TACENDA // Sodapop Curtis

Date Time!

"If you don't keep this damn calf steady!" My father yelled. "I am keepin' him steady dammit!" I yelled. He threw the branding iron down and balled his fists up. "DAMMIT MADELINE! Don't you ever tell me I'm wrong. There's two damn rules with me, don't lie, don't tell me what I'm doin'!" He yelled in German. It made me roll my eyes.

I then felt a fist to my face. It stung a bit, but I didn't care. I'm used to it. I rolled my eyes again and let the calf go. I didn't even bother to talk to my dad anymore, I just walked off. I don't care what he thinks of me. For all I care, he could be dead in a ditch. It wouldn't faze me.

I remember when everything used to be perfect, my mom and dad were happy, they were in love. They would dance with eachother and my dad would sing to her while the eggs were cooking. But now there's no music, there's no smiles, all there is, is yelling and frustration.

The tears stung my eyes faster than anything. They fell faster than I could wipe them off. I hate crying. It makes me feel like I've let everyone down, I feel like I'm letting my dad down. I can't ever do anything right with him. I don't hold the steer steady enough, I'm too loud. I'm just never good enough.

I took off my spurs and threw them close to my bed. I want to sleep. I'm not tired, I'm exhausted. I want time to myself. I don't want to be around everybody all the time. I don't need anybody. I just need an hour to myself, an hour to think. I can't think anymore.

"Madeline." My dad said from behind my door. I didn't answer. I was face down on my pillow with my eyes closed. "Madeline." He said a little bit louder. He opened my door softly and sat by my bed, putting a hand on my back. I moved it off. I don't want to be around him.

"Now I know you don't like it here, I don't either." He started. "But you needa understand that your mothers gone. She ain't here anymore." He said. Just thinking about it made more tears roll down my cheeks. Why did she have to leave? She didn't want me. Why does no one fucking want me for me? Not just pity.

"I'm sorry I yelled at ya, you just make me so frustrated at times. And I shouldn't get mad." He said. "Just seien' ya fuck up is what scares me." He got off my bed and looked at me from above. "Remember you got that dinner at six with Andy." That just topped it all off.

Maverick jumped on my bed and lay beside me. He licked my tears off  and put his head in front of my face. I love this damn dog. I put my arm around him and pulled his body closer to mine, crying into the dog's fur. He didn't mind, he just put up with me.

I hate how I live now. It's so draining. Maybe I'm not tough enough. Maybe I'm just some soft wuss that can't handle being yelled at. He's done it for five hundred years, I surely should've gotten used to it by now. But I can't. It just hurts my feelings each time.

When I was younger, he didn't yell like he does now. He yelled if we actually fucked up. He yelled if we broke something by accident. He yelled if we cost him money in a vet bill or a lost horse. Now he yells over anything and everything.

You have to take the alcohol into consideration too.  I think if he didn't drink as much, he wouldn't be the way he is. The tears just streamed down my face more, cleaning the dirt off my face. I'm just not good enough.

—

I slipped on jeans and a white t shirt, not really caring what I went out in. I polished up my boots and put on my signature buckle that I had won in the rodeo here two years ago. It had two horses and two ropes on it with a cow in the middle. It's my pride and joy.

I put on a few gold pieces of jewelry and walked out of my room to where my dad was. "Want me to walk you there?" He asked. I shook my head no. I'm not talking to him. I'm mad at him.

I walked out the door, leaving Maverick inside. He looked sad that I wasn't taking him with me, like I was leaving him for a sacrifice of some kind. I felt bad leaving the dog, but this dinner is going to last about ten minutes before I smash a glass over his head.

"Yo!" I looked ahead of me. "Shelby!" He addressed me by my last name. I slightly smiled and walked towards him into the diner, which was awkward.

"So, how are you likin' Tulsa?" He asked, sipping on his coke. I shrugged. "It's fine." I eyed him. He laughed a bit and smiled. His smile wasn't near as pretty as Soda's. Nobody could beat Soda's smile.

"You dad tells me you like to rope," he said. "Yeah." I replied blankly, wanting to get out of this conversation. "You don't seem too enthusiastic about it," he paused. Now here's where I want the drama to come in.

"How's Sandy doin?" I asked. His eyes got a little wide. "Sandy?" He asked. "Ya know, the broad you might've knocked up?" I said. He looked down and smiled, then got up out of the booth. "Can we talk outside?" I followed him outside.

I lit up a cigarette and leaned against the brick wall, watching the man talk to me. "How do you know Sandy?" He asked. "Small world." I replied. He grabbed my shoulders and squeezed them so I would look at him. "How the fuck do you know about Sandy?" He asked again.

I attempted to shake his hands off, but it didn't work. "Let go of me." I told him, he tightened his grip. "Sodapop? Sandy? Really?" I said, looking him straight in the eye. "They only broke up today, you're the reason she's cheatin' on him." I said slowly. That fist came so quickly.

"What the hell?!" I screamed, Holding my nose. "Do not tell anyone." He pointed a finger at me. "Who's gonna stop me huh?" I taunted. "You think a little punch is gonna stop me?" I asked, raising my voice a bit. There came a slap to the face.

"I should've known," he stepped back. "Know what huh? That you're a fucking piece of cheating shit? People like you are the reason my parents aren't together anymore, the reason Soda has to fucking go through a shit ton of pain because of you? Is that what you should've known?" I yelled, my voice cracking a bit.

He slammed me against the wall and got real close to my face. "I should've known you'd go for a white trash piece of shit like Curtis or Winston, it's predictable." He growled. His hands deepened on my shoulders and they hurt now. I could hardly breathe.

"Madeline?" I looked to my right and saw Dally. "This asshole givin' ya trouble?" He walked towards us a bit. I nodded. "No, we were just going home, right?" He got off me and held out a hand for me. But I fell to the ground, gasping for breath because of the hands on my neck.

Before I knew it, Dally had him on the ground and was beating his lights out. I saw the blood in his knuckles. It was like I was useless. I couldn't breath and all I could feel was the bruise coming onto my neck from how hard he was holding it. God what the fuck.

Dally walked away and kneeled down in front of me while Andy ran off. "You okay?" He asked me. I nodded in response, breathing in a bit. He moved my hand and his eyes slightly widened at how red my neck was. "Don't fuckin' lie to me about shit like this,"

"Dal, I'm fine." I whispered. He rolled his eyes in response. "What we're you doin' with him anyway?" He asked. "I didnt wanna be," I whispered. "You know hes the guy who took Soda's girl, right?" he asked, I nodded. "Exactly why I didnt wanna go, Dally." I told him, and he nodded. "If you want me to beat his head in, I will." I laughed at the statement.

"Want me to walk you home?" he asked, I nodded. We walked about a block in silence, he didnt really want to say anything. But after about 20 minutes, he spoke up. "Ya know, Soda's taken a real good likin' to you man," he said. I rolled my eyes. "Who hasnt?" I asked, he flicked me in the head. "Dont get wise now," maybe Dally wasnt so bad.

He walked me to my steps and let me inside. My father was sitting in his chair, asleep. I didnt pay much attention to him. I told Dallas goodnight, he waved me off per usual. My bed felt better than most nights. It was actually comfortable, plus I got a full nights worth of sleep.