All that's on my mind

scared of myself

Ryder POV
The next morning, I got up early and made breakfast for my puppies. Chase was, of course, the first one to wake up. „Good morning Ryder Sir." „Morning Chase." I answered and was about to put the dog food away, when the TV turned on. This bitch... I thought and turned to take a look. „This morning, another victim was found dead just a few steps from his home. The corpse was brutally disfigured and later identified as Mike Forester." They showed pictures of the body and I had a flashback of the last night. I lived through it again and I lost my balance for a second. „Ryder sir! Are you okay?!" „I-I am fine Chase." I said. I hope Chase didn't catch me stutter. I never knew how brutal I was until now. It felt like waves crashed down on me. I did this. I could blame it on my Alastor but then I would be lying. That is my fault. I did this with my own hands. My eyes widened, as I realized how much I could lose if anyone found out and most of all: how much I was scared of myself.

Chase POV
Ryder struggled with his balance. Honestly, the pictures on the TV made me want to throw up but Ryder clearly was uncomfortable. „Ryder sir! Are you okay?!" I asked. „I-I am fine Chase." He answers me but...Did he stutter? I didn't really believe him. „Okay... I'll wake up the others. You should probably eat something." „Incase you don't remember; there was a picture of a disfigured corpse shown on TV." „I know Ryder sir, but that was the case for the past few weeks." Ryder agreed and I went to wake up the others. While eating, I kept thinking about all the victims. It made no sense. It started when Y/n arrived with Anthony being stabbed and just about three days ago, Y/n found that note. I still don't know what the secret message was. „Ugh! This is so frustrating!" „You okay Chase?" Skye came closer to me. „I was just..... thinking..." She gave me that look again. Skye is so cute...what am I thinking? I can't get distracted! „About what?" she asked and looked at me with her beautiful eyes. „The stuff that keeps happening. The murderer hasn't slipped up yet. I hope he does because that would make things easier. We don't even have an actual description of the culprit." Skye listened closely to my words. „Does Ryder have any suspects?" „I don't know. I will ask him though." I really had no idea if he had suspects. Skye licked my cheek and wished me good luck on solving the cases. How can she do that so casually?

>after the breakfast<
Still Chase POV

I promised Skye to ask Ryder, so I went upstairs. „Ryder sir?" No answer. I headed to his room but before I could knock I heard his voice. It sounded like he was on the phone.

Ryder POV

„Mom? How are you?" „Oh honey, me and your father miss you." „I miss you too..." „Flavia, is that our little buddy on the phone?" „It is Kaito." I smiled and tears formed in my eyes. I missed hearing their voices. „Mom? Dad? I need some advice..." „What is it son?" my father asked. „Did you discover your Alastor?" „Y-Yes mom...weeks ago actually but..."

Chase POV
But what? I got closer to the door and pressed my ear against it. What the hell is an Alastor? „No, it is dangerous." Huh? I couldn't hear what Ryders parents said but I heard Ryder clearly. „Yes...I actually do have a crush..." Now it was getting weird. Ryder has a crush? On who? „Well, uhm...her name is...." Why did he pause? I thought but then Ryder continued. „Y/n~" His voice drifted off and he sounded like he was dreaming. Wtf? I ran for it. Now was clearly not the time to ask Ryder and I couldn't tell the others. „He wouldn't trust me again after that, right?!" I asked myself. Ryder always trusted me the most...I think. I couldn't risk breaking this trust. Not in these times.  What if Ryder was the next victim?!