Silly Stories with Dairy.

You still look cute, in cotton candy blue.

The year was 2003.  I had just graduated middle school and was about to enter my freshman year of high school.  I had not been very popular through out seventh and most of eighth grade. I was the new kid with a strange accent and a strange way of talking in general. I was scrawny, kind, and nerdy. A easy target for bullying. Luckily though, an even easier target for a girlfriend.

Puberty had been kind to me. My face was smooth and clear of acne.  My voice although changed, stayed soft.  My long blonde hair had me looking like a mixture of Thor the god of thunder,  slayer of giants, and Napoleon Dynamite. Before long I had girls flirting with me. I was painfully oblivious to most of them. Until one girl went out of her way to ask for my number.

She was a year younger than me and she was cute. She was tiny, maybe 5.4ft. She was an extrovert, The complete opposite of me in every way. She followed me around dropping hints that she had a crush on me. It took me weeks before I finally got the courage to ask her out. Our town threw a big festival every summer. Carnival rides, lives music, rib fest, eating contests, and everyone in town hanging out and having fun together.

I invited her to go out on a date with me to the carnival, and afterwards we could watch the fireworks. She was thrilled when I had called her. I remember she was hanging out with friends and she stopped their movie to make them listen to my "cute voice." She was so excited that she screamed yes into the phone as loud as she could. The sound hurt my ears, but summoned a herd of caterpillars lose in my stomach. Their tiny feet tickled my insides as they crawled all cutely around my digesting chamber. (oh yeah, authors note! That is a solid sentence.)

It was official... I had a date. 

I floated around on cupids wings for the week leading up to the carnival. The day had arrived and I woke up at the crack of dawn. A solid twelve hours before the carnival would really get started.  I was nervous. The anxiety I was feeling was unbearable. There was a solid mass in my stomach, it was like those caterpillars all decided to cocoon at the same time. I got up and went for a walk around the block to calm my nerves. It was on this walk that first the mishap of the day happened.

I had been strolling along without a care in the world. The thought of me having a date gave my stride the swagger of a 1970's pimp. I was cocky and full of myself as I walked.  Until I came to a tree which just so happened to hold a fortress guarded by the fiercest of dragons.

A blue jay had made its nest and was fiercely defending its eggs from people who wondered to close. It saw me up on my high horse and thought it would take me down a peg or two. It dive bombed my head and squawked and screamed for me to leave its domain! I lost my swag and ran as fast and cowardly as I could a safe distance away.  I have been afraid of birds ever since this day! I got home and impatiently waited until it was time to get ready.

I met the girl at the carnival around 6:30pm. She looked dazzling. She wore a white t-shirt with silver reflected gems bedazzled in the shape of a paw print. She had on short white shorts, with a pair of white converse on her petite feet. All of the white really popped off her Italian tan. I went to compliment her.

"You look astonishing all in white." Is what I should have said.

"You look white." Is what I stuttered.

"I know what you meant to say and thank you." She said. A beautiful bright smile appeared and tied the entire outfit together. 

My cocoons were slowly starting to hatch one by one. The anxiety was melting away and turning into pure magical teenage romance. We went from booth to booth sampling bbq left over from the days contests. We drank slushies and devoured cotton candy. We rode rides and held hands. I chased her excitement all through out the park grounds as she pulled my hand eagerly. She was stunning. I loved the way her long brown hair bounced and blew in the wind as we ran. The bright lights and loud noises all melted away and became silent. 

"This is what they try to talk about in music." I remember thinking, while a handful of butterfly's were dancing in unison. Their wings would tickle me and my steps would feel lighter. As if the push of the butterfly's wings was somehow giving me lift.

"Hey! the firework show will start soon and it looks like the line is long. Do you wanna get in line for the Ferris wheel?" She asked me. Her boldness had vanished and she looked innocent. 

She sat there underneath the various colored lights and I watched as they all flashed and reflected on her beautiful skin. She spun her long straight hair through her fingers. Her left foot was digging into the ground in anticipation. Her shoes had turned brown from all the running through dirt. 

"I would love to." I said. Instantly all of the remaining cocoons burst into a furious flock of butterflies.  I was in full on panic mode.

"Oh shit, its that classic romantic story moment. We kiss at the top of the Ferris wheel." I thought.

Before I could reconsider or think to much about it she had grabbed my hand and we were off. We got to the que line for the Ferris wheel and it was long. It worked out well for us though. We were right next to a stall that sold more cotton candy. I got us one final blue cotton candy to share as we waited to ride the Ferris wheel. I tried my best to not think about the kiss. We sat there and talked for nearly a half hour before we got onto the ride. The fireworks had been going on for a few minutes. The timing could not have been better.

We got into the ride and I felt a very familiar feeling. It was the butterflies song ending and their dance stopped. They decayed and fell into my stomach where they mixed with the cotton candy and bbq and a whole lot of slushies. My anxiety had pushed me to the point that I was going to puke. It was to late to do anything about it though. We were locked in. The carnival worker had walked away and was ignoring my attempts to casually  call him over.

"Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit, I just gotta breath. Smile and nod at her words. It sounds like she is saying something about how much fun she's having. I swear to god Double-D, do not ruin this for us. Breath." My thoughts were racing, my neck was sweating profusely. I was rubbing my hands back and forth on my knees. I felt tense. I had to let her know there was no holding it, and I was going to puke. 

I had to turn to tell her. 

I had to turn. 

I turned. 

Turned. 

tur...

Before I registered what had happened the warmth of her lips were against mine. Fireworks boomed and the lights flickered through my eyelids. New life was temporarily given to those butterflies and they once more danced the dance of love. 

I pulled away and before I would even mutter a good ole Owen Wilson "Wow."

I leaned over the side of our cart and vomited an absolute river of blue cotton candy and blue slushy onto the cars below us...

The girl and I dated for nearly a year after that.  I never did find out what happened to the people who got covered in my sick. I hope they know how sorry and bad I feel for it.