𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐘 | 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒

I Want It Back.. | Notti Osama

"  i never had thoughts that controlled me."

"until something bad, left me so lonely."

"and i want it back, i want the old me"

"i'm trying to forget, but things just remind me.."

In This Darkness - Clara La San

(TW⚠️!! Self Harm, Relapsing, overdosing)

Jasmine Amira Taylor
17

" i try my best to forget abt him. but alotta shii js remind me.."

i stared infront of my bathroom mirror.

staring at the melted and smeared mascara that had run down my face.

i stared at the blood in the sink.

and started to cry again.

i stared at my wrist.

looking at the multiple slits.

realizing that i had once again, relapsed.

i grabbed a tissue and wiped the blood from my wrist, stinging in the process. making my face scrunch up.

i was about to grab another tissue when my phone rang.

it was a notification from my calendar, it told me it was ethan's birthday.

i started to cry.

while looking at me and ethan hugging my on lock screen.

i powered my phone off.

continuing cleaning up myself while tears were dropping off my face onto my bathroom counter.

i looked once again in the mirror.

" i never had thoughts that controlled me.."

i said to myself while opening my cabinets getting some bandages for my wrist.

while i was wrapping my arm up i thought of how ethan stopped me from ever relapsing.

i was 8 months clean from self-harm and cocaine.

he helped me every step of the way.

whenever i was about to relapse, he encouraged me to not do it.

but after the few weeks he passed away, i relapsed.

and today was the day.

i looked at the "I Am Sober" app on my home screen.

looking at all my progress start over.

which made me once again sob.

i didn't bother to clean my face.

i walked out the bathroom into my bedroom.

looking at the picture of ethan on my nightstand.

i looked through my camera roll,

every picture i took looked dull, and full of sadness.

i had snot running from my nose and tears filling up my eyes to the brim in one of the pictures i saw.

i looked at the photo, analyzing it.

"i want it back, i want the old me" i said while staring at the photo.

i scrolled through my camera roll, finding a picture of me and ethan kissing.

"i'm trying to forget, but things just remind me" i said while putting my phone down.

i opened up my nightstand drawer, picking up a little bag of cocaine.

i dumped it on my nightstand.

sniffing it while coughing.

i continued sniffing it.

until i closed my eyes.

You Overdosed.

457 words.

( yes i cried at this chapter. and i will be doing it again.)