Our Literature Bond

Chapter XI I'm really tough, you know?!

Natsuki, 11:13 PM, May 22nd, 2017

Monday

No one's coming to our club. So what? That doesn't mean anything, we can still make it another way. And even if we don't, that's still fine to me, since I'd most likely prefer the club to be chill as it is now. But that won't work for the rest, so maybe I should go a little out of my way to help them as the fourth member I am. Specially to help Monika, since she gets emotionally underwhelmed very easily whenever something like this happens. If anything, we can't let our leader get discouraged with something this dumb, that would get rid of the title of president itself like it meant nothing. Because of that, I'm very angry, and so I'm gonna show this school how cool of a club we are.
Problem is, I already struggle on getting people to take me seriously, so being all by myself out here was probably not the best idea. Oh, crap, now I've done it... But that doesn't mean a thing, I'm already here. I'll get even louder if people act like they always do.
Well, it seems my thoughts are taking complete control of me, because I don't notice what's in front of me in time, crashing head on with the person that was walking on the opposite direction to me. I intend to apologize and keep going, but a familiar face steals the words from my mouth.
— Oh, it's just you, Kioko...
— What's with that "Oh, it's just you, Kioko"?! It hurts!
— Well yeah, I'm sorry and all, but right now I'm in the middle of something.
— Wait a minute... Weren't you supposed to be helping with an activity your club is holding?
— Yeah, that's exactly why I'm here. People seem to have no interest whatsoever on what we're doing, so I decided to go out myself and tell 'em a couple things.
— Yeah, I doubt they will listen to you if you go all out like usual-
— Then what am I supposed to do?! Just stay there and watch while the other clubs are hoarding everyone?!
Okay, I did draw some attention to myself, but not precisely the way I intended to. I can feel the heat gathering in my cheeks, but now is not the time to think on my personal image. There's not much there to ruin anyway.
— That being said, although I will try my best, a part of me is telling me about how absurd all of this is...
— I'm glad I didn't have to nag you about it this time...
— Even if you did I would've just yelled at you! You're so annoying! —I make a deep sigh to let some of the stupid stress go away so I can focus again— What I meant was that I don't really expect things to go way better with just me bothering everyone like this, but at the same time, I'm kinda desperate.
— I get it, Nats. I really do, but I think the best you can do right now is to relax and let yourself think straight —She grabs me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at her in the eyes; she knows that steals my attention everytime— You'll be fine, I know it! Besides, Monika is your president, that alone is a very big plus!
— You'd be surprised to see how awkward she can be sometimes, ha ha... —I whisper that mostly to myself, ignoring the "What?" she surely muttered— In any case, I think we're getting nowhere with this. What exactly do you expect me to do, huh?
— I mean, you could yell to your heart's content about it... If you were another person, but if it's you, then that's a no-no —I still find it amazing how Kioko is able to make me wanna punch her in the face this easily— Oh, I know! You could do the absolute opposite! Just pick people you think seem nice and talk to them, surely there must be some of them that might consider it.
— Well, I guess it's better to hand the pamphlets directly than to simply hanging them on a random wall... I guess it's worth a try.
— Nice! Want me to come with you?
— Don't you have something to do at your club?
— Meh, I'll probably quit soon anyway, it's getting boring. Come on, let's go!
— Huh... Then I guess there's no issue with me dragging you to the Literature Club. You've dug your own grave, ex-best friend.
That being said, I grab her by the wrist and make her come with me, on my way to begin my not-so-solitary-anymore journey towards making our club visible. Only now I realize that it's been a while since I've talked to a stranger without starting an argument, and I think I know the reason behind it fairly well. That doesn't mean I haven't tried to make it different, but humans are beings of habits, and unfortunately I'm one of those. But having Kioko by my side in this moment makes me feel like I can always rely on some little push behind me to help me, and I still don't really understand how I managed to keep her as a friend all this time. Everyone else left me, except for her. And now, I can't imagine myself without her friendship, and I feel bad for being so dependent on her. Nonetheless, I still need time to start relying on myself completely, so if I feel weak, I'll hold her hand for as long as she stands me.
So, with Kioko by my side, I try talking to random people I encounter about the basics of our little activity, and although I'm having a little trouble remembering some important details and, as such, my explanation is not the best, they seem to be curious about it. I've been asked a couple times more about it, which is a nice sign. I can't help but to smile a little, feeling more motivated to keep up. Kioko doesn't talk alongside me tho, which is normal considering she is a stranger to our club, but it feels weird having her just watching me do this. I suppose this is not the first time she's done this, so maybe I can let it pass. However, while walking through the hallway looking for someone free, she pushes me a little with her shoulder.
— Ow. What the hell?
— I was just thinking that this is the first time I've seen you this motivated for something you share with other people, that's all. I felt the need to rub it on your ugly gremlin face.
— Shut up, or I'm rubbing my fist on yours.
We both laugh for a moment before continuing onward, ready to pick another student to talk to. In a moment of distraction, I hand over a pamphlet to a person who was standing on the side without looking, but a sudden hand grabbing it with violence gets me out of trance. I'm ready to tell them a couple things after that gesture, but I freeze the moment I see the face of said person
— What is this, Naki?
— Nothing that concerns you —My mood immediately changes into a more defensive one, and I take the sheet back from his stupid hands.
— Rude as always, huh... Doesn't matter, I'm used to it. But you should get rid of that ugly expression you have, you're gonna ruin the mood of the festival —That stupid guy smirks to me with his usual smart ass face, and I can't help but to completely destroy the paper in my hand with a strong grip— Say, what was that? I could barely read it so, care to explain it to me?
— She has nothing to explain to you, so fuck off.
All of a sudden, Kioko steps in the middle of Junichiro and I, with a crazy anger emanating from her. Of course, everybody knows him in school, since he can't shut up and has probably messed with everyone at least once. And I've obviously told her about how he bullies me every now and then, so she's grown very aggressive against him. In fact, she has told me countless times about how I should stand for myself and fight back, but I honestly don't know how. He can clearly bury me six feet underground with a single blow, and besides he has his stupid dogs. I can't risk it... I think I should stop her.
— I'm sorry, who are you?
— Just turn back and get the hell out of my sight.
— Just leave him, Kioko, let's keep going —I try to leave with her, seizing the opportunity to get out now that he's alone.
— Huh, now that I think about it, I kinda saw something about a Literature club... Is that your club? Maybe I should take a visit with the guys.
I turn back once again to face him, but I can't get any words out. I just know that if he goes, everything is gonna get ruined and we'll lose out opportunity to grow as a club. I let Kioko go and I grab him instead by the sleeve, still unable to speak for myself. What can I even tell him? He will never give a damn about whatever I have to say. The most that I manage to give him as I struggle against my shaky breath, is a little whisper.
— Please don't...
— C'mon, it's a festival, we're just gonna check it out and have some fun! —His fake smile then disappears as he gets closer to my face, looking right through me as he whispers back— Now get off me, bitch.
I barely open my fist to do so, and he just pushes me back as he walks away while waving at us. I swear, we could've run into anyone out here, why did we had to have such bad luck?! Nothing ever goes the way I intend to, why must all of the things I wanna do go down the toilet?! I kick the ground with anger, barely containing the tears, but then I react when I feel someone tapping my shoulder with kindness. Kioko doesn't say a thing, she just hugs me from behind softly, because of course she easily understands how I feel in every moment. But thanks to that, the tears I was so focused on holding back get their freedom, and I look down so that no one can see my face. Right now, I feel so weak, and I won't let anyone else see me like this.