Troubled Indeed

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

I didn't want to go home right away, because I didn't know how to raise the topic with Anthony. I tried my hardest to keep an open mind and believe everything Anthony had said to me so far. But what if Simon is right? What if Anthony is truly a violent man and could beat up or even kill anyone he didn't like? I mean I only know him for several months. And even though I love him to death, he still has some secrets that he's not ready to share.

With all those "what if's" I pull up in the parking lot of my building. I take my time getting out of the car and notice that the light in the living room is on. This means only one thing – Anthony is up and waiting for me. I have to talk to him.

"Babe, are you awake?" I ask quietly as soon as I step inside the apartment.

He doesn't reply, but walks up to me from the living room, only wearing his jeans, and no t-shirt.

I notice his black tattoos have some color in them. Seems that he let Benji color in his artwork, which is adorable. This makes me smile.

"Benji has been asleep for half an hour now," he says quietly.

"I love your tattoos," I say, touching his torso with my palm.

"Yeah, we couldn't find any paper so little man asked if he could color my art," he says with a grin and strokes his palm across his chest.

"How was it, did you guys get along?" I ask him. After all, I've been away for most of the day.

Instead of saying anything, Anthony gently pulls me towards him and kisses me. His kiss is a reminder of how much I love the man. He breaks our kiss and holds me tight to his chest.

"We missed you," he says softly.

"I missed you," I reply.

As soon as I've said those words, everything that has happened in the last hour comes back to me. I need to talk to Anthony about his father as soon as possible.

"What is it?" he notices my frown.

"I met Simon," I confess.

"What do you mean you met Simon?" Anthony can't quite believe what I've just said, he lets go of me and takes a step back. "Why would you do that?"

"He said if I did, he would leave Benji alone," I admit, "And that's what I want him to do the most."

"And you believed him? Come on!" Anthony's tone is getting louder and angrier. I can't quite grasp why me meeting Simon upset him this much, but I let it go.

I take off my jacket and guide him towards the kitchen. I don't want Benji to wake up, at least not like that.

"He told me things. Some things about your past you failed to mention."

"For fuck's sake, not this again." Anthony sounds exasperated. This is one topic he only talks about when he feels like it. He gives me bits and pieces of information, but never the whole story.

"Please hear me out," I plead.

"Fine. What did the fucker say about me that you didn't already know?" He rolls his eyes at me.

"He told me some facts about your father's passing." I don't want to tell him all at once, hoping that he can tell me himself what really happened.

"I already told you everything I knew about that. I don't think there's anything else to know about his death." Anthony looks a little bit confused but puts on his game face a nanosecond later.

"Except for the fact that you were the main suspect at some point during the investigation," I profess what I know, and cross my arms on my chest. I know what it sounds like – it sounds like I'm accusing him of murdering his father.

"What?" he asks me sharply in a shocked tone. Now he looks really confused. He falls silent for a couple of minutes, trying to relive the past.

"I didn't realize that's why they had me in for questioning so many times...," he mutters and falls back deep in thought.

I'm not sure if I should say something or just let him think things over. But I'm sure of one thing. He didn't do it. He didn't even know he was the suspect. He was only sixteen and he had just lost his father. He was grieving and didn't quite get what was truly going on around him. But before I can say anything or get to comfort him in any way, he stands up.

"I can't believe you would ever think that I would be capable of murdering my father," he says bluntly and walks out of the kitchen.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to think. Simon was throwing solid facts at me, and I didn't know what to do with all that information. I was confused. That's why I came home and asked you about it," I try to follow him and smooth things over, but I can see he's getting dressed to leave.

"No," he says when he finally stops in the foyer, "You came home and accused me of murdering my father. At least that's what it felt like," he says in an even tone. "And you believed Simon based on what? Because he said so? I thought you were smarter than that." He taps his temple with his index finger as he says that.

I can see that he's hurt, but I don't want him to leave. I want to talk to him and straighten things out until we're fine again.

"Please don't go," I plead when I see him putting his sneakers on. Tears are pooling in my eyes. I hate myself for not handling this information differently and ending up hurting him. I should have trusted Anthony.

"I can't believe that after all we've been through, you still don't trust me. What do I have to do for you to believe me?" He shakes his head in disbelief and walks out the front door.

"Anthony...," I cry after him through my sobs, but he doesn't turn around. He jogs down the stairs, taking two steps at a time. And I don't blame him.

What do I do now? I think I just ruined my relationship because of my trust issues. The only man I ever loved just walked out on me and I don't know whether he'll be returning. If I were him, I'd be running away too. I feel fucking miserable.