All The Lies You Tell - MATTHEO RIDDLE

Chapter 27

          I'm not sure how long it's been since that fateful day, but I assume it's been a while. I look up from my place on my bed at the small desk in the corner with mountains of papers piled on top. Yep, definitely a long time. I'll get around to those assignments eventually, just not yet. When I decide to return to my classes that's when I'll actually bother getting the work done. There's no sense in doing it all if I never plan to turn them in anyway.

I gain the strength to get out from underneath the covers and creep over to my mirror. Looking at my reflection has been a favorite pastime of mine recently. I'm aware that sounds strange.

I have dark circle's accompanying the bags below my eyes. I almost let out a laugh. I don't think I've ever looked so terrible in my entire existence.  Although I suppose it doesn't really matter. People rarely see me anyway. If I recall correctly, I only ever leave my room for food and to go to the bathroom. Even then I try to go when I know the halls will be less crowded. It's like I've turned into a ghost just emptily roaming the terrain. 

I think my main reasoning for this is the possibility of running into him. I'm not sure how I'll react when I'm face to face with him again. I'm not sure I want to. I am perfectly content living in my little bubble. I feel no pain or stress. I'm absent of any emotions besides fear. I'm constantly ridden with it. Nothing can be done to calm my nerves, even for a second. My senses are on overdrive every minute of the day. It's beyond exhausting.

Taking this time has really let me get to understand the inner workings of my mind. I never thought that I'd get to know myself so well, but when you're the only person around you tend to learn a thing or two about yourself. Of course, a multitude of things are still a mystery to me. One being the constant question of why I do and feel the things that I do. I wish I had some sort of magic eight ball that would just give me the answers. I think deep down I believe if I know why then I'll be able to figure out how to stop it. I wish I knew a way to end my self destructive behavior. Then again, the demise of my relationship wasn't technically my fault. Sure I ended it, but only because I had to. There was no other choice and I'd do it all again.

I'm trying so hard, but I don't know how much more effort I have left to give. I'm starting to think it's not even worth it. What do I have to fight for? Nothing that I can see. So the question of why remains. Why try? Why fight?

My somber thoughts come to a stop when I hear a knock at the door. I haven't had any visitors for weeks. I wonder who it could be. Dragging myself away from the mirror, I twist the lock on the door and pull it open. My eyes widen in surprise. I was expecting someone sent by Bellatrix coming to end me once and for all. Really, I was expecting anyone but my old friend, Olivia Trinket.

"Hello Hermoine.", she says with an awkward clearing of her throat. She seems to look shocked as well when she takes in my unhinged appearance. She scans me up and down with a bewildered stare.

I don't say anything back. What is there to say? I haven't seen her in almost two months and suddenly she wants to show up. I tried, I really did, but I have no more interest or care for what she has to say. I go to shut the door when she sticks her ankle between it and the wall. She uses her other hand to push the door open and walk inside. This is not her room anymore. She has no right to be barging in here.

"What do you want?", I say begrudgingly.

She creases her brow at my attitude. She really couldn't have expected me to welcome her with open arms after everything she's done.

She sighs deeply and answers. "I only want to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you."