Song: Jersey- Mayday parade
“I’ll be fine,” I said, my voice cracking because I was trying hard not to cry.
“Amy,” his voice was soft, and loving.
“Get out of here,” I said, “Stop lying to me and acting like you care, no one does, I just have to take everything, and deal with it, with no help. No one gives a fuck about the girl who just keeps fucking up, and who has to deal with this all this fucked up shit, maybe I’m just a waste of human life, and maybe I’m just messed up beyond repair, but I guess I’ll be fine, because it’s not like I have a choice.” Tears were streaming out of my eyes, as I watched him stand up to leave, and then watch me back as I talked, his blurred image didn’t move from his position by the door. Those big dark brown eyes, and the light blonde hair. He was all I ever wanted.
“Amy…” He spoke again. Why couldn’t he say something other than my name?
“Get out of my house!” I screamed, “I don’t need you and I don’t care that you don’t love me anymore, or that this other girl is better, I’ll never understand why everyone seems to love her, is she fucking perfect or something? Why does she get good grades, and any boy she wants? And if she can have any fucking boy she wants why does she have to have mine? I swear she could get any guy in the universe to fall for her and she just has to choose you? What the hell? What is so good about her anyway? Really why does she get a one hundred on an English paper, and I’m sitting here redoing it and still getting fucking sixty?” I was screaming at the top of my lungs, not really talking to him anymore, just screaming in general, venting to no one.
“And everyone loves her, is it because everything she wears seems to show her boons off to the entire world? Is that why every guy on the planet seems to like her? Or maybe it’s because she’s a fucking attention whore, who complains when her life doesn’t go right. Oh my gosh I didn’t make a shot, I’m gonna go kill myself now. No suicide is a serious fucking issue, so go love that attention whore. I’m fucking done with it all right now.” I finally said, crying too hard to say anything else, as I sunk into the ugly couch.
He didn’t say anything, and I wondered if he had left or not, because seeing him at this point was only making things worse. Maybe I was gone beyond repair. Everything he had said was a lie, he’d just felt bad for me, and he’d been with her behind my back the entire time.
In my room the box was still there, he’d made me so happy I hadn’t needed it. I hadn’t needed to have that moment where hurting myself took away the pain. Where I saw the blood dripping down my arm, and it made things better, until now
“Sissy you’re bleeding!” Meghan said, pointing at my wrist, shit I must have bumped up against something.
“Meghan you can make some cereal for dinner right?” I asked letting the child off the counter, as I desperately looked for something to wrap around my wrist.
“Yup!” The girl said with a bright smile on her face, I wished I could go back to the days when I was too innocent to know what was going on.
“You’re gonna be ok right?” She asked.
“I’ll be fine, I swear.” I said faking a smile at the small girl.
