Cherry

Chapter 26

Cherry

"Why did you do this to me?" My mom looks at me from across the dinner table.

I feel my eyebrows furrowing and confusion running through my mind. "Do what to you, Mom?"

"This!" she shouts and places her bruised arm on top of the table, accompanied by a needle sticking out of it.

"I-I, I didn't do that to you," I shake my head sideways.

"Yes, you did!" she suddenly slams her fist down on the table, making the table rattle and dismember into tiny pieces beneath us. "You bitch!" she yells even louder.

I part my lips to apologize, but nothing comes out. I keep trying to voice my words, but silence fills the room. I put my hand over my throat and hold it in pure disbelief.

My mom removes the silence in the room by shouting, "Oh, so you have nothing to say to me now? You're not even going to fucking apologize to your mother?"

Once again, I try to mutter out some words, but nothing comes out. I'm opening and closing my mouth like a dying fish washed up on the shore. My mom walks closer to me, and before I can try to open my mouth again, her hand slides across my right cheek forcefully. The initial hit is painful, but the aftermath is awful. I hold my cheek as I begin to cry, as it feels like the entire right side of my face is on fire. It feels like someone poured gasoline on my skin and then lit it with a match.

I try to scream. I try my hardest to ask my mom why she got so angry with me, but I'm still unable to speak. I want to stand up for myself, but instead, I'm weeping in the corner of the room, holding my stinging cheek.

"You will always be worthless, Cherry!" I hear her yell at me.

I close my eyes as I hold my cheek, because maybe if I close my eyes, she'll disappear.

Please just leave me alone. Please.

"No one loves you!" she shouts even louder, but all I see is black.

"No one will ever love you!"

She hits me again and I feel my entire body jerk, which makes my eyes snap open. I see nothing but a midnight sky above me and a full moon shining down. I try my best to catch my breath as I look around at the scenery surrounding me. It was just another nightmare. I look to my left and find Ethan holding me in his arms, looking down at me with great concern. Again.

"You fell asleep," Ethan begins to explain as my heart races around in circles. "I got this blanket out from the trunk of my car and put it over you in case someone came and saw you naked-"

I remove myself from Ethan's arms quickly from pure embarrassment, not even giving him enough time to finish his sentence. I jump up off the ground and use my phone's flashlight to help navigate me to my clothes, as the moon's illumination isn't helpful enough. I speed walk through the grass, and piece by piece I find my clothes in a trail, along with Ethan's. A sheer memory of stripping on our way to the lake crosses my mind, but I snap out of it and walk back to Ethan.

I drop his clothes on the ground in front of him without saying a word.

"Okay, Cherry. What's wrong?" he stands up in front of me and picks up his clothing.

"Nothing. I just hate falling asleep with you," I blurt as I pull over my t-shirt.

"Gee, thanks," he lightly laughs as he slips back into his pants.

I sigh and pause with my underwear in my hands. "That's not what I meant, Ethan. I just hate having these fucking nightmares, especially with you in my presence. So, if that ever happens again, just wake me up."

"Cherry," he throws on his t-shirt. "I can't keep you from sleeping forever."

"Okay," I sigh and run my hands through my tangled hair. "But you could help me prevent it a little."

"Cherry, stop acting like there's something wrong with you-"

"There is something wrong with me, Ethan!" I raise my voice from frustration, but immediately after I do so, I feel horrible. I look at Ethan in his eyes and he looks taken aback. I yelled at him like my mom used to yell at me.

No. I'm not her.

I sigh, feeling an overwhelming sense of disappointment for the way I acted. "I'm sorry, Ethan. I didn't mean to shout. It's just that my dreams are constant reminders of my past and they make me feel absolutely insane. "

Ethan says nothing. Once he's fully clothed, he walks toward me and wraps his arms around me. His silent embrace is enough for me. I rest my head on his chest, feeling the most at home in this position. Although he didn't say it, I know he loves me just by the way he holds me. He puts his hand on my back and moves his thumb up and down my skin slowly, trying his best to calm my nerves.

"If the dreams bother you this much, Cherry, why don't you go talk to someone? You know. A professional."

I snort at Ethan's request, but when I remove myself from his hold and see his facial expression, I realize he's being serious, and not telling a joke.

"Oh," I furrow my eyebrows, "You're being serious."

"Why would I not be?"

"Uh," I begin to explain, "I work a shitty diner job and my parents are paying Momma's medical bills. Especially with my tuition costs, it'd be selfish of me to pay for therapy, even if I could afford it. I'll be fine."

Ethan shakes his head with dismay. "I don't want to watch you continue to suffer. It was just a thought."

"And I appreciate that," I try to smile. "Thank you."

He kisses my forehead and tells me, "You know, I could always help you pay-"

"No," I interrupt immediately and shake my head sideways. I look him in the eyes and say, "You cannot keep trying to fight my battles, Ethan." I appreciate his willingness to always want to help me when I'm feeling down, but I have to deal with this on my own. I've fought my own battles for years, and I can continue doing it this way. Why fix something that isn't broken?

He holds me as we stand in silence, nothing to be heard but the rattling of the tree branches from the faint wind. I wonder what he's thinking. Is he realizing how truly of a mess I am?

"You know none of this could make me love you any less, right?" Ethan finally voices.

I try to smile, but I can't. Instead, I admit, "I feel like one day you'll regret saying that. You'll regret even getting involved with me. I'm such a handful-"

My voice cracks as I feel the back of my throat begin to burn. Ethan pulls me even closer to him and hugs me tightly as he says, "I will never regret loving you, Cherry Adams. That's one thing I'm damn sure of."

What did I do to deserve his love? Ethan is one of the purest souls that have ever stepped foot in this town, and he's mine? He chose me to love? His love feels like something straight from one of his poetry books, and it almost seems too good to be true. I mean, I'm Cherry Adams, the girl who has never had anything good in her life besides her adoptive family. Is this when my life finally goes uphill?

I don't know. As the summer comes closer to an end, it feels like I'm just setting myself up for heartbreak and failure.