I hate him // Minsung [Eng]

27

Han Jisung p.o.v.

I'm destroyed. Not only the tour has been exhausting, but I couldn't even sleep well. Every time I closed my eyes, I've dreamed of Lee Know. 

I can't lie, I miss him. I miss him so much.

But I wouldn't know what to say to him now, I don't know how to behave with him anymore after... that kiss.

I have so much confusion in my head...

I want to go back to Seoul, I long for those 3 days break that wait for us like they are lifeblood. And they are. I'm so tired that I can't even be worried for the crowd in the airport.

I put on my headphones and arrive at the plane without too many hitches, escorted by Changbin and Chan again. But when I see the size of the aircraft, however, my thoughts instantly go to him.

What should I do? I don't want to leave him alone for this long flight. Deep down he's still my member, even if I'm angry with him. But after ignoring him for days, it would be absurd to show up there to help him. He would send me away.

I glance at Chan, who is looking at Lee Know with concern. He then looks me back and seems to immediately understand my inner conflict. He nods, he's telling me to go to him.

Lee Know is seated away from the window and I nervously approach him. He looks at me with an impassive gaze, but I know he's puzzled.

«Can I-» 

«You don't have to» he interrupts me, cutting me short. He looked away, avoiding eye contact.

«I know I don't have to.» I talk again, «But I want.»

He looks at me again, his eyes are cold as ice. They remind me of those from a few months ago, when he used to be mean with me.

«And why? I don't want your pity.» he says, spitting venom. 

«It's actually because I miss you...» I say in a whisper, «Please, can we talk?» I sit next to him, not waiting for an answer.

He sighs but doesn't says anything. He looks away, so as not to meet my gaze.

I'm intimidated: this Minho really scares me. But I don't want to give up. I know that beneath this hard shell, his heart is pure.

And I know he misses me too.

The aircraft powers up and begins to move towards the runway. Minho stiffens. I take his hand, but he moves it away, unfriendly.

«Min, please. I'm begging you.» I feel my eyes water.

«You didn't let me help you when you were in pain» he says.

«I know, I was wrong.» I admit, straight to the point.

I know I tend to push everyone away when I'm suffering. And I know I pushed him away because he messed with my squirrel brain.

I grab his hand again and this time he doesn't rebel.

He doesn't look at me anyway but he lets my hands caress him. I can't whisper in his ear like the first intercontinental flight, I do not feel like it, but I rest my head on his shoulder and keep stroking him, hoping that's enough.

The flight continues peacefully, for 10 hours my hand remains in Minho's, even when I fall asleep for a couple of hours or while we are eating a sandwich. I just want his fingers intertwined with mine. And I think he wants the same.

It's not all over, I can feel it. I'm still mad at him, mostly because that was my first kiss, but I'm not sure I'm so displeased it was with him. I just have to clarify my feelings.