Troubled Indeed

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I can't believe he just told me all that. And it sounds like he's proud of his lifestyle. I'm seriously intimidated by him. I know that he's trying to change his life now, but what he's been through could easily suck him back in, because it's the only lifestyle he knows. This is comfortable for him. But it is definitely not the life I want for me or Benji.

"Should I go on or is this too much for you?" he asks me.

I can't quite understand if he's really asking me or if he is being sarcastic. I believe that whatever he says is the truth because he's not a liar by nature. But he is damn good at keeping secrets. I wonder if his telling me all this is setting him free or if he is slowly dragging me down with him. But I need to know more, so I nod, and say, "Go on".

"A couple of years later Blame's father died. This meant that Blame took over everything since he was the oldest son. We were friends at that time, and I got promoted from bouncer to management. He needed help and I wanted money. It was all good until Blame fucked it all up. He got greedy." Anthony pauses and looks around the parking lot, not really focusing on anything in particular, but reminiscing about the old times.

"In what way?" I ask, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the answer.

"He started coming up with all kinds of fucked-up ideas how to make more money. His dad was a brilliant man, he kept all his affairs in order. The strip club never had any guns or drugs in there. Everything was running smoothly. But when Blame took over, everything got messed up, and it was a fucking nightmare."

"What exactly was your purpose there when Blame was running the place?" I ask.

"Beats me. He wanted me to participate in every fucking endeavor that came to his fucked-up mind. But at some point, I got fed up, and I wasn't the only one."

"What do you mean?" I think there's something he's not telling me. But I'm glad he finally, little by little lets me see what life he has outside of our little bubble.

"The co-owner of the strip club wanted out. He had another business, a legal one, and he had fucking enough of Blame's bullshit. Blame, of course, was pissed off about it, and threatened the other guy with all kinds of empty threats. But the other guy had quite a past of his own and...well, let's just say he didn't give a rat's ass about Blame and his threats because his reputation alone scared the shit out of Blame."

"You're not going to tell me the name of the other guy?" I think that he's not telling me this on purpose.

"No," he replies immediately.

"Why not?"

"Because it's irrelevant. Now do you want to know more or are you satisfied?" he asks me. I need to be smart here, there's a big chance he'll stop revealing his past any moment now.

"More," I reply, and motion that my lips are sealed. He smirks.

"Anyway, Blame was insecure about owning the whole club on his own. At least he was smart enough to understand that he was a shitty businessman. And the other guy didn't want to sell his half to him anyway. That's when I got the offer. Since I was already in the management of the club, it was easy for me to take over. But this struck Blame's ego once again. That's when we stopped being friends. And that's what I've been telling you since the day I met you, that we were business partners, not friends."

I nod again, not sure if I'm allowed to talk. I remember that day at the restaurant. The day we first met. Anthony was so arrogant and cold around these guys. But later... wow.

I don't know if he wants to add anything else, so I just sit there quietly.

"Why are you suddenly so quiet?" he asks me, a little bit surprised.

"You made it clear I shouldn't interrupt you, so I didn't," I say earnestly.

"When did I ever say that?"

"You didn't exactly say it, but you were getting worked up and I thought that if I asked something stupid you would stop talking."

He looks at me for a moment with a serious gaze and then barks in laughter. I don't know whether to laugh with him or slap myself in the face.

"Babe, come on, you snooping around my past is something you do. I'm used to it. So, I thought if I told you as much as I can maybe you'll be satisfied for now," he replies, still laughing.

"So, I'm asking again – are you satisfied, or are there still some gaps you need to fill?" He looks at me with humor.

"I do have one question," I say quietly.

"Spill it."

"What happened here after Blame died?" I point at the strip club.

"Easy. As I told you before, I tried to get out of doing business with him and tried to sell him my half. But he was reluctant to buy it, he knew he'd lose it one way or another. He was fucking awful at running a business. But then he died, and I thought I'd give it a shot on my own. He has two brothers, and neither of them was interested in owning this place. So, I paid both of them a generous amount, and now I'm the sole owner of this place. I removed all of Blame's shit and now it's a legal business. I'm really trying to get out of everything shady – I'm doing this for you!"

"And your idea of getting out of a certain lifestyle is owning a dirty strip club?" This sounds ridiculous.

"It's not dirty. Not anymore. One day you'll understand this," he says calmly.

I can sense him closing up again, I guess we're done here. And in order for him to trust me I'll just have to let it be.

"Thank you," I say.

"For what?" He looks at me with a puzzled expression.

"For sharing," I add.

"Damn, you make it sound like some fucked-up gangster support group."

"No, babe, it's called a relationship," I reply sweetly and stroke his hair.

"Yeah, I guess. But you know I'm new at this, so give me some time, okay?" He leans over and kisses me.

"You and me both, babe," I say as I nod in agreement.