All The Lies You Tell - MATTHEO RIDDLE

Chapter 18

Finally the week was coming to an end. So much has happened recently and I can't comprehend it all. First me and Mattheo seem like we're making progress and now he won't even look at me. He did come back to class today. I saw him in Dark Arts, which means I'll be seeing him again in Herbology. He seemed... fine. He payed attention and did his work. He didn't look sick either, so my suspicions of that are canceled. He avoided eye contact with me the entire time, meanwhile I was watching him like a hawk. I couldn't help myself.

Speaking of Herbology, today is the day we present our cabbage project. We were asked earlier in the year to grow and take care of a cabbage plant. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Mattheo had just returned from being kept in that cell and he was avoiding me at all costs. Funny how things haven't changed. To my luck, we were paired together for this project. We were supposed to take turns with it, but I've had it this whole time. It's actually gotten fairly big. I'm sure I'll get a good grade.

Yet I've been dreading this day for the past week because I knew it meant I'd have to talk to Mattheo. I don't know if I'm ready yet. I don't know what to say to him.

Oh well, I guess I'll just improvise. I grab the cabbage plant off the window sill and head for Herbology.

As I suspected, I was forced to mingle with Mattheo. The minute I walked in Professor Sprout ordered us to pair with our partners and get ready for the presentation. As soon as she spoke me and Mattheo made dreaded eye contact. He looked as if he'd rather be anywhere else. I'm sure if he knew what today was he wouldn't have shown up.

We awkwardly stand side by side with our project in between us on the table. There was no talking, only the sound of my uneven breaths. I cleared my throat a couple times. Finally I spoke.

"So um, I know you haven't done much or well anything with the plant so I'll just do all the talking." I avoid looking him in the eye as I spoke.

He only nods, not looking at me either.

I notice the other groups working diligently together, talking and communicating. Must be nice. The air is oddly muggy in here. Normally the class is an open airy space. I guess it's the obvious tension in the room. I want to say something, really I do, I just have no possible idea of how to talk to him. Not after that night.

"Can we talk?", I finally work up the courage to say.

He doesn't speak. He doesn't look at me. Damn it why did I open my big mouth. Now it's only more awkward. I honestly have no possible idea what to say. I don't know how to make this better. I know I screwed up. He gave me the chance I had been internally begging for for weeks and I just fumbled it. Mattheo is fragile. He's not the type of guy you easily get serious with. He has his challenges. He has mountains that he forces you to climb if you want to get to know him. It's a lot of work, but I'm willing. I've been asking for only a chance. I just can't believe I did that. Still he should've gave me a warning or gave me a minute to think. I mean this is a big thing. I know it was just a kiss, but for people like us it's a lot more. I can tell Mattheo isn't a relationship guy. Not that that's what I'm asking for. I just want to know him. It's nice to have someone who can relate to your pain. No one keeps Mattheo's name out of their mouth because of how "evil" he is and no one can stop talking about me because I'm one of the "saviors." He's the only one who gets me. Not Harry, not Olivia, not anyone. Only Mattheo. I have to figure out how to-

"No.", Mattheo breaks my rant.

"What?", I say still lost in thought.

Finally he turns his head to look me in the eyes. They're empty. They've lost all emotion. He doesn't seem angry or upset. He looks... My voice disappears. He looks like how he did in my dream as he watched me get tortured. He was bored with me then and he's bored with me now. This has to be a mask, right? He can't really feel nothing for me.