Opinions.

2. Growing up as the "fat" kid

Right now as im writing this, i am the smallest i have ever been my entire life. You hear that losing weight will drastically change how others treat you, but theres nothing that can prepare you for what experiencing that change is actually like.

I've always been chubby, from when i was a baby to very very recently. I'm not gonna pretend my life was some big sobstory but i did get picked on for being heavy as a child. The teasing made me withdraw into myself and be less friendly/trusting towards othere, which in turn left me isolated. When i got to middle school and puberty and all that terrible stuff hit, that isolation was only exacerbated. Then throw in covid and suddenly, i found myself incredibly lonely at a very emotional age. Food had always been my coping mechanism and was why i stayed overweight even while being on the swim team and playing field hockey. But after 2020, it spiraled out of control.

I hit my heaviest around when i first started posting on this app (2021), coming in just shy of 200 lbs at 5'4. When you're lonely and depressed because you're insecure about your body but then turn to food to alleviate the stress, well. It turns into a vicious cycle.

I only started successfully losing weight last year. Anyone whose ever grown up overweight knows how hard it is to break your bad habits. You might've just intensely worked out for 2 hrs straight, but you can eat those calories back in two servings of ice cream, effectively rendering your exercise meaningless in terms of weightloss (dont get me wrong-its good to exercise regardless, but when ur main goal is to lose weight - u see how it gets frustrating).

But, yeah. Like i was saying. The way people
Treat me now? SO different. Almost painfully different. Combined with my weight loss, i've cleared up my acne and started developing a sense of style. People actually look me in the eye now. I'm greeted by strangers on the street. Men hold doors open for me. I didn't even realize all that i was missing out on until I experienced it for myself.

When you're conventionally unattractive, its hard to be confident. Because people will respond to ur confidence with annoyance. How dare this ugly person speak to me? How dare they act like theyre hot shit? 

I'm not saying thats always the case, but definitely sometimes.

But i dont experience that anymore. I'm not stick thin, and i'd still like to lose 10-20 lbs, but it feels good to be treated like a human being for once. My experience has also made me become more bitter and untrusting. Everyone who is suddenly nice to me seems so fake now. Where was all this love and support when i was depressed?

Like I have cousins who've always picked on me when we were kids. As we got older, that morphed into belittling and talking down to me. Now? They act like we've always been close. My older brother had this one close friend who nicknamed me after a fat cartoon character. For years, his friends and few other people called me that name. The last time i saw one of them and got mad about the name, i was gaslit that it was done with "affection."

To any current or former overweight people: i feel your pain. I get it. I hate that we are treated the way we are. Just work on yourself and ignore those that put you down. It will get better.