My ray of sunshine

Chapter 3- Me and my problems

Max

Im ugly,im fucking ugly, what was i thinking going out with a guy known for his girls, i shout"i fucking hate you Ray, i cant belive i ever liked you, your a monster." i ment every single word but there was still some love of him in my heart, not to mention that we just shared bodies for 20 good,deep minutes.Brian arrives almost immedietly after i called him, looking just as decent as he always does,i judged myself even more, i'm a mess,my shirt is inside out.Brian comes to me at the floor and just his look of support makes me break down and i tell him everything.".................he's a jerk but i don't know what i feel about him." he looks at me straight at my eyes and slaps me."what the fuck's wrong with you Max you let your feeling of a guy you've barely met get you so low that you blindly go and fuck the guy." he stops and says again "know you fucking worth Max" he looks at me with a straight face , reading disgust,disgust at my current state, im crying even harder. This reminds me of the time when Brian kissed me in middle school when he found me crying in the bathroom,i was always being bullied by some guys in my class who mocked me because i had no girlfriend,the difference between now and then is that he is no longer sympathetic, he now just slapped me. I don't even feel sad because of his slap, actually i feel better. Brian lifts me up in his hands he's not stronger than me but he's still strong enough to carry a 200 lbs me to our room.The reason i keep a diary is to entertain myself but at moments like this ,the diary actually helps me, it helps me feel less alone. MAX'S DIARY.Do not read or i will find you and i will kill u!! .................................................................................................................................................................................................27th Febuarydear diary, ill never be able love again, why does Ray have to be such a bitch he fucked me and left like nothing ever happened. fuck u Ray. im trying to forget him but everytime i try my heart aches his name, i wish i could be able to forget him.Anyway im happy to have a friend like Brian, a friendwho sympathises and shows me the way softly and harshly. Ithink thats the reason i didn't tell him i was leaving to get fucked by Ray is because hewould have stopped me. Fuck now i dont even know what to do with my life,Though I still remember his scent, his voice and the possesive way he claimed methose 20 min were the best minutes of my life but after... I feel like shit rn.