Six days later.
Not again! no! I'm pissed off ! I sigh, I dreamed of the attack again, it's there I don't know how many times. I wake up terrified, when they come back.
Here we go for the day... I got up without waking Norbert. I'm getting tired of these nightmares and sleeping... like this. I'm nervous, I don't know why but I'm nervous. It will pass, it will pass. Breathe in... breathe out... I can do it, I just need time.
I have to do something, diving in the library.
— Rosa ?
It is Theseus, who startle me.
— Again? It's 6 o'clock ! Nightmares? he asks worriedly. What did you see ?
— The usual. Are you all right?" I ask to change the subject.
— You're changing the subject. How are you really?
— I'm doing okay. That's why you became an auror, for your powers of observation," I ironically ask him to stop.
Just drop it, please. I don't want to talk about it. Not the nightmares, not the attack.
— You can tell us about it, whoever you want.
— I don't want to talk about it! I want to forget!
— That's not how it works.
— Theseus ! I snap.
I calm down. I lost my temper.
— I am sorry. You're worried, I need time. I don't want to talk about it.
— Okay ! Okay !
— I'm sorry.
— That's okay. He smiles at me.
I breathe deeply. I need sleep.
Created with Sketch.
Three days later.
My stomach is upset, I am going back to work and I'm anxious, no reason, but I'm stressing. Going to work was strange, I had a weight in my chest the whole time. It was a bit better when I got to my lab. It's like before, nothing's changed. We need you, these potions aren't going to make themselves. The list is reasonable. Cauldron, here I come.
I really don't feel like going to lunch with everyone. It did me good to be alone this morning. I love Julia, but it's nice to be alone. I'm going to go buy something and go sit in the lab.
Okay, that's good ! What is... Julie ! It's just Julie! She apologize :
— I didn't mean to scare you, sorry.
— No harm done ! I didn't hear you come in.
Calm down, calm down ! My hands shake... It's just Julie !
— How are you ?" she asks.
— I'm fine! I lie.
— I'm getting to work. where are you on the list?
— I .... let you see for yourself. I haven't started a new one yet. I'll be right back.
I need to breathe and be alone. I went to the bathroom. It needs to be alone. Inhale, exhale, .... I repeat this pattern until I calmed down. What is happening to me ? I came back too soon, maybe. I need time. It's not the work that's making me anxious. I love my job. I love it ! Why am I panicking ? I'm giving myself time, I just need to take a breath and understand why. It's .... I can do it. I went back to the lab and it's back to normal. It's just my brain dealing with the attack, it's normal.
Five days later, I decide to get more rest. This anxiety is not going away. I have panic attacks, for the first time, at work or at the thought of going there. The director agreed to me taking vacancies. I found a place, in the city. I'm going to sleep, take some time, relax, write down how I feel, take it easy and we'll see. Thom's, Theseus and Leta tell to see a psycho mage, but I can manage. I almost went into a fight for that. I am more sensitive yes, but if it doesn't subside, it's just temporary. I just need time.
I can see my friend worries. I see it, and I don't like it, at all. Thom's is the worst for me, I don't want to see me like that, or to look at me like that, with his worry eye. I had a panic attack while Leta was here and her look.... It's time I took some time off, alone, and that means telling them I'm moving to my new flat.
— You can stay, as long as you like," say to me Theseus.
— I know, I've bothered you enough.
— You ....
— I've found a flat. I saw it after work, it's free. Thank you, really, for your welcome.
— Rosa.
— I can't keep bothering you ! I say categorically.
— You're not bothering us. Repeats Leta.
— Thank you for taking me in, but I don't want to abuse you.
— Rosa ! You're not bothering us ! Repeats Theseus.
— I'll come often. I need to understand what I feel, to take time.
That's the real reason, time alone, that's what I need ! They get it.
— Okay. Take all the time you need. You can drop by or talk to us as much as you need. say Leta, with a weird smile.
— I know, thank you," I respond with a smile.
— When are you... leaving? asks Theseus. He's not for it, I can tell.
— Tomorrow morning.
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when the pain is too much to bear (Fantastic Beast OC tome 1)
Fanfiction1926, Angleterre Divisions rise between the wizards. Grindelwald is back and rising. Rosa lives her life, between her work at St. Mungo's and her friends Thomas, Theseus and Leta. A little bubble in the midst of war.... But one evening will change...