Silly Stories with Dairy.

The Cute Girl and The Ugly Tree

I had spent a summer volunteering as maintenance for a youth camp when I had just graduated high school. There was this gorgeous girl who was there doing a nursing internship. I spent every day flirting with her. I would put on that extra dairy charm every time she was around. I tried everything to get her. As my senpai, to notice me. It was a busy camp and we always had work to do so it was hard to ever get time to talk alone. Until one magical morning, I got some news.

"You and the Nurse are going to head on out to the campsite and get things set up for camp outs." The directors assigned the two of us to a task together.

I was full of spunk and the young undefeated cockiness of a freshly graduated man. I was convinced that I could woo her within the time frame we were given. I was on the clock. I wrapped a sweatband around my forehead and laced up my sneakers. I meditated my pregame rituals. It was game time. It was on.

We drove over to the campsite and set up a bunch of tents and cleaned out the areas. We raked out the sand pits to make sure kids would not get hurt on anything berried underneath. The entire time we worked I was a chatty matty. I had her laughing non stop. 

"Stop it! I am going to pee my pants." She shouted. The outhouse had not been delivered yet.

I dialed down the charm a little as to not explode her bladder with my awesomeness. But I did keep it just at the right amount to keep the ball moving. We kept joking and getting to know each other as the hours just flew by. Everything was going great until she noticed a fifteen foot tree that was just a little to close to where kids would be jumping into the sand pit.

"We should have brought an axe or a saw so we could have cut that down." She told me.

"Ha! Have no fear lovely lady. I know the ancient art of tree tipping!" I exclaimed proudly with my hands on my hips and my chest puffed out.

"What is the ancient art of tree tipping?" She asked sarcastically enthused.

"It is when you climb up a skinny tree like that and you sway gently from side to side until gravity kicks in and the tree snaps under the weight." I walked a few yards away and began to stretch.

"That sounds extremely dangerous!" I heard her call out. She sounded sincerely concerned. It must have been all of that nursing training trying to warn her.

"Do not fret gorgeous. I have done this plenty of times." I laughed and swaggered to a starting position.

I had in fact. Not done this many times. I had never done this. I did not even know if there was such an art. I did not even know if I could climb the tree. I was never able to get very far up the rope in gym class.

"Okay. Nail this, maybe she will nail you. Someday." I thought, as I tried to hype myself up.

"I believe in you!" She said, she looked so cute. Her face was wide with excitement and anticipation.

Those words were all I needed to hear. I took off running as fast as I could. I jumped with all of my might and felt all of my desires flood into my biceps, and my grips, as I grabbed the tree. I shimmied up it in seconds, like it was nothing. 

"Wow, ya know. I have literally, never been able to do a pull up in my life." I yelled down jokingly. Charm point gained.

I heard her giggle as I began to sway from side to side. I moved with the rhythm of a bread stick. I made sure to put extra emphasis on  my butt as I danced for her. I felt like I was giving her a private strip show. I was starting to blush at the ideas of what a relationship could be like with her. A loud snap and the feeling of my stomach entering my throat pulled me out of my fantasies. I was falling fast. A sharp pain in my side was my next reaction.

I heard her scream in horror. 

"I didn't hit the ground?" I asked. I looked with wide eye as I hovered a few feet off of the ground. 

I had landed stomach first onto the snapped base of the tree. It had pierced the skin and inject hundreds of tiny slivers into the wound. It held my weight as I dangled there in utter defeat. Any and all cockiness I had ever felt melted away. I was vulnerable.

"Good thing you are a nurse." I laughed as I got up and put my hand over the wound. I had not looked at it yet. So the pain was tolerable.

"Are you okay?" She was still in shock. 

"Of course, but I have to finish the job. This looks more dangerous now." I walked back a few yards while still holding my side. I could feel a decent amount of blood trickling through the slits in my fingers.

"Almost there, just gotta run and drop kick the stump. My weight plus the momentum should uproot it." I thought. I took of running as full sprint.

I leapt into the air and did my best replica of a martial artists flying kick. I made contact with the base of the tree and the force of my momentum had launched me above the stump. I landed once again directly onto the broken tip of it.

"How embarrassing." I thought as I rolled off the stump in horrible pain. I grabbed the base of the broken tree and used it to hold my weight as I pulled myself from my defeats.

SNAP CRACK POP

The roots one by one gave way and the stump toppled to the ground with me on top of it once again.

 The stump and I laid there in defeat for an hour while the cute nurse pulled splinters out of my barely scraped stomach wound.

I learned a lot about cockiness this day.