|| |{Eddsworld oneshots}| x reader||

The....*sigh*....incident of 2020

[I have been asked, so I must speak]
.
.
.
I guess we're talking about THAT day now.

So.....Tord......yeah he drank bleach once.

Obviously he had been drinking that night and, this is before you two began dating, no one had cared to watch the fumbling Norwegian.

So he got into some stuff looking for more alcohol and got a hold of some bleach from under the kitchen sink.

That's the simple story, want the longer version with all them juicy detail?

Of course you do.
.....

It had been a typical Saturday night, well- as typical as it could be in the Edd house.

Tom and Tord were arguing over stupidness in the kitchen as you, Edd and Matt were sitting on the carpeted floor of your shared living room playing uno.

After a while Tom had stormed out of the door, huffing out a quick apology to Edd as he headed towards the nearest convenience store. You assumed Tord had gone into his gremlin hole of a bedroom, so you continued to play your game.

Getting up before the 5th round of uno, you headed into the kitchen for a small snack and a coke for your green friend. What you didn't expect to find was a giggly Norwegian sitting on the floor surrounded by discarded cans of Pilsner, a Norwegian beer he had imported a while back.

Unsure of how to properly deal with the drunk toddler before you, you called out to Edd.

"Hey Edd, I believe Tord may or may not be drunk"

"What?"

Seconds later Edd popped his head through the doorway, bursting with laughter at the sight before him.

Tord's body was sprawled out as the cans around him clanked to the floor. His giggles getting louder as he found Edd's expression absolutely hilarious.

"So....what're we gonna do with him?"

"I honestly have no idea. Probably should take him to his room though"

Oh god was that gonna be a journey. Grabbing the drunk by his arms you and Edd had successfully got him to his feet. Sadly, he decided he wanted to shift the majority of his weight onto you. How fun.

Putting him to bed was even worse, as he would NOT let go of you. Whining like a little baby when you tried pulling your arm away from his grasp.

You were there for an hour. An hour. Being trapped until he had fallen asleep and you could tear your hand free.

At least you had blackmail in the form of pictures and videos of him falling on his face.
{you still have those btw. He doesn't know >:p}

You couldn't quite pinpoint how long it had been since then, but later on you had heard a bump in the kitchen. At this point in time you were supposedly the only one downstairs, the other two opting to either go to sleep or chill in their room, so you were suspicious.

Putting on your forgotten slippers, you got off the couch and silently trudged toward the kitchen, listening for any clue on who it could possibly be.

What you saw next was both terrifying and oddly hilarious. It was Tord, pouring bleach into a plastic cup, sink cupboard wide open and cap tossed far away on a nearby counter. He was clearly still drunk as his hands were very unsteady and he had a hard time standing still.

Kicking into high gear you sped towards him, a warning tone in your voice.

"Tord you better not dare drink any of that. Put the cup down!"

As if on cue, he tilted the cup. Emptying the contents into his mouth before running out of the kitchen and away from you.

This bi- *ahem* idiot

A small chase ensued, resulting in him being cornered and forcibly held down as you yelled out for anyone.

Edd obviously had come down first, very confused on what he was seeing. Then Matt, who was beyond confused. You explained the situation to the pair and all three of you rushed to help.

Edd contacted poison control as Matt went to find a bucket. You were given the task of grounding and monitoring Tord. As he seemed to struggle less with you basically straddling him to the couch.

Sure you were extremely embarrassed. And sure Tord was lazily poking your thighs. But at least you had him in one spot in case anything happened.

To your relief however, the amount he had ingested wasn't lethal and he just needed to try and throw up the contents in his stomach and drink a lot of milk to dilute the substance.

Easy enough, he was already halfway there. Throwing up a few times while Matt scurried off to get milk.

Yet again, an hour had passed and Tord seemed to be in stable condition. Not throwing up anymore and finishing his glasses of milk.

Edd sent Matt and you off to bed, saying he'd look after him properly this time. After he cleaned the now used bucket and hid the bleach that is.

In the morning the Norwegian was completely miserable. Normally after drinking he'd be fine, then again he did throw his brains up. You and the other boys decided to not tell him of the events passed him knocking out the first time. Also agreeing to keep a better eye on him whenever he got wasted.

You definitely told Tom when he got back. Showing him the plethora of blackmail you had obtained from the night before.

And that's it, maybe in the near future I'll talk about the tide pod incident of 2018