when the pain is too much to bear (Fantastic Beast OC tome 1)

Do you trust me?

Three days later, St Mangouste, psychology department

— I don't want to go! Please, I want to go at the appartement! I ask, very anxious to Thomas.

— Rosa, Rosa, looks at me.

I did it, listening to him.

— Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. He made me do it.

— I can't go, I just can't. I reply afterwards, a little calmer, but my heart still racing.

— You can! You can! You're so strong!

— No, I'm not. I can't!

He sat me down, facing me calmly, like a lighthouse in a storm.

— It's your panic talking. You don't have to talk about it now. You can say anything until you're ready. You can even be silent. Mary will help. 1 hour! Just trust me on this.

— I .... trust you completely. I drop.

He gave me a hug, I took a bit of his calm, another hug from Leta, more love. Thomas is calm, way calmer than me. I just need to be there. I knock and went in, nervous, but I did it. Mary greets me, smiling. I realize she'd heard everything, oh no ! It's very awkward, we sometimes talk at lunch, in the break rooms and now it's awkward.

— I'm sorry I'm late," I apologize, my hands sweaty and my heart still racing.

An hour later, it .... happened. I don't know how I feel. We haven't talked about it, not about this, but... I can't. I just can't. The tears came, uncontrollable.

Thomas came to me immediately and offer me a hug. I ran into his arms and cry. He consoles me and helps me calm down.

— Please don't go," I beg.

— I won't, I promise. I'll take you back to the flat. Do you want to apparate or walk? he asked softly.

— Apparate.

— Will you let me take care of it?

— Yes.

He take my hand, which immediately calms me down a bit. I sat down on the sofa and he joins me next to me. I put my head on him, even though I shouldn't have done so, for comfort, and he let me. He gently pulled the blanket over me, making me smile. It's okay now, Thomas is soothing. I yawn several times before falling asleep on top of him.

'' Petrificus totalus !" I hear.

No ! No ! I wake up in a panic, on the sofa. Thomas saw my anxiety rising, came over to me and gave me a cuddle. He is perfect, Thomas and the hug. He repeated, it's over, you're safe. I finally calmed down. I don't live it.

— It's all right," he says, once we were together on the sofa, him soft and adorable. You're with me, you're safe. I won't let anything, or anyone hurt you.

My heart race, not with panic, but with... now is not the time! I felt myself blush, he can't see my face. I breathe, putting myself back in the present, putting him out of my thoughts.

— Thank you for this. I breathe grateful, my trembling calming, taking in his calm and his presence.

— Of course. I'm here for whatever you need. You just have to tell me.

How can he be so perfect ? No, no, friend, friend, just friend. Thinking about him is better than freaking out, but... it's not right. I want to kiss him but we're just friends ! He looked at me, with his beautiful green eyes. My heart races against my will. I look away and breathe. It's hot. Think of a neutral place. The color blue; don't go towards that voice, not with him there.