Cherry

Chapter 33

Ethan

October

Cherry,

I'm a writer, so the best way to handle my emotions is to pour them out of me through a pen and onto paper. I don't think I will ever give you this letter; I just need to talk to someone about you before I go crazy. So, as of 3:52 P.M. today, this paper and pen are my best friend.

I was warned that you had a wild soul, Cherry. You craved adventure wherever you went. I knew you were the type of girl who aspired to see the world one day. I just never knew that when that time came for you, I'd be left behind. As I sit here at a cafe in Boston alone, I can only hope that your map will lead back to me one day. Harry Styles is playing faintly in the background, and all I can think about is you as I drink this coffee. How is college going? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Do you feel like you made a mistake? Do you talk to your family about me? Are your nightmares still happening?

The day you said goodbye to me felt unreal. I fully expected to leave that airport still knowing that you were mine. But, in some fucked up way, I feel like you are still mine, though we haven't talked in months. Even if I had never met you in another life, my heart would still be aching for yours, without me even knowing it. I would never feel complete if you were missing from my life, and that's exactly how I feel at the moment. I'm filled with sorrow and can't help but allow my mind to trace back to the memory of you.

Last summer I moved to South Carolina with my best friend to discover myself. I needed a break from my boring, average life. Wyatt has always been known as the "frat guy," so I thought my summer would involve a few parties here and there. Maybe finding a girl to mess around with to pass the time and add excitement to my dull life. But, I found so much more than that. I found the love of my life. You taught me the meaning of life and what true love feels like. Whenever I read novels with relationships in them in the past, I always thought they were unrealistic. I always thought to myself, "Is unconditional love a real thing?" Reading books all of my life never convinced me that it was real. All I needed was a mesmerizing woman named Cherry Adams to teach me the meaning of love in the span of a little over three months.

If anyone were to read this besides you, they'd think I was crazy. I mean, who falls in love with someone in such a short period? I don't even know if you feel the same way, though. I know you loved me, but I don't know if you were in love. I never knew there was a difference until I met you. I fell in love with how your eyes light up when you laugh at my jokes. I fell in love with the way your freckles make beautiful designs all down your skin. I fell in love with the way your hands fit so perfectly in mine. I fell in love with the way you aren't afraid to do anything. I love how you came into my dark life and brightened it up.

But, since it's been months, I'm not going to send this note to you. Did you even read the one I gave you at the airport? I was silly for thinking if you read it, you'd call me and tell me how you made a mistake. But, then I remember that you're Cherry. You think pushing me away is doing you a favor, so I'll let you do it. I'll let you be alone.

While I've been alone, I've thought about our situation a lot, simply because you're the only thing that's been on my mind. I realize you're dealing with things that are out of my reach. I realize I can't "fix" you, that you have to do it yourself. I hope you're trying to get through your problems because I honestly did see myself with you in the future. I never told you that, but I think you knew, and hopefully, you felt the same.

Even if we don't end up together, I still want you to see your potential in the world and know that you are more than your nightmares. I want you to know that you are not unlovable, Cherry.

Anyway, one day, if you decide to move back to South Carolina after graduation, I hope you notice what I'm doing, not just for you, but for me as well. Even if you choose not to be in my life anymore, I hope you can appreciate what I'm doing for you. It's been on my mind ever since I learned that you wanted a career involving art. Even if we never speak again, you do deserve this.

-Ethan