Song: 50 ways to say goodbye – Train
I could still hear the sound of the trumpet playing in my ear. As if you were still there. There wasn’t nothing I could do, not a thing I could say that would bring you back to life. She was right. There wasn’t a way for me to do anything, all I had to do was say good bye.
It wasn’t as easy as it looked.
You taught me everything I know today.
You helped me more than any other person on the face of this earth.
You cared when no one did.
You gave me a shoulder to cry on and a place to go.
So how was I supposed to say goodbye?
How did she expect me to pick up my head, and turn off the waterworks, to let it go? When all around me there was people who disrespected you, those were the ones who should have gone. Not you. Hell I would have taken your place if I could have.
This ain’t no walk in the park. I’ll tell you that.
Momma says I’m gonna get a new trumpet this summer when she gets her tax money back. Now that Pa is gone for now she can say these things, but we all know they aren’t true. He’ll come back and we’ll be in the same situation again. I try not to fall into het shit, but you taught me this, that I can’t live without hope, y’all know that we can go almost a month without food right? ‘Cause my fat ass never knew that. Haha.
So I guess what I’m trying to tell y’all is that you taught me how to have hope, even when mamma is straight up lying to me. When she knows pa is ‘gon come back.
I donno what else to say, but I’m no good at goodbye’s. I hate ‘em.
See Mr. Crawford, even tho those idiots didn’t respect you, you was one of the best teacher I ever had. I love the trumpet, and when whenever you talked about your momma, and how you didn’t wanna play the trumpet after she got you one, I laugh. Too bad you’re not around anymore.
I donno why all this shit keep happening to me.
I’m a good girl, I got to church with Momma every Sunday, and we prey like good people, and then I look up at the god, and I’m like Gurl what ‘chu trin’ to do tear me down here? I always thought god was a girl, cause momma told me once that women are more powerful than men. I was real little then, but I think I get it now.
‘Cause you know how girls are always putting out, well if the guy wants to get some he’s gonna do whatever the girl says. Unless he’s like my pa.
Anyway. That god up there no matter if it’s a guy or a girl, I think I finally understand what she’s trying to do. I mean, you kind of made me think of this, but you know how bad things always happen to good people? Well My momma and we we good people, and bad stuff keeps happening.
Why? Cause that god up there, she wants to make the good people stronger. You see, the good people keep putting up with everything, like in the holocaust, we’re reading Anne Frank in English class, I never thought I could love a book like I liked that one.
She ain’t do nothing wrong to nobody, but that poor girl is stuck living in a hidden room thing for a long time, and she just gets stronger, Hitler, I bet nothing bad ever happened to him in his life. His momma loved him all the time, not just when she had enough happy pills and she probably sang when she cleaned, like my momma is doing right now. She probably didn’t spend all her days in bed when she wasn’t feeling good, and his pa probably had a steady job.
Not like my pa who gets fired at least once a month. His baby brother probably didn’t die before he was born and make his momma bleed and cry at night. His big sister probably didn’t leave and become a veggietable because she was doing dirty stuff with a guy while he was driving.
His older brother probably didn’t have to secretly bring him food when his pa was around and ate it all.
Hitler’s role model probably didn’t die, when he was young.
Hitler had a good life, but yet he turned out a mess, why? Because he was weak, You better believe that non one that’s been through what I been though would think it’s right to kill that many people.
That god up there, she’s trying to make the good people strong, and see who is. All them girls who commit suicide to escape their shit, they ain’t strong, and all them people who go crazy. Nope, they weak too. Me I think I’m strong, and that’s what that god is trying to do, she’s trying to see who the strong people are. Like that homeless guy on the end of the street that Shawn gives food too every day. He’s strong too, and I think that you were strong, cause you had cancer, and you still came to work every day and no one even knew what was wrong with you.
So I hope you remember this because I don’t wanna have to write it again, my hand hurts from writing and my pencil’s tip is going all dull, maybe tommrrow I’ll got to school and sharpen it and write more, but I guess for now this is good bye?
~Keisha
p.s I’m bad a goodbyes. L
