Fireworks 3 and 4

Chapter Fifty-Nine

    You couldn't just plan a tour and then start touring. There was a preparation period leading up to the actual tour. During this period, Mia was to make sure to eat healthily, work out regularly, and participate in tour rehearsals. As she declared herself, she didn't have a Sade voice that allowed her to stand in the middle of the stage and sing. She had to work on her stage presence, on engaging the audience. It was decided by the powers that be, that during some songs, she would have dancers onstage with her to provide an added value to the concert tickets. 

    "After the first few performances, cell phone videos and word of mouth will spread like wildfire. For those few venues that didn't sell out, they should once people have heard how amazing your first few shows were." Wise words from Oliver. 

    Mia was enrolled in dance lessons, and they properly kicked her ass. That was before the instructor and her voice coach teamed up on an ambush to have her practice singing while dancing. 

    "What we want to improve is your breath control during movement," her voice coach informed her. 

    "Are you guys trying to take me out before the tour even starts?" Mia joked, her breathing nearly as loud as the engine in a Mack truck. 

    Her voice coach tilted her head back and laughed.

    I...wasn't kidding, though.

    Drake was having a ball with Adonis, but made sure to make an appearance at a few of her rehearsals or workout sessions. It seemed that his baby mama was staying with him longer than originally anticipated. Mia still hadn't met the baby yet, and didn't intend to any time soon. If Mia met her, she'd be able to more easily picture Drake cheating on her with his child's mother. That was the last thing she needed before her tour started. 

    "You have absolutely nothing to worry about, there," became Drake's favorite words of reassurance. Words spoken in the few brief moments they had together once Adonis had fallen asleep. "This wasn't what I wanted, by the way. I didn't want a broken family that my future wife has to find a way to adjust to or grow comfortable with. I didn't want there to be complications in our relationship because of a family I've started with someone else."

    Those words stung her more than she would ever admit to him. Essentially, that is what having a child with someone was, though. You were creating a family with them, whether you were romantically involved with the other person or not.

    "I will never be done making it up to you," he'd said softly with his arms tight around her. "That is the realization that hurts me: knowing that I have done something that I cannot ever truly redeem myself for."

    "You don't have to say all of this Aubrey," she said, feeling a lot more exhausted than she had five minutes prior.

    "Yes, I do," he insisted. "Because even though you're playing with Adonis and me now, and you're having fun with us, and I can tell that you're starting to love him, I know that on some level whenever you look at him, you're going to be reminded of what I did to you."

    She took a deep breath and held it.

    "Sometimes that is what I see when I look at him," Drake added. 

    Surprised, she glanced at him over her shoulder. "You do?"

    "Not every time," he clarified. "Not even most times...but sometimes. I know there are feelings that you're probably wrestling with, and there are feelings that I wrestle with, too. Like...I regret hurting you, and I wish that I didn't have to interact with his mother. But I don't regret helping to create him, because he is such an amazing little kid."

    "I can understand that," she said.

    He kissed the top of her shoulder. "Then I wish things that I shouldn't, like...going back in time and having you give birth to him instead of her."

    She froze in her arms.

    "It's a fucked up thought, I know." 

    "I've had the same thought," she admitted after a moment. "There are times that we're all hanging out and it does feel like...our family. Like I have some claim to it that I don't really have."

    "Hmmm."

    She didn't dare ask what that Hmmm meant. This wasn't an ideal time for talk about marriage or kids, as much as she did want to revisit that conversation with him, deep down. "One thing you're right about, is the fact that he's an amazing kid."

    "So smart," Drake boasted, and she could feel his chest puff up a little behind her. "Way smarter than I was when I was his age."

    Unable to help herself, she laughed. "You're starting to sound like such a dad."

    "Well, before I was his dad, I was your Daddy, am I wrong?" he murmured, nipping her neck with his teeth before burying kisses in the crook of her neck. 

    She squirmed in his arms and turned over in bed so she could lock his arms behind his neck.

    "Do you know how much I love you?" he asked her, and the expression on his face was serious.

    "You might have to remind me, due to recent events," she replied honestly.

    Searching her eyes, he nodded his head. "I can do that," he said, and dipped his head down so he could kiss her. 

    The taste of his tongue sent jolts of electricity coursing through her body. How could he still have this effect on her, even after all of this time? She moaned into his ear and tensed as he positioned himself above her. "Aubrey," she whispered as he undressed.

    One of his knees started to coax her thighs apart.

    She rose up on her elbows with her heart pounding in her chest. 

    He lowered his head again and claimed her lips. At the same time, his right hand slid underneath her night shirt. 

    I want this, she thought, even as she felt her entire body tremble beneath his touch. I want this, so why am I on the verge of a panic attack?

    His hand stilled beneath her shirt. "Are you okay?" he asked against her mouth.

    "I need more time," she blurted out.

    Pain flickered in his eyes but he nodded, withdrawing his hand from beneath her shirt. "Of course."

    "I'm...sorry," she apologized, feeling lame. Why the hell am I feeling lame? I took him back when many women wouldn't have. Maybe it's because I feel so hot and cold with him, and I feel like I'm jerking him around. Some nights, I let him get a lot farther than he just did. 

    "It's okay," he assured her, settling back into his spot and staring up at the ceiling.

    She lowered flat onto her back and wrapped her arms around herself. Only once she was sure he was asleep, did she dare to look at him. 

    A single tear glistened at the corner of his eye, before sliding down the side of his face and dripping onto his pillow.