Silly Stories with Dairy.

The 10,000$ slice of pizza.

I was in a comfortable pattern of ghosting through life. I would wake up and go to work. I would come home and play video games or watch anime until exhaustion would force me to pass out. I was unhappily happy. My favorite ritual during this time period was my pre-work slice of pizza.

For years I would swing through this specific gas station for their dirt cheap and super delicious pizza. It was often either overcooked or undercooked but when you got there at just the right time. You could hear the choirs singing its praises. 

I would spend an hour before work sitting in my car listening to the radio and enjoying this sometimes heavenly pizza. That hour was by far the most peaceful hour of my day. It was something I always looked forward to.

I woke up late on a brutal winter morning and had to rush through my routine. It had been snowing all night on top of an already dangerous layer of ice. I was stressed and hated being rushed. I raced over to the gas station and as soon as I opened the door to enter the building. I could hear them singing. That choir of angels. The pizza was perfect.

I had just got paid and was feeling a little spontaneous, so I got three slices. I picked up my energy drink and then went to check out. I also just happened to walk past a bag of flaming hot Cheetos that looked especially sexy. I was distracted by all of the heavenly singing that I declined the offer to have a bag. 

I stuffed my arms full of my treasures and made my way back towards my car. I stepped out into the parking lot and before I knew what was up. I was down. Upside down.

I had slipped on ice and in slow motion was twisting and falling head first towards the parking lot pavement. I quickly tucked my head towards my chest and flung my arms out into the air. I watched in absolute horror in slow motion. As my three perfect specimens of pizza were crying out for help. 

"They spiraled through the air like some pizza ass doves." As Danny of NSP would say.

My energy drink was the first thing to hit the ground. It exploded and covered me in a sticky mist of regret. The next thing that hit the ground was my shoulder. I felt it take the full weight of my fall and then heard a loud explosion. I thought for a moment that a gas tank had blown up. I laid on the ground stunned but grateful I fell before the explosion.

I laid there for a few moments before getting up. I went to stretch my shoulder and that loud explosion rang out again. I buckled to the ground again in pain. It was no explosion that was making those loud sounds. It was my broken bones.

I got into my manual drive vehicle with who knew how many broken bones and shifted my way painfully into a parking spot. I got out and called for my mommy to come rescue me and bring into the emergency room. 

Naturally this had to happen during pothole season.

We drove and hit what felt like every single pot hole. With each bounce of the vehicle my bones would grind together and send pain shooting through my body, I was dealing with this horrible pain on top of trying to call in sick to work. Of course this had to be the one day that we had a corporate manager filling in and she needed information I did not have. It was beyond stressful.

We got the emergency room and they get me into my luxurious suite. I sat there in pain for awhile until a doctor came over and filled me in on the plan. He was going to get me some pain killers and then we would try to take off my three layers of shirts. Then we would go in for a x-ray of the area. The doctor left and a few moments later another person came into my sheeted domain.

"Alright, lets get those clothes off." He said, as he grabbed my arm to help me lift it up. 

I felt the bones grind together and exploded in sobs. The pain was to much and the stress of the morning had piled up to a boiling point. The person stepped back and waited a moment for me to collect myself before saying. 

"Do you just want to cut the clothes off?"

I was surprised that I did not think of that. I was also surprised no one offered before hand. 

We got me  cut free from my cotton prison and the brought me in to x-ray. Sure enough. I had snapped my collarbone in half and not in a clean way. 

It took three months of bed rest, depression, anxiety, some of the most lonely days of my life and a ton of stress and medical bills but I healed up pretty okay. I still have painful issues with that shoulder area but it could have been so much worse.

I don't remember the full reason why the gas station didn't pay for anything. It had something to do with MN winters being notoriously bad and I should have been more careful.