Troubled Indeed

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

I wake up and it's still dark outside, with a hint of sunrise. It must be early morning. My body aches. It takes me a moment to realize I'm in Benji's tiny bed, next to my boy. I remember putting him to bed and lying next to him. His soft even breaths worked like a miracle and took my heartache away. But as a result, my whole body hurts now. He's asleep and I get up slowly to free up space in his bed. I'll let him sleep as long as he needs.

I haven't spoken to Anthony since we got home. I'm not even sure he's here at all. I tiptoe quietly out of Benji's room and check the living room. Anthony's not there, but I notice his jacket on my couch. He must be in the bedroom.

As I open my bedroom door, I notice Anthony's clothes all over the floor. But I don't mind because I know it's not his habit to throw clothes around, he must have been exhausted.

And there he is – my knight without his armor. He's sleeping in the middle of the bed, on his stomach with his hands under the pillow. His lower body is covered by my blanket and his upper body is bare, leaving all his toned muscles and tattoos for me to gawk at. I could just stand there and watch him sleep. I mean he's basically a dream come true. He's caring, loving, handsome, and definitely hubby material.

Oh. Crap.

A hard realization dawns on me. I knew I wanted to marry him, I realized that back at the bridal shop. But after everything we've been through, I realize I want to be his forever as soon as possible, body and soul. I love him and I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with anybody else but him. This makes me smile, but not without worry. What if he doesn't feel the same way? It's only been three months since we met but feels like we've known each other forever. Everyone around us would say we're crazy to get married that soon. But he's my soulmate, I know it.

I walk around the bed to the other side and lie down next to him, facing his beautiful features. He's so easy on the eye. I want to kiss him so badly, but I don't want to wake him, so I just look at him, letting my thoughts of our future together go wild. At some point, his breathing changes.

"I missed you," he whispers and throws his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

He opens his eyes and without saying another word, kisses me.

"I love you," I reply, then add, "And thank you for finding Benji."

"Babe, I truly hope that by now you know I would do anything for you and that boy," he says with the most earnest expression I've seen on him.

There you go, he answered my unasked question – he wants me as much as I want him. I kiss him once again and try hard not to ruin this beautiful moment with my tears. So, I turn to my other side and move closer to him. He quickly shifts himself and spoons me. Tears of joy well up in my eyes. This is exactly the moment I'd like to put in a time capsule and keep with me forever.

***

The next time I wake up it's already sunny outside. The sun is so bright it takes me a minute to completely open my eyes. Anthony's gone. But I hear laughter from the living room. I guess both of my guys are up and entertaining themselves with cartoons.

I lay there in my bed, trying to eavesdrop on them a little bit. I like that they're bonding. I can't quite hear what they're saying but I hear them laugh at something every so often. After a couple of minutes, I drag myself out of bed. I need to check on Benji and try and find out what happened to him last night without scaring him. I also want to hear Anthony's version of it.

I stand in my living room doorway for a couple of minutes before Benji notices me.

"Mommy, look – Anthony found Paw Patrol!" He jumps up from his seat and drags me by my hand in front of the TV to watch Paw Patrol, his new favorite cartoon by the looks of it.

"Oh, that's so cool. Do you like it?" I ask my boy but peeking at Anthony at the same time. He looks tired.

"Yeah, the pups are so brave! Just like me!" Benji sounds so hyped up.

Feels like a stab through my heart. He is definitely brave. Benji has been through a lot last night and I'd like to talk to him about this, but now is not the time. First, I need to talk to Anthony and maybe then I could talk to Benji without bawling like a lunatic.

"Where did you find it?" I ask Anthony, "Because he's been talking about this for a while. Almost every kid in his preschool group has seen it, but I couldn't find it anywhere."

"Apple TV, babe," he says, and finally smiles.

"I don't have that."

"Yeah, you do. But don't worry I used my account to log in and buy the monthly subscription. As long as you keep it logged in you can watch Paw Patrol anytime."

Anthony sounds so proud of himself, and I'm proud of him too. I think there's some sort of guilt trip going on inside his head, why else would he do this now? I don't like the idea of Benji being glued to cartoons, but it has been a cute bonding experience for the two of them, so I say nothing.