do with any of this?
- It actually does, because this is not the first time something like this happens. I've seen it multiple times when you interact with other girls, and... I don't really know if you ignore it or just don't notice it, but you can be quite offensive when having a conversation with people.
- There goes another one with that. It's called being straightforward!
- Being straightforward is completely different to treating people like they were trash, Natsuki.
After hearing that, I get chills going down my spine. I don't think I've ever seen Monika this serious, and if I didn't know her a little bit, I would think she's real mad with me. I suppose it's because of the way she said it, but something about what she tells me hurts me. I grab my chest, feeling a familiar pain gathering inside it. It would be better if I could ignore it as always, but this time I'm finding it quite difficult.
- I suppose my words resonated with you. I don't know what that guy told you for you to get mad, but from what I can see, he too had a reason to be mad at you -She then looks at her phone for a moment, and moments later the bell can be heard- Oh dear, it seems lunchtime is already over. We can talk about this another time, but... I'd still like you to think about what I said. See you at three.
And with that, she leaves me standing in the middle of an empty hallway, which gets full of students seconds later. I take out my phone to message Sayori quickly to apologize for not showing up, and then I head to my classroom